[JTL 137] Slowing down part 2

Latest Self-support from Desteni farm:

• Practical Desteni: Quantum Time and Physical Space-Time Equilibrium
• Creation's journey to Life: Stimulation – Thy Rod and Thy Staff - Part 2

After a long ranting and raving, I continue walking Slowing down:

I've finished how I see myself compromised with the idea of freedom and the actual freedom - and if I am not fully present - it happens automatically, meaning for instance thinking that one who has no home is free to go anywhere however it is not likely if one as no money, so then a thought comes that: freedom: travel anywhere: only if money: I do not have that much money: I should have reason why I do not have - and more reactions can come and all is some sort of inner friction.

As Joao Jesus expressed it in music: "Only I can change myself" - check out his downloadable most excellent music at EQAFE:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I do not actually change, but I constantly prove myself having the ability to change, with I actually change but not as directly as I could.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself within being able to change, whatever I behave like based on decision, motivation and direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use energy to change, to stimulate myself with energy to change, and not realizing that without the energy, I stop changing, I stop myself, I am dependent on energy, it is not directly who I am but according to stimulation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to prove myself being able to change instead of directly change myself without any inner reaction, any doubt, worry, fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define perfection according to a feeling I've defined myself to feel when I expose my senses to art.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define values according to feelings I have being stimulated by vision, hearing, touch, taste, smell.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that all I've ever existed that I've defined who I am and limited myself to only defining myself to be who I am according to actually what I did.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that for self-judgment I've defined myself who I am to be able to have a feeling reaction about myself as positive or negative or neutral and participating within society I defined what is good and bad based on these feelings.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I compromise my direct sensing by automatic, apparently 'free' associations towards experiences however in fact these are automatic.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that speeding up within with energy is not means that myself actually speeding up but the self-accepted self-definitions as information flows to not needing to face what is here undefined, without prejudice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define having definitions, judgments, thoughts, backchats about things, persons, events, objects in my reality as good, great, cool because believing that it helps me to decide what I want based on conclusions I made in the past for instance thinking is cool because making me smart and never investigating what it is exactly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define thinking as cool because believing that makes me smart and not realizing that the existing fear I accept that without thoughts I am not smart enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry to not having energy, to not feel energetic, to not be able to direct myself regardless of energies which I feel in my mind such as thoughts, feelings, emotions.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that slowing down within when thoughts start to move, to breathe and present myself literally here within physical and direct myself to disregard the thoughts and understand the dynamics of thought, the origin of the thought, the solution physically to prevent the thought emerging and allowing myself to be possessed with.

An example of such thought:

I have no time, I do not have enough money for buying time to do what I really want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I do not have enough time for what I want to do and not realizing that time is attention I give to what I prioritize.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use justification that I do not have enough time and money to move effectively and using this as excuse to not walk through my self-defined, self-accepted, self-created limitations in order to not change, to not take responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within not taking responsibility for what I accept and allow in fact I allow myself to be inferior towards creation here therefore I use feeling inferior reaction to accept self-limitation until I do not realize I must face and stop reacting and direct myself to let it go.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to use effective timing and scheduling in order to not create friction and stress within about not having enough time and using polarities to define myself about how much I am limited by lack of time meanwhile in fact I simply do not use scheduling time within being overwhelmed, possessed, occupied with thoughts, feelings reaction what I've allowed myself to define as more important, interesting than the things I've defined as priority.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be aware of that there is an ideal imagination of myself who I want to be and there is an actual physical manifestation of myself and the two is not the same so by having the starting point and definition point of the ideal/imagined/desired self and the actual self and that already creates friction, energy which compounds, influences, directs me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myselt to think and believe that I do have to have an ideal self imagination to participate with without actually considering who I really am in and as the physical currently.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined who I am according to personality based on the specific belief that I do need to move faster in my mind than physically and defining my reality based on the mind and disregard physical and not seeing that this creates friction, energy within me which cause feelings, energetic experiences, moods wherein I am completely obsessed with inner experiences while excluding physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a belief that I do require to speed up within, collect as much energy as I can with I can change myself, therefore to accept inner conflict and friction and turmoil seems natural because it will generate energies within what I've defined as being alive, moving faster, feeling energetic while in fact all what happens is that I overcharge my mind of thoughts, feelings, emotions which I've defined myself to be and not realizing that the source, the origin, the reality of me is here in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face and investigate, deal and practically stop each and every single entry of my self-accepted inner speeding up within what I do not realize how each inner reaction is programmed to stimulate the next within what I am constantly occupied and in fact lost within consciousness as perceived knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that expressing mysef within physical breathing I am actively moving myself here as beingness and stopping myself as thoughts, energetic experiences.

I forgive myself that I have not realized and understood that stopping thoughts within does not make me less smart, but more present, constant, stable, therefore to have any excuse for why I allow thoughts freely rant in my head is not valid, only consciousness knowledge I use to tell me who I am while in and as the physical I exist as the flesh.

I forgive myself that I have never considered the physical beingness as the most direct, full and living expression of myself and believing that who I am is of consciousness, of thoughts and not realizing that I can exist without thought but I can not exist effectively within being occupied with thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be self-honest with myself to the degree to realize that when I think - actually I worry, I fear and the thought pattern is the reflection of the inner fear of loss which I do not allow myself to see, understand, realize why and how I exactly manifest the speciftic thought pattern within as a result of energetic experience of perception of separation based on fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to slow down within to the degree while breathing within and as physical breathing to see how thoughts are being triggered from what experiences and realize that in fact it is my decision to accept and allow this energetic experience within the belief that it is myself, that it is required for my living, that it is who I am and not seeing that each thought is the limitation reflection of the past.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to investigate Earth existence, people, ways and methods to realize that thinking is a con, wherein thought is the result of the starting point of existing within fear and inferiority in regards to existence, consciousness, ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight energies within the belief that I can dominate my energies to quiet them down and not realizing that within fighting I am split and whatever I do - I am not in equillibrium but of friction and the solution is to stop, stop participate, to let go, to breathe within quiet mind and disregard energy, judgment, fear.

When and as I see that I am moving faster within that I could see each movement within of why and how I react - I slow down, I breathe, I feel the physical, I sense my reality and I realize that it is not about how much or how fast I move within my quantum mind but in and as the physical here what is being shared with all other beings.

When and as I feel I do not have energy, I stop, I breathe, I realize I allow thoughts and feelings to tell me how and who I am instead of using common sense and realize my physical location and take responsibility for what I accept and allow, specifically to use energy of the mind of reactions instead of directly exist as physical.

-Resisting the physical as self:
(I suggest if you did not yet walked through this: God of Man: The Physical )

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, think that if I stop participate in the mind and I stick to physical here, then I am only an organic robot, a zombie, a machine within the belief that without thoughts, feelins I am not man and not realizing that who I am as man is not because of thoughts, feelings, emotions but who I am physically here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, perceive that the physical is less, lesser, less important, relevant or valid, real than the consciousness mind energetic experiences and never slow down within to the degree and be self-honest about it to realize: the source is the physical, the consciousness is dependent of the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that existing within the starting point of consciousness, such as energies, emotiones, feelings, love is not valid as accepts and allows abuse in and as the physical in beings, humans, children, women based on knowledge and information being superimposed to the flesh what must be stopped by a process of self-realization of investigating and releasing all points which are not relevant within practical, effective, life-supporting existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel more powerful, smart, wise, ethernal or anything what feels good within and as consciousness by thoughts, feelings, emotions and not realizing that it is not real and when the body dies, consciousness stops as there is no source, energy-source to supply anymore, therefore to disregard physical means disregard real life, to accept abuse on physical level in this existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not learn how to exist within and as the physical and how it is in fact much direct and real living when not using mind consciousness to tell me who I am, to not having thoughts to echo back who I supposed to be.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that the Self-realization means to be able to stand within and as the flesh within this existence but not of this existence, to exist within consciousness systems, but not of consciousness systems, to embrace the mind and understanding it, but not participate in it, meaning stopping the addiction of thinkinig, feeling, desiring, worrying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to slow down within by using thought-reaction energy and wanting to bombard, shock, overcharge my mind in order to stop instead of realizing that slowing down is physical process and to each and every inner reaction what comes up automatically can be understood and stopped one by one.

When and as I do not feel the breath physically - I realize I lost presence, I stop, I physically re-align myself as being here, breathing, slowing down within, letting go of patterns within and realizing: I am actually here, as touch, as feel, as smell, as presence.

When and as somebody states that consciousness, mind, energy, feelings are important, greater, superior, more real, more cool than the physical - I stop reacting within - I stop resisting to argue - I realize it is not about what I talk or feel, but what I act in and as the physical, so I realize it is about living an example of starting point as the physical as life.

When and as I see that someone is stating that physical is just lesser I do not go into reaction, I realize it is the being's individual process what I face and who I am is what I express, so I am presence, direction, physical expression here.

When and as I worry that someone would disagree with me that being the physical as more relevant instead of consciousness - I realize it is obvious, I do not have to prove it - rather than I can see what points I allow being triggered within and I take responsibility to stop it and if I see appliable - I speak up naturally, I express how I see the point to assist and support myself and others as well.

When and as I see that I can not explain what I see, understand, realize - I slow down within and I realize I can only simplify and slow down within and express who I am within self-honesty and not allowing any point within to oppose, argue, prove or persuade anything and when I see the impulse to do so - I realize I am not present but of thoughts, feelings, worry, separation, polarity - so I stop, I slow down within, I let go all what I experience and I simply focus to what is here, what is common sense.

I commit myself to find practical ways to slow down within and realize that it is my starting point as life and when I do compromise my inner quietness I commit myself to apply the tools provided by desteni to support myself to re-align myself with flesh of life which is who I am and take responsibility for.

to be continued

I suggest if you are not aware of these tools and how support and assist ourselves to check out Desteni I Process Lite free online self-direction course to get familiar with the Process of Self-forgiveness, which is actually the act of god: to understand and take responsibility for our own creation and have the ability and actually do change ourselves according to what is good, not only for self but for all. Investigate solutions what claim to be 'what is best for all' - do not trust anything by default - just as Jesus suggested, "investigate all things and keep which is good".

[JTL 136] Slowing down within part 1

Desteni I Process LITE free Course for Self

Re-establishing regular blogging.

To not write daily was not decision, the decision is to write continuously.

To prevent accumulation of self-acceptance I commit myself to walk the 7 years of Journey to Life. Find out more about Journey to Life here in this video:

So first: slowing down.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I am not slowed down within, I am not aware how the mind moves, influences, directs me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized when I am not aware how the mind moves as following it without question.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the common sense to slow down within until I am not aware how I give permission to the mind to influence, move me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized all the dimensions I am existing within what makes me move faster than being aware of what exactly I participate within.

I forgive myself that I have not realized why I have the tendency to move fast within by energy, thoughts, feelings, emotions.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to be possessed with the idea of moving fast, speeding up within based on a worry, fear that I do not move fast enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not differentiate moving within and as the mind and moving within and as the physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have not applied self-forgiveness, self-correction, self-commitment when I am aware of that I exist as the mind, moving as the mind, meaning being lost within consciousness as ideas of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have never considered that what I really want is to stop participate in the mind requires constant, consistent application.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I can rest, stop applying from the inner slowing down, stopping to push, physically apply within the belief that I can exist within polarity of applying myself and then not instead of realizing that I can change to be the constant, consistent application of stopping.

This is not yet specific, I go down with the actual physical participations.

I commit myself to continue writing Journey to Life as it is supporting and assisting me and others as well to walk from the mind-starting point to actual physical life starting point.

I commit myself to walk through the points I see within myself as self-dishonesty what I take responsibility for to stop and correct within absolute Self-honesty.

The energetic experiences what to I react - to lack of energy and tiredness - not stopping what makes me tired in and as the mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions and reactions but using thought patterns, reactions, feelings, emotions to feel energetic and overcome the already manifested energetic tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have not been allowed myself to be self-honest with myself to the degree to be able to see when I am as the physical is tired and when I am tired of the mind as self-definition as feeling lack of energy.

Also negative, positive: how much I give permission to the mind to feel good when something happens what I've defined as good.

For instance when someone smiles at me what I perceive as kindness, positive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel positive and good when someone smiles at me by thinking, believing, feeling that I am being liked, I am good, I am alright regardless anything else than the fact that someone smiled at me, disregarding all other facts existing here.

Energetic tiredness from energy taking away from the body to the mind - and when feeling tired, wanting to 'extract' more energy from the body to the mind.

Energetic excitedness by entertainment, which is stimulation. Check the writing on Creation's Journey to Life about Stimulation to get perspective.

Within this end of december I allowed myself to go to the enertainment stimulation even with the price of disregarding commitments, which then I reacted to as a some sort of compressed energetic experience of shame which I've suppressed more with more entertainment, especially watching movie, playing computergame, going out with people and already being aware that by disregarding what I've decided to do deliberately will cause frustration and self-judgment.

Yet I was writing, not every day, but it was unfinished and the tendency to share only something which I value, see as some sort of 'perfect', so I did not share.

As Sunette pointed out recently, even when a point is not fully walked through - and to share that: is already movement, which I did not consider.

Also these points more likely seemed as random rantings as the next day I did not continue that point but wrote an other - which I did not fully walked through as well.

Self-correction on 'slowing down'

Starting with shame:

When and as I experience even the slightest shame, especially with the commitments I've decided myself to do and not doing so - I realize this will compound unless I stop reacting with shame which means I am exactly being aware what I should do, exactly being aware of what I do not do and judging myself with self-definition of shame instead of seeing/realizing/understanding that this is deliberate self-deception and will result to more shame and more self-judgment, more thought-pattern and inner reactions, frustrations, which will make me uncertain, unsure, doubtful and undermining self-trust.

When and as I am aware of which is the reason of shame within - I apply common sense and stop participating within what I react with self-judgment.

When and as I feel shame and not cool about not writing my Process blog within consistency, I realize the solution to stop the shame is to write my blog within consistency.

When and as I am not conistent within regular blogging, I stop judging myself, and I prevent creating shame by actually writing and sharing my blog.

When and as I worry, fear from being not understood, judged by those who do not wallk Process of Self-forgiveness, I realize this is actually assisting and supporting me and others within realizing responsibility to stop inner reactions, emotions and fears and focus to practical living, to be able to take responsibility for ourselves and others around us as well.

When and as I worry and fear from not having enough time to write my blog within consistency, I realize I fear from not doing something which is less priority my blogging, so I should schedule it and do it with self-direction without any inner judgment.

When and as I see/realize I accept and allow self-judgment - I am within in fear from not changing myself but energetically stimulating by separation of judging, judged, judgment and try to manipulate myself by the energetic experience to motivate me which is unnecessary and slow and in fact not practical.

When and as I see myself judging my writing and my blogging - I realize it is not self-honest, I stop the judgment and understand why I judged and I stop myself and breathe here.

I commit myself to slow down to a degree within to be able to be aware of all breaths, each, every single one and things coming up making me busy within to focus and react to - I investigate, understand and forgive and stop.

I commit myself to write my blog as much as I can, but at least weekly three, even when the post is not fully walked through, but sharing the movement and accumulating consistency.

I commit myself to take time to review myself within in terms of resistances and my relationship to commitment of blogging and vlogging(which is for the same reason) and use common sense and practical application to make physically able to write it and publish.

When and as I see that I have so much resistance to actually not share something - I share the fact that I have resistance for sharing and sharing that walk I walk through all resistances.

I will continue with commitments and self-forgiveness on slowing down within and on my prejudices about principled living vs delusion of freedom in relation to energy.

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[JTL 135] Resistance to change for driving

Within learning new skills I find Self-forgiveness extremely assisting within realizing and releasing the patterns which block the new skills to be effectively learned.

Currently: learning driving car in traffic.

There are some points I specifically 'address' such as fear from causing accident which originates from childhood memories when I have been slightly hit by car and similar situations when I reacted.

As well I've always defined myself as not being fully present and accepting myself so was obvious that within driving I have to be present and directive all the time which I've defined I am not really capable of, more specifically: not even wanted so.

After started Desteni I Process, I realized the key is constant and consistent presence here and that starts through writing, Self-forgiveness, Self-changing within understanding, I've seen throughout the years that I am changing, I am becoming more calm, present and comfortable being here which brought the possibility to learn driving.

Another aspect is that I always feeded 'negative' reactions towards cars, specifically their stink so not really wanted to 'have' the responsibility to make the city to be more stinky, especially when seeing infants with mother and feeling the smog usually made me react to become angry and thinking it is not fair and I'd rather just wait for having car until it is not fueled by petrol.

That was an other layer to walk through and see what is common sense and what is self-deception in order to not needing to change to be able to trust myself for not causing accidents.

Also for some decades I've programmed myself to completely ignore traffic signs and not being aware of the traffic which now I am stopping as well.

So let's open it up with Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, define myself as not present, not being here, always flying, always daydreaming, constantly reacting, thinking, feeling which accumulates me to not being aware of what is here around me because of the constant occupation within my mind who I defined myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my deliberate avoidance of being present here by believing who I am according to thoughts, feelings, emotions which I've defined worthy and cool to be occupied with, focus to and identify myself and not realizing that I am missing what is here, only perceiving it through the self-definitions, judments, reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that it is alright and cool to occupy myself with thoughts, feelings, emotions within the self-accepted belief that it is required to operate within society, and to survive, to earn money I have to use and become the mind and never realizing that this is fear and based on fear I sacrifice my silence, innocence and actual presence.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that fearing from responsibility does not solves the point, rather I build resistance, reasoning to avoid it based on justifications and excuses and allowing myself to express so: I am not the directive principle here, I am only reacting automatically what I have accepted to become through the years I've been participating within the mind and never considering common sense to stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am as avoiding responsibility towards points what I've defined I am not capable of and I am currently unable to stand for and never considering the possibility to stop myself, change myself and actually explore what it means to be responsible for myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within allowing resistance towards cars, driving cars, participating within traffic: I am not self-honest as I do not see WHY I resist, I do not ask the question of HOW to stop resisting, WHAT I fear losing, which I do not stop, so allowing becoming the resistance equal as one and then identifying the resistance with who I am so then I do not have to wake up from my belief system to face all the fears I've allowed to influence, direct me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear harming others, killing others accidentally when I am not present, when I am thinking, when I am reacting and rather avoiding the situations where this could happen than disciplining and changing myself.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that allowing myself to accept any fear I will become the starting point of fear and by that I will manifest myself who I am as starting point, no matter what I do - the fear I allow to direct me, instead of investigation, writing, stopping, forgiving, letting go unconditionally which is possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be present all the time in the traffic as defining it as tyring, exhausting, boring, meanwhile I could do some other things for instance when travelling with bus - I can read or just watch the landscape without considering the traffic - "somebody else does that, it is not my responsibility" so then I do not have to face the fact that I avoid participating within traffic because of the fears I accepted and allowed to be part of my self-definition since childhood which I've defined as myself and never considered to stop and change.

To be continued...

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