Sunday, September 7, 2008

Self-forgiveness - I say aloud as well

I forgive ¬myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thinking especially in the morning when I wake up.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe, to think that I need to think about the day to be able to do my things.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from forgetting something what I do not think about before – even multiple times, because of the extensive suppression.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to just breath naturally.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to experience my body here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make habit of holding my feet or hands in a uncomfortable position, gesture, because of the intense mindwork as thoughts, emotions, feelings occur and while the body experience is supressed, so I even not aware of that for instance my hand is in a very strong grip when I focus on something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my own physical human body trough suppressing the experiences about what is happening in and as this body here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to suppress my experiences inside me – instead of express here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to express me unconditionally – because of the extensive amount of self-judgement, a suppression occurs.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become a mind.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to try to push the mind, to scratch up more thoughts, because of the addiction to thoughts is extensive and no one can stop this only me here trough self-forgiveness, self-correcting application, breathing.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to put worth and value into things, objects in this world separatedly from me – instead of trusting me here – all ways as remain here as the moment as me as breath as me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to conform to society in order to survive.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to stop my conformity because then I would remain alone.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to stop my conformity because then I could not earn money and then I could not survive.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually form an ideal tala from me and in the continous comparison and self-judgement actually I always remain the slave of my own hold idea, what is just a merely perception what I formed based on my own fears.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to cycles.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to judgements.
I forgive myself to actually fear from sharing my inner mind-containment, and within the fear – I hold it as me and I remain it as me, because I even do not let it express, so I never have to actually face, I never get the feedback of others about my ‘dirty secrets’, as desire, anger, fear.
I forgive myself that I defined hate as energy.
I forgive myself that I defined hate as bad.
I forgive myself that I defined hate as intense.
I forgive myself that I defined hate as dark.
I forgive myself that I defined music as emotional.
I forgive myself that I defined myself trough emotional movements.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from emotions.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define emotional movement as enjoyment.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself as energetic being.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to being dependent on energy.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from not having energy.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define fear as energy and using it to recharge my mind consciousness system trough participating within and as.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to actually realize that the participation within emotions is separation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to resist to experience this emotional flow inside me, especially around the solar plexus – instead of doing self-forgiveness immediately.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself exists without emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge instead of just moving me without the mind-point – and if experiencing this mind-point as definition of separation then correcting me immediately.
I forgive myself that I have not ever considered the word immediately really as who I am.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word: immediately.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put definitions and ideas to the word immediately instead of just being immediately who I am as moment as breath here.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to do self-forgiveness immediately when is obviously necessary, but the accepted habit of allowance of suppression is still here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to suppress thoughts, emotions, feelings instead of express immediately, instead of experience the breath and what is here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become embarrassed from the need of scratch of my head, especially my hair. But in fact I manifested it and now experiencing to realize that is not who I really am so Stop.
I forgive myself that I defined myself as suppression.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to my thoughts.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be limited by my emotions, feelings, thoughts.
I forgive myself that I defined specific movements within the society to express who I am according tho the samples of the personality of the mind.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define emotions when I experience the touch of my body.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate within feelings when I experience the touch of my body.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to actually experience the touch as the part of my body where the touch happens, because of the self-definition about the touch.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from become aroused when I experience a touch of body, so I suppressed the experience, and no need to be aware the touch as me as one as equal, but can be manifested as a separated feeling, emotional movement.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define emotional as human.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to become emotional.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define joy based on events, instead of me being joy as one as equal all ways here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define ‘simogat√°s’ as joy.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not move me because of considering about what others may think or judge.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to define girl singing as emotional.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become sarcastic when hearing about love, because I formed a relationship definition system with the word love separatedly from me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define love as separation, instead of me being love as one as equal here – without condition, without direction, without any relationship.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted myself as love here unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to love myself because of the accepted definition systems.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me trough my own definitions of who I am, what is happening here
I forgive myself that I have not ever considered to break the habit of defining.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from not having enough money.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from kicked off from my workplace and I would have to face with the moneylessness.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear that I can not pay back my loan, because I can loose my job.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to even consider to become lazy when I get salary, because now I got the money, and then I do not have to work, because I got the money. Lol
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become angry to me when I do not move me because of self-judgement occurs.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire, especially to touch of woman, because I defined as I would have to find an assistance who can help me to bring up the suppressions about relationship, touch, sex – but this would be an excuse, because I make a condition, and I do not have to forgive, let go what is already here, because I desire for a girl to be able to do this. Stop.
I forgive myself that I desire to experience sexual expression because of the extensive suppressions are coming to surface and the definitions about it popping up and the self-definition separatedly from me appears to be as me and because of the illusionaric mirror-reflection of me – I let move me by this as this.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define fearful to remain inner silent.
I forgive myself to become aroused when I experience a touch, or any rhythmical touch/push to my dick – because of the definitions of repetition of touch of it should have to be sexual stuff, as somebody does it(if not I do this), or masturbation(if I cause it even when it is not direct).
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become aroused when a girl is sitting on my feet, on my hip.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become aroused when a girl is moving on me, even when it is not sexual, but the definitions of this as desire as definition makes me remember, so I stop participate within definitions.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to experience what is here as touch, especially when fearing to become aroused from the definitions, so the suppression occurs.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define mind movement as pleasure.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to become aroused.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to become aroused in public, because then my dick would stand up and others should see that I am aroused.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to consider what others may think.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to being exposed that I am aroused, because that would mean that I can not control, because I actually do not have this sexual experience, that would mean that I am not a real male ego, so I am inferior – better to hide this.
I forgive myself that I defined sexual expression as nasty.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge my sexual expression to not experience as it is, but only the judgement.
I forgive myself that I defined to be free of slave of sexual desire as actually have a sexual relationship with someone and being able to exert my desire to being able to release this emotional chargeup of arousedness of desire.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the getting the subject of desire can be stop the experience of desire – but it does – for a moment, and makes me still allow and accept the desire.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to experience orgasm of a woman, because if I make a woman orgasm, as more as I can – then I am a good man, I am somebody who deserve a woman and the woman actually become addicted to her desire trough the sex with me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be the starting point of desire, not realizing that if I desire – I do not experience what is here, because I want what is not actually here – this is an excuse to not actually experience what is here – as who I am.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define tiredness according to my breath.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that all what I experience is because of my mind – my definitions, my emotions, my feelings. ALL.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become the equation of the balance of the mind. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear of let go of the mind totally.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop the extensive suppression within me and learning the way how to remain it is trough some conditional self-movement, release to not explode.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear to let go this extensive energy system.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define my survivor skill as who I am.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge the believers, to judge the worshippers, instead of realizing that I judge me, what I accepted and allowed myself to be.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to suppress to express myself according to the worshippers, believers, because what they would think, what they would react, what the system should punish because the religion is of the system.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself become angry when a spiritual, religious worshipper is obviously dishonest with him/herself.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become angry that I became spiritual, worshipper, because I could not stand alone.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hope.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become event-directed, instead of being self-directed without conditions, without events.

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