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Okay, a self-responsibility point. Some psychedelic drug stories.
Some might disagree, some don't. It doesn't matter. I write out, I let go, I remain undefined.
If you have different view, please share!
Here is one interview from 'beyond the grave'
It's about ACID. This singular word within me can bring up a whole network-halo interconnected with several branches, and the first branch of it I walk here of why I did the TRIPS within my mind.
I stopped using it since some years, before I started Desteni process, my last trip was in Thailand, with a French and a Japanese guy at an awesome psychedelic trance party and then I've realized it is obvious now that I am not supporting myself with it - maybe the first couple ones were cool to explode some shit to the surface of myself but after then it was of and as self-definition, so better to walk this path as it is coming up here.
I do not have to hunt after Self-dishonesties within and as me - I am walking and when the shit comes, I walk through or it will loop and intensify - and the subject I am referring to is obviously myself.
Any separation within me defined by myself as mind about my mind can not be valid, as any reason and justification I experience within my internal feedback system through thoughts, feelings and emotions is always a mirror of myself saying hello from my past when I've made the consequence with a specific acceptance and allowance of a conditional act of self-dishonesty.
So also I am walking through the judgments I have with LSD.
And I must pronounce I do not say LSD is BAD - but it is not GOOD either. It just is. Of this world. But the experience with the stuff is rather 'far' from any 'liberation' - it tweaks the mind, but all human's mind is using the physical body to get energy from - that is just a note for consideration. I see also that my body is not first class commando-capable in any moment now and I am not that old - I lived many years reckless and just run around not seeing far more than a meter and that was a process but seeing more far here I start to consider my body as equal as one as myself, no separation, no definition. Because any relationship I form within and as my mind - I am defined, limited, even when not realizing that.
So I have quite some vocabulary and word-relationship within my mind - regarding to drugs and I was unaware of that if I do not walk this trough, I am being influenced by people who might do 'stuff' - and it can even occur that I am not even aware of this influence. It is how I've emerged from childhood, I have tendency to be influenced by other humans - especially with those who I've defined as likeness or goodness - defined but long time ago. So I walk the writing and put the words within and as me in front of me on the screen and seeing these words equal and one as who I am in this moment - I can walk through these self-accepted definition relationships within my mind what is being accessed, energized each time for instance I hear specific words, I am sure you also have some words what you not really like to hear or say or there are some what you like to hear or say because of the self-accepted perceived relationship you are responsible for maintaining and it is common sense to stop. So walking through these words I can walk trough reactions and layers of automatized self-acceptance regarding to things and defining the whole rule-set within the fuzzy-logic energetic mind through thoughts, feelings and emotions as they form relationships within ourselves with ourselves and the physical reality and others around us.
But to have a self-willed directive power here within the consideration of what is best for all is not possible until our relationship towards and within everything is not equal and one with ourselves, because then there is separation, there is definition, control, reaction.
So the key is to realize with words is how I am standing within relationship regarding to these words and not within and equal and one relationship, but of and as perceived separations by the words, what I walk here to be able to forgive and correct and re-align myself:
Wondering about who I am currently as some people even said to me that I could not become who I am without acid, and of course, but it was a phase in my life, I do not judge, I've had my moments, I've even enjoyed myself but not much people can really be aware of the physical consequences within and as our human physical body by these substances in long term and myself personally and you can send me feedback about how you see this that also there was a Desteni Portal interview about ACID(do you have the link for this one specific interview?;) how it was intensifying the mind by seeping of physical-life-substance-energy to transfer it to fuel the mind - and fascinatingly enough the mind was overcharged so many times with the stuff that at some points I even came close to really stop my mind for ever - but what I did not realize that currently I am not aware of how the mind is imbued and ingrained within and as the physical and without the mind operating so many functions within and as my human body, that without it I could simply just collapse.
Because that we, humans all became, energetic entities and without mind-energy we do not really move.
I even can experience that when I wake up I experience a some sort of dream-thought-waving experience within I am fueling up my mind and then me, become conscious and then waking up and then sitting, standing up.
So this is an other topic, but it is really the question of Self-honesty how fast one can walk through releasing all the self-delusions and really change within the consideration of what is best for all.
And MANY I had contact from this part of my life seems to still define themselves through drugs, but for me it was never the issue. I always knew that as long I do the drugs, I can not be constant and consistent here - because it crawls up on me and it hits and then I flow and then it's depleting and then it's gone - and by these states I am influenced, directed - and by the influence I change perception and how and why I change perception was always the question, and wanting to 'realize' for ever more to not needing to take stuff anymore.
For me is the truth, the real truth of me and the reality with never changing undeniable eternal facts I was always 'looking for' - - for long years outside of me and I was looking this truth everywhere else but Here where and who I am in this moment.
So it is common sense to stop the seek and working on myself to be able to become comfortable with me and stop the conflicts within me what makes me change all the time but not as I want but as it happens.
So for me to let go the ACID was never a question, I did it until I was able to persuade myself that it is really supporting me but when the last trip happened, it was clear that it is just an energy blast within my mind what my body will take, what is the only real of me currently. So this body better write and write instead of think and react, or if I still think and react, then I write that down and walking the Self-forgiveness and Self-correction to really stop reacting to thoughts and stopping the thoughts by slowing myself down to be able to stop the thoughts before they 'occur'.
Also within this human law system these stuffs are mostly prohibited and absolutely illegal so if you are coming from that point of view, this is just a novel what I've made up to have fun and have an 'example' of walking through perceived self-definitions what limit me without me being aware of it.
For instance in the country I am being, even there are steps within law that somehow censoring personal blogs if it would intimidate the current government establishment, and that is quite bold because these guys can decide what it really means, what is so ridiculous that I am not writing about that any more words here.
So, acid, the "fire of St Anthony"
I was quite physically irritated from the very being I’ve became by consistently battling several conflicts within and as me throughout my previous years by the delusional realms of thoughts, feelings and emotions – and with ACID and similar drugs I was able to 'engineer' a kind of blank state, a fluid yet solid; some sort of empty mind experience what (according to my perception in that time) I was unable to attain without re-creating these virtual-death experiences within my mind through inducing energetic warfare by taking these substances.
And the goal was to be able to just look at something without having these judgments and reactions, apparently 'automatically', just me seeing an object in 3D with a fucking quiet mind, like no past, no future, not even 'now' but a presence what reach REALITY; what does not seem anybody around me was able to do, even the 'masters' seemed to be just like ordinary humans in terms of reacting to thoughts, feelings and emotions.
(In that time it was not clear like that, it was more on a resonant level, by that time I've referred to this as some sort of animal instinct)
So within the LSD trip I have my moments indeed, but I was never absolutely satisfied when I started to 'come back' to who I was from the experience of perceptional 'frequency change' within my mind.
Interestingly enough, I've uploaded quite some amount of VLOGS about these some years ago to my first youtube channel, talamoon, so if you are curious, here are some:
But after the trip was over,(whohoho, when the trip is over?), I mean when the judgment came within and as me as self accepting thoughts without questioning about 'okay, this is the point from now on the trip is 'officially' over. From now on I am 'back as who I was as myself' again.
And then I've tried to convince myself that 'the trip never ends' yet I was again facing my suppression as the default starting point towards everything what I did not enjoy within and as myself and the reality around me.
For instance for a while I was tripping weekly because after some days the inner reality of me was again re-forming, re-integrating into my action - so then I had the perception that I have to 'clear the board again and start over' - so then I was working on intensifying the trips so that when it flips, 'I' would never come back, as all hippie's dream is about: never ending trip - because within that state - I was able to just be quiet - because of the high dose of LSD or psylocibin(mushroom) or very rarely combined with MDMA(Ectasy) - and that 'extra' energy I did not realize back then that it was taking from my physical body, my tissues - but by that energy - I was able to just unify and liquify all of my mind and remain quiet inside.
So then I was intensifying the trips in order to maximalize the 'profit': the time being experienced within a quiet mind. Trance party
Some who at parties take these stuffs for 'just party' might smile on all the reasons for I've taken these stuffs and apparently having party but the starting point for me was always because of this 'shut fuck up, mind!' perception was - since from a moment it was never a choice to become this investigator of mind and reality and everyone seemed to be quite comfortable or not comfortable around me about the roles what they take in their life so to speak, but I never could really settle down - from family what I learned is that we are demons in hell, from movies I've learned without ego any money I remain powerless slave of surviving, from school I've learned if I can absorb faster and more knowledge and information than others, I am better, from love and relationships I've experienced also some sort of obsession and fear, with alcohol my family given enough example that it is straight goes to hell with it for long term, in that time I was really introverted and only I could really be comfortable with machines, computers and animals and alone and very-very some people - so I did not really see many choices, but to investigate and try out different living-styles because from where I emerged, it was a clear example that anything but this, and it was not 'bad', they 'loved' me, still my mother would give up her anything if it would require, do not misunderstand this, but she also got the fear and teach fear what is not required. Okay, I've written quite some about that some years ago here already, so I REALLY wanted change, especially after years of tripping with white light experiences, I've perfected my tripping techniques what I trusted that I do that and I will change.
I could fill a book just with those techniques but fortunately I've found a much-much more practical solution with Desteni for the same reason but I had to change my starting point and restart living from scratches within and as the principle of Equality and Oneness as Self as Life as the Physical. Try it to apply it within common sense and see it for yourself - but you are always equal and one with and as what you are within/ what you are experiencing, what you suffer from, what you deny or fight, everything is always, constantly SELF.
Self-forgiveness and Self-correction is here:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that with any chemical substance what induce perceptional and energetic shifts within me will help me to be a better person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into the energetic temptation of hope in any way whatsoever and not realizing the consequence of it as playing a casino with expecting to win regardless of anything but my interest, me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to remain like I am currently regarding to my self-accepted and allowed relationships towards the points I feel I am existing within conflict.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worship energy within and as my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from remaining within the perception of separation I perceive myself to exist within and as.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself that I do not what I should do and wanting others to tell me what to do and who I am because I do not know who I am and wanting to trust writings, scriptures, substances, others because wanting to polarize-back my energetic valuesystem of experiencing myself as not trusting me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not being aware of my human physical body wherein and as I exist and consist of as my self-responsibility within and as physical reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/define/believe/hope that my responsibility ends with my border of my human physical body, meaning only my body I am responsible for and not realizing the context I am within and as equal as one as this reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to thinking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that with thinking actually I am thinking as myself fully here within presence and not realizing that when I think and I react to my thoughts, I am absolutely not here with and as all what is here but within self-separated self-secluded self-defined self-internal-feedback system what is of and as thoughts, emotions, feelings what is the resonant result of my constant and consistent Self-dishonesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within wanting to being told what is the truth, my truth, actually I am disempowering my Self-honesty and Self-intimacy here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my first LSD experience as this is what I have to do but more in order to experience myself in an apparently more free view.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that using LSD for stopping my thoughts and feelings and emotions is always conditional and limited and will not last.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to boost my mind in order to be able to use it to transcend it as a separate entity within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not being aware of the physical consequences of LSD within and as my human physical body as seeping off the life force to fuel mind consciousness system to have an apparently 'more real' experience and not realizing that within the starting point I was already compromised because I've defined myself according to two separate circumstances as 'tripping' and 'not tripping'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within the word 'tripping' meanwhile apparently weakening my human physical body here experience I was always aware of that by 'tripping away' I was abdicating my self-responsibility here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge acid as good or bad instead of realizing that what I project to it it is of and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project and totemize the acid instead of realizing that everything I've defined within and as me according to the word acid and LSD - is only of and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that with LSD I will be able to realize myself in a way that within a trip I will be flipped over and not coming back and not realizing that I was already 'was aware of' what I was doing in terms of finding words for what I did as 'wanting to go away from here' and 'not wanting to come back to who I've became and who I've defined myself to be' because I've defined myself as screwed up and I could not change myself and I wanted to start it over, with a blank new start, with a clear sheet by becoming 'tripping' constantly.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I was tripping and having these experiences - after the experience was gone, I've defined these experiences according to who I've defined myself to be before/meanwhile/and after taking the acid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the common sense within writing everything down how and why and what exactly I experiece but wanting to be able to disregard anything of and as me regardless of any physical consequence.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within and as my mind as consciousness system, I was always, constantly and consistently dependent on the human physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my human physical body because I've defined it as a separate entity from me as I've defined myself as consciousness and within that definition I was unable to have any personal power to change who I was because all I did was disregarding my physical reality, started with disregarding my own human physical body and wanting to constantly take refuge only within experience and not realizing that it will not last and it is always self-dishonesty to not consider reality what I am actually sharing with others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my human physical body as prison and limitation and punishment and obstacle and as a piece of meat what I am bound to for a reason I do not understand.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a one single moment of realization which trough I can immediately be free and not needing to face the consequences of my acts and for what I am and who I am and what I am accepting and allowing within this world to happen and not realizing that within the want and hope I skipped to realize that constancy and consistency is imperative within real physical change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a trip, an experience to change me for ever to end the conflicts within me and not realizing that these conflicts I am reacting to, I am in fact responsible for maintaining them within and as me by a willful participation within thoughts and feelings and emotions because everyone is doing the same, because it is what has been taught to me, because all I've got was this, and my family was also like this, and everybody around me defined themselves according to these inner reactions(thoughts, feelings and emotions).
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within this world even if all human tend to define themselves according to thoughts, feelings, emotions, I still can be constant and consistent and unwavering within my starting point of disregarding my thoughts, feelings and emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as 'shit' because I was unable to stop my mind in one breath and not realizing that stopping me would take time as it was time for becoming who I am currently and within physical reality, the time is the test for what is real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define what I experience because within remaining undefined, I can never have an apparently valid knowledge within myself for to react with another self-definition to have an energetic experience within me to feel myself as I've defined as 'good'.
I forgive myself that I have acceped and allowed myself to desire to end all conflicts within and as me and not realizing that I can stop being CONFin-ed within Self-IN-flict-I-on simply becoming aware of my patterns and how and why I've became as conflict and writing all down to put myself to front of me and seeing it as who I am as words and relationships between words and understanding the decisions I've made in my past which through I've formed myself for who I experience myself to be and making the decision to change even when I do not know what will happen but it is obvious that within Self-honesty I can not accept myself as conflict anymore.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from changing because I have NO knowledge about what will happen when I change.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change and only actually change when compounding the conflict within me and then severing from conflict compounding frustration and when it is too much then moving to change what is unnecessary.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I do weekly acid trips, then I can keep myself clean from my own mind's intoxication until something more or new will happen what will be my interest and not realizing that giving into any quantum-moment to hope I have no chance because hope makes me wonder and not acting and within physical existence only act is real, I can not feed my body with hope, I actually have to eat physical food.
I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to investigate the conflicts within me and wanting to end the conflict by understanding and knowing myself but wanting to battle over and dominate my energetic mind-dominion with an apparently more strong energy, the LSD.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that since I've emerged within and as this physical existence I accepted and allowed myself to exist within conflict by seeing all the abuse around me and more far from my senses all around the world being done to others and reacting with a feeling of sadness and apathy and dis-empowerment and fear what I've suppressed as I could not handle.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to help others in terms of while experiencing myself on drugs perceiving others how they are really suffering and my sufferings seemed very minor according to how I've seen others in real physical pain and misery.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because I could not really take the impact of how I perceived the world and others as really being in hell but themselves might not even realize how much they suffer because of the constant occupation within and as their mind and seeing this I was crushed by the fact that I could not do anything as I was not even being aware of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wanting to save others and wanting to help others and not realizing meanwhile I was disregarding myself, and focusing to changing what I really can: myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I've defined to be my responsibility to help others and change the world because apparently I did not see anybody else REALLY doing it yet reacting to this self-made conclusion as -I am in doubt that I can really save the world and not realizing the common sense to save myself from myself first.
I forgive myself that I have never ever considered/realized/seen that by defining my thoughts and the thinking process and the same with feelings and having feelings and emotions as directly myself and trusting these within and as me as who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define emotions as avoidable because within emotional states I've became absolutly and totally automatic within reaction what made me experience myself in a way cold regardless of the heat of emotions, because within reactions I was really closed and limited.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge emotions as weakness because within emotions I was unable to control myself because I was defining myself according to constant controling myself because within the fear that if I do not control myself, I could lose myself and then I would do something stupid and irresponsible what I would regret to do so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have resistances within my manifested physically to write down everything exactly I think, experience, feel, because within writing I am actually assisting and supporting myself to acknowledge the patterns of self-dishonesty, because then I would be more aware of how and why I accept myself as self-dishonesty and within accepting myself to do so I could not stop judging myself as full of shit when seeing directly my responsibility and still not changing in one breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing the consequences of writing down everything what I consist of as thoughts, feelings, emotions because then I would have to fear from not changing because who I've became also was not an self-aware decision but of outer conditioning and inner reactions but within self-definition I had an apparent knowledge about how to survive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to surviving and not realizing that within surviving I consist of fear of death.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within the self-induced perceptional mind-death experiences through psychedelic drugs I wanted to have an experience of death to know what it is and not fearing from it because I've defined really fearful what I do not know.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not knowing myself according to life and death.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within the starting point of fear what I entail of is of reacting to what is not real, what is not here, but of knowledge and information what is not being placed into practical application.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe and define perceived 'mind-death' experiences as cheating within reincarnation, and perceiving myself as like reincarnating after each acid trip because within the trip something always changed and that change I've defined as because of death and even defining it as apparently 'joy' to blow my mind within the perception of some sort of 'attainment'.
Okay we've reached the point of 'enlightenment'. That will be in an other post.
Self corrective statements to re-align my starting point as life as all as equal as one within and as the physical.
When and as I experience myself wanting to just skip an experience within and as me, I realize I have the tendency to react automatically with wanting to energetically 'surge' my mind-state with something what would change my perception, coffee, weed or even green tea, computer game or sexual arousement - and then I realize this patterns I've walked many times and proven to me that it is not fully me, so I stop, I take responsibility for what I am accepting and allowing and committing myself to really deal with the issues what I want to skip, escape from.
When and as I experience any reaction to the word LSD or ACID, I stop, I breathe, I let go everything here, I am aware of all my definitions are self-created lies and traps what to if I react, I will timeloop with the exact same point what I do not wish, so I simply stop, breathe, disengage, I forgive myself specifically and I focus on what I am actually doing before the distraction as inner reaction.
When and as I think that LSD/acid is good, great, I stop, I breathe, and I realize how I experienced myself with my last trip and the extensive tiredness and intensified mind-experience was really physically uncomfortable what was simply facing myself with a velocity of an artillery what I do not want anymore.
When and as I think that LSD/acid is bad, shit, I stop, I breathe, and I realize that judging it as negative is the same as judging it as positive, and if I do not want to take it then I do not take it and that's all.
When and as I would consider taking acid in a mind-state wherein it would be a great idea, I stop, I breathe, I realize I react by thoughts, feelings and emotions what I've created when I was not aware of the physical consequence of having a starting point of mind mind and in fact I've made the decision to not take any more trips because it is not supporting me as Life.
When and as I want to take a trip on mushroom, I realize I've stopped it some years ago because I've made the decision to not induce my mind with trips anymore because first I'd rather become comfortable with and as myself than trying to make chemical warfare within and as my mind, especially having already physical reference of that the real change and real realizations I've made are by Self-honest writing and applying Self-forgiveness so that is my way, regardless of the intensity of the experience what would make me react to starting to want tripping with mushroom.
When and as I having an inner reaction that a woman who I would define as attractive or important or really fascinating would want me to take trip, I stop reacting and I remain here and I am breathing within awareness of I've made the decision and compromising myself because of a desire what is directly sexual desire or linked with a layer of hope of sexual desire - I stop, I become aware of my physical and principled living based on Self-honesty and presence and common sense.
When and as I fear that I might be punished by the system establishment for I had these experiences or I am sharing about these experiences - I stop, I take responsibility and I use common sense based on what is best for me and best for all equally.
When and as I have the inner reaction to recklessly and irresponsibly wanting to endanger my process by playing russian-rulett with the establishment's law enforcement about how they would react if I would tell them how substances I've taken what they would react to as illegal and punishable - I breathe, I let it all go and I am here as presence and using common sense.
When and as I am experiencing fading my presence within and as my human physical body, I realize, my Location is within and as my human physical body and wherever I would go from this, that I stop, and if I can not change within this, I write down and I investigate and I walk through within Self-honesty to make sure that I am aware of that I am Here as my Location and the only thing I can trust is myself as my human physical body as reality.
When and as I do not experience my body, I stop, I breathe here as self, I become aware of my limbs, my fingers, especially on my feet, because from my mind's perspective that is quite far, as almost 2 meters away from my head, and by becoming aware of it, becoming aware of my toes and as I move my toes, I re-align myself here as the physical yet not defining this at all but remain inner silent and push my expression here within self-aware breathing, one by one, slowly, constantly.
When and as I want to speed up my process, I realize I can only speed up become Self-honest and change in one breath by willing myself to change and actually exploring my change, regardless of what will happen next.
When and as I am with others doing psychedelic drugs, I remain here as physical presence and undefined within and expressing myself within breathing and physical acting.
Self-commitment statements to really change:
I commit myself to investigate all experiences and reactions within myself regarding to the word LSD and acid.
I commit myself to share my experiences and realizations according to tripping.
I commit myself to stop wanting to get high because of anything.
I commit myself to disengage and release and delete and remove all associations and inner reactions arising within me regarding to the words LSD and acid to release the past and be always constantly here.
I commit myself to STOP wanting/desiring/acting to become energetically intensified and end all conflict within and as me by force.
I commit myself to be responsible for each act I do.
I commit myself to PREVENT harm by choosing first already what is best for all and within writing and Self-forgiveness actually preparing myself practically LIVING my decision and not using the excuse that "I did not want this but this is how it turned out, I am sorry", what is a deliberate self-dishonesty because I can prepare myself to act according to principle.
I commit myself to stop accepting any conflict within and as me and in one breath daring myself to be absolutely Self-honest and living physically and disregarding the mind as thoughts, emotions, feelings and expressing myself directly and undefined in every moment.
Okay this should be also a series, many points I opened here.
Possible continuation titles from here:
- Re-aligning self-starting point from drug-minded to and as self physical here
- Digging about people persuading me
- Walking through patterns of I persuaded people
- Walking through persuasion and spiritualism and drugs
- Psychedelic drug symbolism construct release
- Self-projection future creation path of enlightenment to hell backtracking
Thanks for reading, enjoy Breath and Try Self-forgiveness on stuff what you are bothered with within and as you and dare to change according to a Self-willed decision within Self-honesty - on an addiction, a fixation, a compulsion, an obsession, an impossible desire to fulfill or a fear or anything just write and expand - it's free and the best for you, for me and for all;)