Friday, May 24, 2013

[JTL 47] A memory of anger to the system when paying for water

I remember a memory when I came back to Budapest by plane and I had to wait at one airport far from here, maybe London.
I was sitting at the waiting area(what is in fact a very expensive shopping and dinner hall) with my medium sized bag and I was sitting there and I was thirsty but I was extremely angry because the water was superexpensive, like 2 euros or something like that so I resisted to buy it however I needed the bottle to bring it up to the plane because the jet I was waiting for was `woodden benched` meaning extremely cheap so there was no service up there, not even water so I needed to drink and bring up some water. So then I was looking a black woman nearby and profiled her for a moment and then asked her could she watch my bag for a minute while I buy the water. She looked immediately pissed off and rejected it and looked at me like I am insane. There was value in that bag, some musical instruments, possibly camera - however she looked fine for the task and where I had to buy the water - I had the chance to look at my bag anyways - so then I was like WTF for a moment as she even seemed to wait for the same jet as me and it was still unsure to which platform we have to go.
So then I stood up and left my bag there anyway and I bought the water and even a croissant. It was really just a minute and my bag seemed fine while the lady was sitting there and still looked upset.
So then I judged her too and until now when I sit on this train to meet with my sister and visit father's brother who looks like me just old versioned.
Meanwhile I notice that I am very sleepy and I just ate a chocolate bar and immediately the heavy sleepiness is gone - I am not sure it is because of heavy thinking before waking up and eating pulls me out of this experience or it is the sugar rush.
So that memory when apparently I wanted to trust in a stranger in watch my bag for a minute in order to say something when somebody else would take it - is still here, immediately jumping out as jack in the box memory when I am sitting on this train with expensive stuff in my bag however this time I do not need to ask anyone because I stay here - and  I did travel since then many times yet somehow that memory just came back today so I direct it with principle. Because then I was pissed off for the airport, the system, why is that expensive the basic need: water, while there is no a free tap - even at the toilet that is not really for this and even I had the memory that at many toilets they allow only hot water to use what is not drinkable for me - except if I have a bottle and have time to wait for cooling. But many times I do not use this 'trick'- just buy water- however it is insane how evil to not give it freely - even on the plane where is the air is extremely dry and it is obvious that rehydration is required for every body. So at these situations I have the tendency to go into reaction into the mind what is not a solution.
Let's see what is solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry at the system and the airport and the shops at the airport because water is extremely expensive what is a basic human right however if someone does not have the money, cannot buy it,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that people who make the shops at airports are there for the profit and only for the profit so they can literally do anything for that what the law allows them to do.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that to become angry and exert my anger because I do not have lot of money and feel like robbed when they take my water away when going into the airport zone and within there they allow me to buy another what is very expensive and I do do not want to spend 2 euros for a bottle of water.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry only for water at the airport and it's price because I am not that rich and if I could have tons of money I might not go into emotional reaction but simply buying what I need.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never ever realize that everybody does everything what the law allows them to do therefore to oppose people directly is not a solution but the law is what required to investigate, question and change - and within that realizing that the law is equal and one with us as humanity what we accept and allow and be responsible of obeying, maintaining, accepting or braking it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that my relationship with the law is not clear, direct and equal and one - but full of judgments, pre-definitions, feelings, emotions which through I am unable to experience it as it is therefore the necessity to purify myself as self from definitions is undeniable.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within law there is what actually humans use to be as a compass about what is right and what is wrong and within that there is no declaration of unconditional and practical right to have water for me therefore it is normal for people to sell it for profit in the name of their expenses,
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to not realize that within rejecting facing and realizing what is the law in the human system and how it is maintained, avoided and in fact used for profit - until that I am powerless and no chance to stand up for the system as equal as one and to change it to all have right for the basic needs by default.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry when asking a stranger and does not do what I ask her to do even if it means very little for me and not realizing what is her starting point, her story, her experience, but to judge her and the whole scenario as frustrating because thinking for me it would be a default thing without a con.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the woman who I asked to look after my bag for a minute at the airport - that she thinks I am crazy because I trust in her for not stealing my bag or she thinks that how come I ask her for anything or she thinks that how I can even think that it is alright to leave my bag for a stranger or thinking that she fears from what if one would want to steal it and she could not do anything and fearing from responsibility for what I asked her - I let go all thoughts, all worry, all anxiety, all judgment, all fear -I am simply here.
I forgive myself that I have allowed and accepted to become angry when the woman at the airport refused to do a favor to me, especially when I saw her coming to the same plane as me so therefore she did not have to anything else but wait there just as like me - and not realizing that I was angry at myself and projected and suppressed it towards her/into my human physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize in the moment of reacting the necessity to slow down within, stop and let all go in one breath and remain here, clear, directive.

When and as I experience judgments within me about water and basic needs why is expensive at mass transit places such as airport, train station, bus station, ferry station - I remain here, directive, aware of my breathing constantly within the consideration that becoming angry and judge-mental does not make a difference and in fact I submit into the fact that I am powerless and inferior - therefore I realize that I should consider the currently manifested system as consequence of most of the people disregard the fact that the law is born from politics what is also people's acceptance and allowance and within democracy one man has one vote and by that principle the system can be changed - for instance considering all has the same needs for water.
When and as I experience anger and frustration within facing the human system's limitation or rejection based on money - I realize that it is what required to change within it's starting point.
When and as I fear from not being able to function without more money - I use common sense and see what is best for all including me equally.

When and as I face the persuasion of consuming for the basic needs as at airport where they take my water away and then I can fill it up in places what can be considered as healthy - such as some toilets - I use that to get water - and when it seems to be not healthy - I do not judge it - and I remain here but consider with common sense.

When and as I am becoming angry to someone who I ask for doing something and does not wants to - I remain here, clear, embracing the moment within in and out breath without the need of judgment what is in fact self-judgment projected towards others with fear.

No comments: