Dream - self forgiveness

i just 'did' a dream - I start in a house and exploring many many rooms & stepped into a killer and I start escape to try to get somewhere and lol many stairs many rooms many wretched things and I wonder for a moment then 'it' gets me - and causing the restart the whole stuff
- slowly i get out to street, listening self-moment but same occurs - I again stumble into house stairs - here 'lol' atm as I type - I find another ways but still stumble into 'bagend' and restart here
in fact Im not sure what is this what haunts me so better in the 'next' OPPORTUNITY to just see as it is before run lol
- is like a woman but heey very ironic and my mind is getting being ironed with self-honesty

i am trying to escape but as more i try to escape i am haunted
I forgive myself that I allowed and accepted myself to escape from my own creation instead of stand and show and express self-trust HERE as inner silence without re-go to escapism as thinking as creating separation.
I forgive myself that I accept and then allow fear to be absolute honest with a girl - indicating I let a little door inside me to not be self-honest with the basic placement about my relationship within this existence.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge my own expression based on memory or conformity especially to handle situations about relationship, and by this not leting go, not even opening that door or if yes then I choose run instead of stand and actually dare myself to remain here - instead of being re-member of past and re-occur-ac-tivate the same self-dishonesty until no other way left and then facing inevitabely.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to fear from change - self-definition based on continous c-re-accepted and c-re-allowed g(e)o me try -- the manifested crea-tor-ture lol
instead of realising that I am here the basic starting point principle in and as every moment of every breath.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to let myself to be event directed - trusting more likely in my accepted and allowed manifestation than I trust me here - and by this I am depending on my created mirror image and by being is my precious' playing with the knowledge instead of LIVE the embracement.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become dependent to experience my creation because without it I could not be who I actually experience myself - let it go - when is not here - then is not really me as moment.
I forgive myself that I acceptedd and allowed myself to try to develop strange ability such as painting onto or covering from the mirrored-reflection of my expression and by looking it and realising -- doing changing myself -- indirectly - lol but in this way - I am chaining myself onto the mirror and the base wont be released because I can not change it without let it go for ever and be without ANY projected self-definition...
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me as my past memory - let it go let it go - by realising why and how happened and self-forgiveness and trusting the moment infinitely and b-r-e at here.