[JTL 52] Stop the fear from Self-direction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I fear from losing inherently within resonantly what makes me energetic and by that energy I confront this anxiety of fear to fight over and dominate and push down the fear with apparently great bravery of confronting within - without even being self-honest of how and why I manifest the fear from losing and considering to directly stopping that.
Self-direction:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself direction by allowing something else to direct me without realizing it.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see/understand/realize what is directing me and where I am not the directive principle of myself as life.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to understand/see/realize that if I am not directing myself here in every moment of every breath - I am accepting and allowing to be directed by what I am not myself here directly within presence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within the religion of self based on the accumulation of thoughts, feelings and emotions that I do not need to direct myself here within consistent presence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow knowledge and information to drive me and direct me within not realizing that I've allowed to trust within the accumlation of memories instead of directly myself here undefined as physical expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to to use knowledge and information as self-definition as directive principle instead of myself here as breath as life as all as equal as one as physical expression without fear from being wrong, being not real and without defining myself being insignificant, lost and irrelevant.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the relationship within what I've formed and built up based on words is consciousness and my reactions and habits and automated manifestations I've defined as myself as the religion of self and trusted and used as a starting point without ever seeing/understanding/realizing that it is not real.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be self-honest with myself about the realization that based on my starting point I am who I define and perceive myself to be in fact not real.

I forgive myself that I have never ever realized that any fear within me indicates that I doubt that I am not here as real because any fear indicates that I trust relationship between words and definitions and pictures and feelings and emotions and reactions more than myself here, remaining as self constantly without any fear here as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what I define as myself is an attempt to prove to myself and others that I am real within the starting point of fear meanwhile not realizing that I am my starting point as equal as one here within and as the self-definition based on an image and likeness of me as fear - fear of loss of what I am not in fact as fear from who I am: is not real and who I am within fear: I can lose and meanwhile never realizing that if I am real, I am constant, consistent, without any fear.


So self-direction in relationship to the word fear, real.

Purification is required - fear, relationship, real.

What association come up about the word:  
fear:
fear from not being real
fear from losing myself
fear from not having time to express myself
fear from pain
fear from more fear
fear from accepting fear
fear from letting go fear
fear from myself
fear from women
fear from war
fear from evil
fear from being evil
fear from not having fear

relationship:
relationship with woman
relationship with myself
relationship with nature
relationship with government,system
relationship with my boss
relationship with destonians
relationship with my mind
relationship with my body
relationship with fear
relationship with the physical
relationship with my past
relationship with my family
relationship with my possessions
relationship with my musical instruments
relationship with money
relationship with camera
relationship with filming
relationship with filmmakers


real:
real is what remains
real is what is physical
real is atoms
real is my self what I've never seen
real is hereness
real is what lasts
real is what can not be denied
real fear is not consistent
real here is life
real relationship is self here


So by these I can start decompose my mind and realize with common sense why and within what starting point I disregard myself as breath here.
The next word is: here.

The here as mind - relative here-ness - versus the here as physical location as absolute here-ness as polarity system within what I move, shift, jump, refracted, segregated based on thoughts, feelings and emotions.


Unification is already here, discipline is here within the starting point of real physical relationship with everything as myself always here - the Gurdjieff Desteni Portal sentence is very simple yet unthinkable how powerful:

I am already a unified man - and within that - it is already here what is what must be stopped, removed from the very core of my being


So I stop here today - where

I commit myself to investigate, write and correct myself within wherein I am not directing myself as life within relationships within me as words and where I allow definitions connected to fear to direct me based on knowledge and information about losing and being not real or the paranoia of 'not having enough time'.

Reached here the point as word as 'paranoia' which will be a topic for a while - so perspective on paranoia and thinking:
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot. ... eason.html
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot. ... eason.html
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot. ... -mind.html
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot. ... anoia.html
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/05/day-399-taste-bud-paranoia.html
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/05/day-400-paranoia-of-intent.html
http://creationsjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2013/05/day-401-thinking-is-for-losers.html