Thursday, June 3, 2010


Walking breath breathing walk.

I could not let the XTK unnoticed - I will get it, it will be here soon.
I will support my family with a bit money in every month - mother and her husband are a bit out of the box in these days - mother attempted to commit suicide but then ambulance came and washed out the overdosed medicines - her husband did the same about some months before - now she is in the closed part of psychiatry - and her husband could not be much time without her at home - he is defined as alcoholic - so he went after my mother - they are quite freaky sometimes and mostly are always on drgus(pills prescripted by doctor) - so at these days they are a bit more happy and stable so to speak -- the system is taking care of them, they are held by the facility and my mother told me that when woke up she cried for one day - and she realized something -- I told her that I will see..
Her husband told me that the cause of why she did it is because of the lack of money - I did not agree with that point - also before I went to South Africa - I told my mother that I will give some money for them to not suffer financially - for me it is not a big effort to give them about 80 euros per a month - and they will think less -- I always wanted to do this but before I was too occupied with myself and with my issues - years before I spent most of the money to drugs and parties and travels and hi-tech stuffs -- after that I payed back my loans - and then I was busy to have great computer, music instruments, audio studio, video stuffs - now they are here - so I can give them some - I told my mother that I will be able to give them until I have this job - after that possibly not...
But then I wont accept any excuse from my mother about not enouh money they have to survive - so will see this support will help her self support to be able to face herself and writing - will see...
My sister is not stopping call me about to visit her and her boyfriend and also my mother at psychiatry.
I say that I have many todos especially my second job - what I do about in each second night - for hours - this paysite is not a huge work but at nights I progress more slowly than in the office - and also I am alone... but the progress I see - great experience to see things working what I want to make and manifest - simply because I decided to do so.

That crying thing is fascinating as yesterday I called Gy to go together to a musician guy who I can refer as friend - but she could not come - and after hours she called me that she cried because of her decisions and manifested consequences.
Fascinating. I told her that I can help her change but not whining so it was direct and cool.
Today "I" called me - who I work for with the second job but regardless to the job we can have quite a presence together - she started to grow like a plant and week by week I see how she is waking up so to speak and sometimes it is hard for her to realize what she is accepting and doing - simply by the enormous job quantity she is carrying.
So today she also called me and told me that she cried.
This is kind of cool.
Tomorrow I will continue watching the new SRA lesson and will write about mind construct and timeline - and also some self forgiveness related to an event what I wrote about today. About woman and energy and how I operate as 'hunter'. Fascinating I must stop this - it is already happening but I must open every point and then embrace the decision to stop all time and remain stable here.

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