Sunday, June 20, 2010

stop desire - forgiving, wrtiting, scripting sharing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the situation that with my partner we can not meet - not because for the being - but for I wanted sex - Instead of judging - embracing the situation and stopping my desires by applying self forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I should masturbate when I do not meet with my partner who I am with - instead of embracing the situation and stopping my addiction to sexual energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to please myself with sexual video instead of realizing that this will compound and this is not real - this is of mind energy picture based desire reaction system entity what I became and I must stop unconditionally, first stopping the participation, and seeing the entry points and not go into and stand and then disengaging, removing, deleting these unconscious manfiestations what are in fact - resistances from facing myself here - so whenever I would face myself directly here - I would go after sexual experiences - instead of realizing that I am diverting attention from what is here.
I stand - I do not participate - rather that - like in this moment -- I write - I write unconditionally, I stop unconditionally, I stand and I breath - and I direct myself.
I forgive myself that I defined myself as sexual energy, as I defined myself as sexual being, as I defined myself as sexually active being and then becoming of energy as energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself according to energy whenever I would get aroused alone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress sexual desires among people when I walk in the city - and then the compounded energetic experience I want to release because I allow it to influence, divert my attention from what is physically here - I stop - I do not participate - it is the decision what I made - and I stand - and the decision I live in every moment. I do not judge myself - I do not control myself.

It is already a progress as I see that I do not wish more women - I decided to stick to one woman and I do not desire others - in fact sometimes I spend time with other woman - but not like sexually aroused or sexually interested - sometimes we even hug or give a tiny kiss - but I do not want to have sex -- and regarding to this - I had the thought yesterday - that what if I am being tempted - by the girl - and what if I would be dragged into sexual situation - could I stand?
As I was telling to her that I had situations like that before - with a girl who I did not want to penetrate - rather just we played around -- and this girl told me that she does not like - as it happened with her already - that a man slept with her and then nothing happened and she expected lolol to have experiences what she did not get.
So in fact I see that I must stand - and not give even a chance to sexually tempted - by directing myself and stand -- as since I am with K. - I did not have sex with other girl except with one I licked her pussy - that's all what happened - but that one was also too much -- it happened months ago -- and I decided to not go into that direction.

So in fact I am here - and I decided to have one partner - and I decided to stand within my decision and if temptations would come - I stand - I forgive myself to react and I breath and I act and I direct myself within self honesty without a con.
Also I do not arouse myself unnecessary with images - because that is of my past - and I stand up from mind delusions unconditionally - so I write - I apply - and I breath and act.

As breathing is not enough - because I must direct my reality as myself - so this is how I direct - I stop my sexual fallbacks by using excuses - as in south africa I was able to not participate within sex for a month - here also I can do so.
The forthcoming week will be like maybe tomorrow we can meet with K. and then for ten days she will be travelling - and I do not accept myself to consider masturbation - and I do not accept myself as suppressing sexual desire - rather than releasing that and stopping and directing myself and expressing myself on other ways such as writing excercises on SRA course or doing more my second job or making music for the already composed videos or cutting desteni farm videos or making music or whatever I express but for the month I decide the focuspoint to be my sexual energetic participation - to stop - to be aware of all inner reactions and expose and share my realizations.

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