Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Where is my breath? Here is my breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not being aware of my body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and alllowed myself to fear to express myself unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that many gestures of my body - is actually not really pleasant but as I am not here - I am not aware of that I express myself as this.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to abuse my own human phisical body - trough my ironnatured desires, fears, definitions, plans, perceptions and supressions - unacceptable - I am one and equal with and as my body - so I stop the abuse.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use even the thought of the justification of that I use my mind as thoughts, memory, definitions about what expression would be acceptable, cool or succesfull - especially with the music.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to being programmed to conform,
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not trust me within me as me unconditionally - because that I 'know' that I have to fall some times to learn within and as the experience to be able to just express me without thinking - and using this knowledge actually I am desiring and procastinating at the same time to maintain and be the polarity manifestation. I simply stop as I am here as my breath.

I forgive myself that I use events outside from me to actually direct me - and in a certain way it can work - but it is indirect - and not I am directing me as me here - but I direct outside and being the slave of situations trough accepting my expression as this and not stopping and simply being the directive principle within and as every moment of every breath. I am here. Here is my breath. Where is my breath? Here is my breath.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge solmaz's face trough my memory because she can make face movements as me and I can see dishonesty and actually easy to realise that I see me.
I forgive myself that I havent allowed myself to realize that what I can express as writing down trough and as words as me as equal - can be stabilized.
I use this at this moment as I realised some time ago but I still could not express because of the complexity but in fact I wanted to express it as complex because I perceived it as complex, but in fact is simple, so simple.

As humans judge others - and themselves - I wanted to make a video about this but I just could not figure out simply without thinking so when I started to think, I stopped to do so because I realised this is mind-work, and 2-3 times I did it and I am here and I write down and that's it and that's all.
So when I judge myself trough others - first I judge others by the accepted self-definition (what is previously being developed trough this judgement mechanism..)- by the judgement of how I perceive that others judge me - and within this perception - I judge my own perception - and within this judgement - I actually judge my own judgement of my own definition of myself - no more no less that what and how I perceive myself to be.

~~~
Where is my breath? Here is my breath.
Fascinating Matti thanks this is easy tool and can be applied all moments and I walk and I stand and I do something and I say - where is my breath? And Here is my breath.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fight against my accepted nature - and building slow big cycles of droughts and storms with many lightings to charge out and defining me as this charging out and by this I am 1 depending on the drought and the storm and of course of the thunder - so basically the colums of the polarity manifestations and by taking samples of theese intense experiences - I am this mind system - literally of a program - STOP STOP STOP ST OPST OPST OPST OPST OPST OPSTOP STOP STOP ST OP STOP ST OPST OPSTOPSTOPST OP STOP STOP ST OP STOP STOP STOP STO P STOP STOP STO PST STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STO P cool
stop just stop lol lol
i forgive myeslf that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be playful because I define myself as serious - instead of realising that I judge me before I express and change the expression trough the judgement - of past -of fear - of what others would think and of what I can perceive as myself or not. Too much analysis - I am here as breath. I am here as moment.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to find a place where I can make music - instead of I just move and express and do and do and express and do and I experience and I am here - so obvious that I never accepted myself to be here - even when I started to experience - I fell to fear, judgement and it is enough.
All what I want is unnecessary shit - as a big bag I pull in the forest - instead of just stand up and I am here - as simply be moment.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to just being excited trough the fact that I am inner silent - but using this excitedness to move inside - because I defined entertainment as excitedness - instead of realising that entertainment is of separation, excitedness is of separation.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire for a proper soundcard because without it I can not make good music.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire a playstation3 to be able to play with the new starwars game.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge others basically upon my own dishonesties - instead of living the unconditional self-forgiveness as self-correcting application immediately.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to supress my sexual desire so in my dream I experience dizzy sexual content.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use partnerseeker webpages to try to find a sexual relationship - instead of being here and realising that I am desiring for me express me to experience me and using this as an excuse.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to be abstract and enjoying the abstract and not realising that the practicality is about being here - and when I was a kid I was able to be simply practical - but I excaped into computerism, softwares, into worlds what can not be touched phisically. But I am here.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to escape from the phisical.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the phisical is less than the energetic.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to put worth and value into energy - trough defining myself as energy - instead of realising that who I really am am is not of energy - just I accepted and allowed myself to perceive and being controlled trough and as energy. STOP.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge depeche mode as cool - stop relationship - it is here within me as me - no separation.

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