[JTL 148] Need for fight and win part 1

Continuing on exploring the point of why I have defined virtualization as more important than living in physical reality for instance creating bubbles within I was able to control the outcome, which was my own mind, computer games, family members, school, workplace, friends etc while never considering humanity as a whole and all what is here equally.

Some of these bubbles had burst and I realized I was hiding behind personality definitions of the mind fuelled by thoughts, stimulated by automated reactions towards my reality as I am physically participating - many of these definitions are still here within and as me as I've never explored, stopped(aspects of myself as manifested self-dishonesty).
So it is common sense to explore and stop and see beyond the veil, to explore what is beyond living from my mind but directly, physically here.

As I've mentioned previously and will more and more: The physical is the superior(read God of Man, the Physical), not the mind consciousness, the real power is within and as the human physical body but we, humans are not HERE, always in the past, present, future, which are constructed by our thoughts, memories, pictures, reactions, fears, desires etc.

Even the 'now' is not HERE as ourselves, but the accumulated consequences of or acceptances and allowances of what we all have accepted ourselves to became as the current human system wherein most of the people are enslaved by financial status, by lack of life support, lack of proper education and giving them no chance to explore and enjoy life but fight and survive within pain most of the time.

The greatest power in existence is equality - without that - we are powerless and lost within manifested energetic systems directing us, just reacting to the physical(environment, nature, weather etc),  which then direct our reactions while we are lost within delusions of we are intelligent and the most superior things which is the greatest delusion but it is not enough to recognize, we must walk through our self-limitations one by one and find practical ways to manifest a human system which is best for all. Obviously we are the dumbest of all, even a snail or a sheep is much-much more aware than any human in terms of seeing the big picture beyond consciousness.
Check out EQAFE FREE Animal Interviews - this is not even funny, just listen through these series and consider what is being said in the message and learn and apply within Common sense and Self-honesty.
Until we do not realize how we created ourselves - we are who we are simply by all what we accept and allow - and that is certainly not unconditional love.

The amount of suffering and abuse happening on Earth in this very moment you read here would certainly make your own mind break for ever because it is not ready for embracing what is really here, so let us stick to the Process of Self-realization which can be walked breath by breath, moment by moment until we are able to deal with facts without being influenced by our own delusions of positive and negative polarities of our mind. So.

It is not enough to recognize the greatest potential(whatever we call it, god, life essence, buddha, krishna, whatever) within each other but we must become responsible and capable of understanding, changing our own creation practically, PHYSICALLY within the consideration of all equally. And that always starts with and as self here. Even if we experience ourselves as limited, shy, abused - step by step with the proper starting point and practical application we can change ourselves.

So back to my process for today...

I explore here today why I have the tendency to want to win, which is in short: fear. But am I free already of knowing that? No. I have programmed my physical beingness to automatically ensure the least fear, the least judgment of negative to experience, whatever is that for me without being aware of it, of the accepted consequences. As it is said, the devil is in the details and yes, each and every single detail I participate in my daily living is equally important - there are no divine moments(only in the mind), 'just' the accumulation the simple mathematical equation of 1+1=2. Breath by breath I live my life and that never comes back once is done so instead of regret and pity I rather explore practical ways to change - myself, here.

I use an aspect of myself what I participated within extensively: investigating my starting point, my attitude, my participation and let go which is Self-dishonesty.
So within the computer games I've played it is always about winning, finishing, fighting, dominating - it is common sense to ask why in the first place I defined myself as I need to win?

I pronounce that within my daily living it is not prominent, I might be seem as a nice guy, but as Joao Jesus sings: "Only I can change myself, Only I can breathe for myself."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself being dominated by the family within I've grown up because I could not do what I wanted, grownups did not trust me when I wanted to go against their orders what seemed limiting, frustrating, stupid therefore defining my situation so, in fact I was unable to live how I wanted, so I felt myself as defeated, enslaved what I wanted to overcome, win, dominate as equal as one as I've defined myself being lost, dominated and never realizing that this will not be the solution because I was so busy within reacting with negative emotions and positive feelings generated by continuous thinking which I've felt empowering as I've defined my thinking was not limited, nobody could control, dominate my thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel myself being dominated and ruled by the human world system, society, the monetary system because feeling that I can not do whatever I want or decide but always facing extreme limitations which I've gave permission to be frustrated by automatically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lost, losing within the participation of human world system, the political, monetary system within because feeling no power over the reality because for that I thought I would need to have power over other people, over lots of money and even over of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and define myself defeated by this world because not being able to direct myself whatever I decide always facing distraction, resistance and excuses and justifications from myself automatically which to I've gave in to tell me what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel myself lost within my mind because not being able to stop and prevent thoughts which are the seeds of doubt and fear what grow to self-compromise and extreme self-limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define not winning as negative, defining myself as losing, therefore defining myself as negative and compounding that energetic experience making me react with anger and frustration which I've defined as negative, avoidable, not who I am therefore trying to balance out with whatever I've defined as positive energetic experience and not realizing that all is not physical-related.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always patch and stimulate my already experienced personality of myself to overcome and balance out attitudes, points, experiences within me to the point of experiencing neutrality and never realizing that within the polarities I am lost and limited by my own self-accepted definitions of who I am and how I must be.

I forgive myself that I have never considered that never questioning who I experience myself to be as certain experiences I have never explored to stop my personality, my characters directly but always trying to overcome, control, stimulate and equalize, neutralize points within me what bothered me such as impatience, frustration, desires.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to give into the world system within I've defined myself as inferior and defined the system as superior, more powerful than who I am therefore whatever I've participated within this world - I've always experienced that I am less than it - and within that not realizing that within facing experiences, I've defined myself inferior to experiences, defining myself who I am according to the personality definitions from my mind and never considering the reality of equality and oneness in relation to my human physical body and the whole physical existence here.

I forgive myself that I have not considered stopping, directly stopping myself within each moment participating within my personality, what I've defined I need to know what I have to do in order to survive, fight, rebel, escape from the human world system what I've judged as 'no justice' and 'hard life' and not realizing the bitter, sarcastic, stoic starting point towards everything I've participated within as a manifested result of self-defeat within the experience of energies of anger and frustration transformed into a depression hidden by simple smiles what most of the people did not realize, at times even myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become dependent to the positive feelings and never realizing the truth of my negative emotions what I've balanced out with automatic judgements, reactions, behaviours, which I've defined then as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the self-automatism I've manifested and within the fear of losing it I've defined that I must protect it in order to survive in the system, in order to overcome my negative emotions, in order to remain stable to be able to participate within the human world system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from remaining within the experience of feeling dominated by forces what I do not direct therefore fearing from being what I experience because in fact not being able to stop reacting the same way to circumstances, events, people as reactions which is not the best for me as I experience friction, conflict which with I manifest emotions within me which I suppress or exert instead of prevent and remain here, expressive, considering all participants within my immediate and overall reality.

---
I forgive myself that I have not being able to win, dominate within physical world, existence, so I've defined virtual winning in and as my mind, within computer games as the territory of my battlefield wherein I am able to feel, experience and explore winning, victory, dominate.
---
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on wanting to win and dominate on physical world, within human system, within human society because defining it as difficult, impossible for me therefore defining the experience of winning as more important than the actual winning, what I strive for to intensify and defining experience itself as more important than physical facts, more important than myself as defining experience as who I am and not realizing that by and as this starting point disregarding who I am really as the flesh of life here equal and one with all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear expressing my want and desire to win, battle dominate forces within physical reality because of fear of consequences, fear of being exposed as evil, selfish, demon because then I've always accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself who I am according to what I experience and never realizing that experiences are not lasting, physical facts do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to internalize all my battles within myself not wanting anybody else to see how much I've defined myself as energetic wars within myself as negative and positive and overcharging, compounding energies I've defined myself to be in order to try to fight through the dimensions of myself within the thinking of I must fight through all my life within myself to emerge as winner as one person(ality) who I would become to start dealing with the physical world, which is already unified enough to continue my fight within the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as soldier, warrior, samurai, general in order to build up a personality to be able to fuel my reactions towards who I am is powerful enough to go to inner wars within myself wherein reactions to thoughts becoming positive feelings and negative emotions and wanting to just kill them all with an other, stronger energy and within that perception wanting to energize and supercharge myself with energies and never realizing that it is not supporting my human physical body, it is seeping of the life force from my cells and making my body age, decay and so within perceiving that intensifying the energetic reactions, thought obsessions to try to win the battles of myself as soon as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as energetic being, and defining energies as myself, energy as who I am, and within that always becoming dependent on energy, without energy not being able to move, express myself and never realizing that this energy what I've defined is not physical, it is of and as the mind which is seeping off the physical life force from my human physical body which is always here, always breathing, always life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself energies, moods, thoughts, feelings, emotions to tell me what to do, who I am instead of being absolute direct expression here, always within consistency.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that consistency I was never able to experience, express because of the energetic movements coming and going, so the perception of experiencing myself always changing, always shifting, always going up and down and focusing to that and being occupied with that, reacting to that with another layer of thoughts, feelings, emotions I disregard what is here, I disregard physical reality here which to I have no power, no direction to because I am internalized, virtualised, layered myself into and as the mind which then triggers, stimulated my human physical body to move, behave, act according to the energetic reactions within and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to win the energetic war within myself with dealing with negative and positive and using these polarities to neutralize, balance out, shift the already self-accepted, manifested energetic experiences within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have never considered stopping already experienced energetic movements within me which are positive or negative or balanced out not moving, but always giving myself the permission to accept these energetic experiences, reactions, thoughts, desires as who I am and wanting to change my perception, myself with another layer of energetic stimulations and never considering to face directly the layer what is beyond my conscious mind, beyond my awareness and becoming aware the patterns which through in fact I create each and every single moment of my life without being aware of it.

I forgive myself that I have never realized the common sense to stop the war, the battles within myself and considering what would mean to live within harmony, within unity with and as myself here in and as the physical, each moment equally.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that the obsession with winning within computer games is because it is also an internalized experience within my mind, so in fact always winning in the game I've reacted with the same reaction patterns as within my mind, therefore giving my mind an external platform, layer to experience and justify fight, domination which is a self-reflection what I did not realize.

It is crucial to recognize the points within what I've concluded my personality to accumulate to such a degree of not being able to stop myself reacting to experiences, not being able to realize that experience is just accumulation of past self-acceptance what I can stop by stopping myself, stopping my reactions towards points being accepted within me.
---
Also noting that it is not about the games as within the shooter game I shoot enemies down in order to finish the story - as it is not about the game, it can be alright - but with what starting point I engage, for what result, reaction I participate can be aligned with the self-equalization, unification as seeing points when I go into judgment, separation, fear, anger, frustration and stopping that and when gaming and playing: no reaction, just direct expression.

As with and as myself - always accepting conflict, friction, reasoning, cons, pros - positive and negative - while reality is quickly moves and I am internally processing, battling, reacting and moment by moment missing potential, missing here. 

Within physical reality - direct expression, considering consequences of my actions, which seems to be overwhelming with thoughts, feelings, because it is so limited - but when I AM HERE - directly, as presence with no inner reaction, no backchat, no feeling, no emotion, no memory, no comparison - I can embrace all what is here and becoming much-much more fast and effective than within the mind to even be able to consider all what is here equally to ensure that all my actions are aligned with all life. Well this might seem impossible but that is because our starting point is the mind consciousness program, which is again: very limited, programmable, always about polarities and energy, feeling, mood, thoughts while reality is just what it is here.

Self correction

When and as I feel I need to fight, battle, I slow down within and I realize I am not here, I internalized the situation I'm in according to the starting point of fear, of judgments, of polarities.

When and as I have the energetic reaction to need to fight - I realize it is not about me winning or losing but seeing all participants here and considering what is best for all.

When and as I become obsessed with winning, with controlling, dominating, fighting, victory I realize I lost perspective and not seeing about what I overreacted anymore, only considering the need to win, no matter the cost, whatever it takes.

When and as I feel myself being dominated, defeated, lost I realize it is the perception, the judgment what makes me generate these negative reactions, emotions, thoughts with what I allowed myself to have the tendency to accumulate reactions to energize a personality within me to want to fight, dominate, win, so I slow down within, I become aware of the points within me, the fear from what I feel to lose, the definition of why I need to ensure not lose it and why fearing, in fact not trusting myself to be able to stand and remain here, directive without energy, without fight and I breathe and let it all go and explore my physical location here and re-align myself to remain here within self-trust.

When and as I engage into fight within losing perspective, but only 'listening to' this energetic urge to go against things, points, people, that I fear, I fear of not being able to live as I want - I realize that I must stop the energy as it is not me, only the accumulation of reacting with fear taking over, so I stop, I breathe, I feel the breath going into my nose, going down into my lungs, feeling my heart beat, feeling my physical presence and I stabilize myself here and consider facts.

I commit myself to stop fighting as it is the result of staring point of fear, which is of separation, which is of already given up on myself and judging myself and allowing myself to perceive myself as not being able to deal, direct my life but feeling threatened of being dominated and within that already feeling lost, defeated and needing to fight, so it is common sense and therefore I again: commit myself to stop fighting, I let all go and I embrace all what is here and live self-direction breath by breath.

I commit myself to stop fighting experiences within and as myself and considering stopping all layers of reactions, all feelings, all emotional energies and be able to consider what is here and deal with common sense.

I commit myself to share how to live without fight, how to let go the fear which is the starting point of fight, the self-judgment of being defeated, which is the accumulation of listening to thoughts which are only the inner reflection of our manifested acceptances what can be investigated, written out, walked through, forgiven and practically letting go one by one, moment by moment.

        to be continued with further exploring fights and battles, even going into some 'real life' examples when I lost my presence to re-align and prevent myself going into the judgments resulting the experience of fear which triggers the need for fight...

I suggest to check out this blog: "understand why we exist in such an extreme polarity of love and fear in our minds in relation to someone; and what are the consequences and solutions for such relationships and experiences we create within the Mind."

http://heavensjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2014/02/love-and-fear-tug-of-war-day-483.html