Obviously it happens trough my acceptance, but the fact is that awareness can not be "reached" - awareness is here - I am not here, only some particles.
Some stuff changed - not considering about those anymore - just happens - some still make me think.
But those that are looks like just comes into expression - those are the programs - because that is making me consider to supress breath here - is like a big tentacle what comes forth and like coming out from my face and operating trough me - and is tricky, because I realise it only when I want - but in fact in that moment I am this mind-tentacle - so this mind-tentacle is the responsible to "be aware" that this is not the totality, this is not really self-honesty - because the breath as inner silence is not here, because thoughts are shooting up and this energy stuff is going on.
As I am doing the human vampires video - re-re-restarting again and again, assists me much - as we are really vampires - it will be simply some parts from vampire movies and some sentences - but in fact I do not want to make a movie with many text - now it is time to learn to express trough pictures-sounds - so I am very critical.
This criticalness is cool, but obviously a system - so as I open it up as me and explore, I will find out what I can stop inside me what is not who I really am - especially about making video, music - because many systems are here - and simply does not allow -- more likely I programmed me to not allow me to be here when I express myself as making music, video - constantly continously as stable as my body is here as me in oneness and equality.
So in some new posts I will unfold this whole stuff - music, videos - how and why...
Obviously self-judgemens and fear, but the need to express myself is extensive.
Because I do not express myself so I defined this as me and in fact I defined me as this need instead of the actuall expression - because I constantly experienced this need and within the self-judgement I even judged this need - and I fell into the illusion that then I am this definitions of the need - so this is like a mind-path-network what can be backtracked, can be pinpoint the pillars and will release.
Actually to remain inner silent - constantly.