[JTL 39] Thinking-Breathing decomposition

The spirituality of a Snail

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from always breathing here because then I might not be able to focus on reality around me the way I've defined as required in order to survive and be accepted and stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss a breath within the perception that then I might become too slowed down to participate within reality as I've defined required - as mind instead of exploring no mind by one breath at a time even when in the beginning I might really slow down physically while transforming my expression into and as physical directly as breath as substance as flesh as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define/think/believe that if I push my breath like a machine and doing nothing else then I am breathing within awareness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to breath naturally in any moments because of the inner movements within occupy my attention so much that I do not realize that I influence my breath and hold my breath and slice my one breath at a time for parts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to occupy myself witihin my mind so much that I do miss the breath here where I am real within and as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I miss a breath being aware of then there is a problem - and the problem is that I've defined fear more important than the breath of life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind thoughts, feelings and emotions in order to cover my responsibility of missing to be aware of that my body here is breathing meanwhile I follow impulses coming up from the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think./define myself/believe that if I have to do something what is not defined as 'easy'/'natural' but 'difficult'/'hard'/'intense' then holding my breath is helping and assisting to overcome the defined 'difficulty'/'hardship'/'intensity' without questioning myself for why defining so automatically.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to investigate moments within self-honesty what always and automatically react with holding my breath meanwhile giving into the same temptation of inner judgments as thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing moments without thoughts/feelings/emotions - all moments regardless of any circumstances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define moments as boring/insignificant wherein I make myself occupied with thoughts because defining the moment as 'I can do it without focusing to it with inner silence', such as dishwashing, toilet, cleaning, walking on street, taking a shower, doing physical work.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to ever investigate and understand the dynamics within myself regarding to thinking within moments what I always do regularly meanwhile accepting and allowing myself to think and not be present in each moment of each breath I take.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to actually PREVENT myself to going into the same thinking patterns what indicate my relationship towards subjects of my thinking patterns as inferior as accepting and allowing the same thoughts repeated without self-direction/self-commitment/self-honesty to understand and stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop automatically upcoming excuses and justifications within myself regarding to why I can accept myself thinking while doing certain things as defined these as insignificant/not important/difficult/avoidable etc without self-honesty and practical understanding.

I commit myself to investigate all moments I am living within self-honesty about how and why I act I do, how and why I think I do, how and why I feel and become aware of the self-accepted automatism and when it is based on self-dishonesty as self-definition, I walk the practical application to stop it, to prevent myself going into the same pattern over and over and over again and remain here physically breathing, constant, consistent within dare myself to explore and express absolute self-honesty in each moment without any judgments towards the moments.

When and as I experience I define a moment as insignificant and start thinking - I realize I am within self-judgment and the judgment is not real therefore the decision what I've automatized that I should think is of self-dishonesty - so I stop thinking and I am re-aligning myself to be here as breath with no separation, no definition.

When and as I notice a pattern I do repeated within thinking according to circumstances - I investigate, I write the pattern down and forgive myself unconditionally and make sure that I am becoming aware of it and the starting point and give myself the gift of stopping it and remain here, naturally breathing as equal as one my human physical body.

When and as I start thinking - I stop the thoughts and see what I do not understand, what I fear from, what is my worry, what I do not want to face directly without energetic reactions of self-judgments with connotations to form my perceptions because as things are I do not want to experience.