Many happens but in fact this realisation came up several times - was like a thought - but then was like a moment as like a circle ark - like here is this situation and I am exploring and just experiencing this fact - that I do not fight and I do not fight - and I do not fear of loss as inferior because of the perceived win/defeat by definitions - this god of man article is very assisting - the self-forgiveness points and the self-corrective assistance in writing and the assesments...
So this is like I am in the situation and no need to avoid, no need to deny, no need to control, because no need to fight - and I can not be harmed as who I really am as life as breath.
Very cool and exploring that to in this moment that I am breathing and that's it...I mean this is it...I breath and I mean it and I am breath...
Some moments came up - as some situations what were like before I fell into schemes to control or avoid - such as meeting with a crazy drunk who talks to me or facing with several girls at company and no need to control or show up to be able to manipulate or defend - just I am here and totally free of definitions and then this is cool...
the self-forgiveness points what assisted me much; I write here:
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that if I attempt to fight against something, I create resistance and in that resistance I will lose, because I am making the statement that I need to fight against that which I believe is more than me.
And thus will manifest as 'that which is I believe is more than me' 'having power over me' - against which I will loose.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'play the game' of 'win/loose' in the manifested participation of me in a conflicting/confrontational situation/event, which in essence is a game of 'win/lose' as a game of 'inferiority/superiority'.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that such conflicting/confrontational situation/event is revealing/showing my true nature as what I accept and allow myself to exists as.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that I can only exist in the manifested expression of as defence if I believe that there is something of me that is being 'threatened'.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that the only manifestation within me, of me, that can experience being 'threatened' in a confrontational/conflicting situation/event is a personality-design of mind consisting of and existing as a self-definition, that a definition of me is being 'attacked' and 'threatened' which I believed I must defend.
I forgive myself that I haven't allowed myself to realize that I'm actually attempting to/trying to 'fight myself', therefore I will experience loss, because it's impossible to 'fight myself'.
And it looks like that if I even consider about 'fight' for instance 'heey, I do not fight' - then it is like I realize that I forgot to fight or I simply gave up fighting or I simply direct myself and not allow to participate within past definition-defense-mode; because it is obviously dishonesty, or it is quite directed to the 'edge' to not even 'having' any other choice - if was so - then laughing can emerge because simplicity I am and how fool I can be to attempt to avoid to stop this shit in and as one breath.
I watched Carlin's 70years old show yesterday night and enjoyed it extensively and today saw this Carlin's article about 'the real holy shit'.