Tuesday, January 31, 2012

How I accepted my personality to operate

How I accepted my personality to operate.



I put myself to intense moments/situations and I 'take my time' within the experience and in these moments I have the tendency to be passive and judgmental.
Even sometimes I literally lay down and just allowing the experience to overflow me, to wash me through and within these moments I try to figure out who I am - or what to do. In general I accept myself not being self-directive within absolute specificity - but within these moments "I climb up to" Self-direction, it's like wanting to work only in the 5% of my time but then extremely hard.
It's like how I did pilgirmage in Spain years back then. I could not walk really with my partner who walked slowly in constant velocity all day - that was very tiring and in fact boring for me - so I did intense rushes for short time and then laying down and just enjoying to rest after the quick but hard work - until my partner reached me - and as she walked to me I immediately stood up and wanted to go further - and many times she wanted to rest with me and I was already rested and ready for the next sprint and we could not progress really together.
So I've defined myself according to perceived intensity - mostly this indicates intense inner-chain-reaction but many times it is also physically intense and in fact exhausting activities.

I've defined these intense moments as myself and by that defining myself as 'intense person' - because without this 'perceived' intensity - I am not 'touched' by the reality outside of me really.
By extensive self-accepted definition connection re-experiencing - I participate within suppressed energetic compound of continuous inner reactions as thoughts, feelings, emotions - and in fact separated my beingness from reality.

It's like I've developed a shield around me and I know myself and the world by and through this shield - and I am unable to directly experience what is real as in fact I've accepted myself to be like this mostly - but sometimes - when I perceive my experienced reality as 'too intense' - I want to re-catch reality not as usually through my self-definition personality-mind-shield, but with great ease because by myself I can't and that's why momentarily I suffer. So I've developed specific methods to break through my delusions, what are consisting of self-definition systems built up and physically manifested by continuous accepting of self-judgments.

So as a suppressed being as personality - I want to break through personality - but many times still not - mostly it is comfortable for me, for my interest it is coming handy - for not taking Self-responsibility for myself in every single moment.
In overall it's like I want to develop the perfect 'automatic' self-personality program - to help me for taking care for me in the moments/experiences/circumstances what I've defined as 'too intense/boring/painful/risky/etc'.

Within these moments I shift personality dimension - from what is physically here to my self-definition systems - what I've carved within myself inside in the past - and I am walking through these associations and connections within me and "re-lighting up" all the layers of definition systems of the past - what cause energetic frictions within me because in fact I am re-living these judgments, what are simply: Self-dishonesty - because these are the points within me being accepted as 'fall' and to overbalance these falls - I judge as I energetically react(participate within thoughts, feelings, emotions) in a way for being able to perceive myself as 'stable'/'normal' - but in fact I am reacting towards my already Self-accepted automatic energetic reactions.

In overall here I sense a some sort of suppressed want for Self-destruction, to destroy my inner 'reality' to 'clear out' inside in order to be able to accept reality as it is.

As I've build a some sort of image and likeness of me; what is of Self-judgments what are coming from the past when at specific moments I've trusted the information and the 'very act of defining my reality with information' instead of realizing that I am who decide in what to trust and in that moment I've chosen to trust within information instead of myself here.

So until I do not realize the Self-deception within this kind of act specifically at 'my points' - I have the tendency to 'automatically' react with self-judgment again and again and again.

However by walking through my reality - I experience frictions as all the time I have to face the fact that my inner representation of reality is not real but based on dishonesties - and when I want things to happen in a certain way - and do not happen, more likely I screw something up - I realize that in order to change I must let go of my inner representation of my reality: my self-definitions from the past.

That's the idea of the whole Desteni I Process wherein I inverse myself and walk backwards within the mind while physically remaining here to face my own Self-accepted perception of reality and within common sense I check the points, convictions, opinions, decisions, perceptions, beliefs etc coming up and by not reacting automatically but seeing it as it is, writing down, doing mind constructs for instance I can understand how and why I've defined myself according to these definition points.

Okay, let's see an example for this.

Currently, as I walk with my partner, we are exploring what means to be an Agreement. In the beginning I had the idea of this is actually a very cool 'way of life' - direct, simple, effective and Self-supporting so I wanted to try this out and my partner agreed.

So in the beginning I've started with ideas and definitions within my head about Agreement what I wanted to manifest physically, meaning to be with my partner within literal agreement within points in a way what supports all participants(me, her and her kid) and in fact all existence.

But as I started with my already Self-accepted Self-definitions about who and how I must behave by myself and also she had already Self-accepted knowledge and information about who she is, how she must behave - we started as we were 'already wired' within ourselves about points regarding to how we behave with ourselves and other.

I've had several relationships with women in my past from where I brought some 'conclusions' what I accepted as 'universal truth' regardless of for instance a decade passed and I went through a lot and I've changed - this definition within I intentionally did not 'rewrite'/'release' within me - so by default I resonate what I decided (to become) before.

For instance a Self-definition can be as 'I do not really trust in my partner' or 'I do not trust really in women'.

For such a bold statement there must be a story to understand how one could come to this conclusion.
The situation is follows: I've decided to walk, live with a woman who with we agree in points what we live - but under the hood if I still accept my conclusion from past as 'I do not really trust in women' - then the two statements within me do not fit together in harmony - because at occasions I trust within my past-based conclusion about not to trust really in women and in the next moment I want to trust the agreement with my partner what cause friction, what arise energetic movement within me as thoughts, feelings, emotions. Especially myself I've created myself in a way that I have the tendency to suppress emotions in a millisecond and for long decades I've 'wired myself into' this automatic behavior: Self-definitions oppose within me what cause friction and thoughts, emotions arise what I suppress so I do not even realize that in fact I am actually responsible for generating emotions what I do push down within me as I've had the conclusion at my early life that "emotions are just fuckup and cloud my judgments" and "only the weaks wave around by emotions" - so I do not deal with emotions - but I still generate what I suppress what at occasions is just too much and I exert it regardless of situations what I obviously not really like yet I am still able to do so.

Also if I reflect the previous 'trust' statement back('I do not trust in my partner') - the common sense within it is 'Why do I not trust myself?'

Because if I would trust in myself - I would not need to carve any rules within me about who to trust or who not to trust - but simply I trust myself and I trust in my decisions and acts directly in each moment regardless of iron-rules coming from the past(in my head) in which I can see that I was not Self-honest when I made this decision to trust in knowledge and information instead of myself here.

Then I dig out the story from which that conclusion arised and I investigate - I have the suspection of I slipped from reality at a point - because of fear.

I understand that I had a fear from trusting in my partner because of the fear of what if I trust in her and then she will abuse this trust? Why I do think that she would disregard my trust? What I can lose? Why do I want to trust in something or someone separated from me?

Okay, walking through this as Self-forgiveness and Self-corrective statements come soon...

Self-forgiveness momentarily



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feelings drive me instead of myself, as presence I direct me always here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if something is not comfortable, I should avoid it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define agreement as difficult.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define agreement as hell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I always must walk towards difficulty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who is difficult.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that within an agreement I can not be myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within agreement I must give up myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within agreement I must let go everything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am very difficult to be with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who likes to be alone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within agreement I can be myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within agreement I always must experience difficulty.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that wanting to avoid something within the starting point of fear - I am responsible for attracting it into my reality as one as equal as my starting point as fear what I stop within every moment breath by breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I am with somebody then I am within a relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am in a relationship because I am with somebody instead of realizing that within agreement the starting point is self here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my agreement will not work and it will become and remain a 'relationship' what I've defined as trap.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define relationship as trap instead of realizing that relationship is a word what I give meaning by how I am living the word.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from failing within agreement because I've defined it as too intense instead of realizing that the intensity is also coming from myself, the source, here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as intense instead of realizing that the intensity is is also a word what I bring 'alive' by how I define and live physically.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I go into feelings for instance 'sadness' or 'emptiness' - I am not directing myself here but I accept myself as reality as it already manifested - instead of realizing that I am the source, I can change, I can stop participate within feelings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put worth and value within feelings what I've defined as energetic experiences of myself instead of realizing that feelings are energetic experiences coming from the mind what I've allowed to become physically and I must walk the process of letting go constantly breath by breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being exposed about how I am not stable within our agreement when allowing feelings to define how I behave instead of taking self-responsibility and facing the source which is myself and reveal the reason of such self-dishonesty and stop unconditionally to participate within feelings, thoughts, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from remaining within feelings within agreement and wanting to stop agreement to stop experiencing feelings instead of directly stop participate and generate feelings and remain here all ways as physical as breath as action as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that everything I experience is hell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and say that everything here is hell and using it as justification to actually not change in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within thinking I can think out myself from the mind so to speak instead of realizing that I do not need to exit the mind, I do not need to escape from the mind, I do not need to fight the mind - but simply stopping participate within the mind such as thoughts, feelings, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define stopping the mind as good, participate within the mind as bad instead of realizing that within polarizing myself within duality - actually I am still of and as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe that agreement with my partner is some form of competition wherein we must constantly strive for dominancy to be able to direct the agreement as we individually imagine it to be - instead of realizing that within competition and fight - self always loses.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within agreement I always have to obey the other's requirements otherwise the agreement will fail and end.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take very seriously when within agreement I do not do something as I wanted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself to be serious when I feel like I am pushed too much.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself being pushed when my agreement partner asks something from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my agreement to be perfect instantly instead of realizing that this is a process being walked after the decision made for a life.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be able to embrace to walk an agreement for a lifetime because I am not sure that I can bear my partner every day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if my agreement would not work and with my partner would agree on stopping the agreement - then I am failed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being responsible for screwing up the agreement because I am not changing or I am not changing fast enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can change slowly only instead of realizing that self-change is a decision what must be walked physically within consistency.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when my partner tells me or asks me something what I do not want or I do not want to hear because then I am facing with myself what I defined as I do not want to face and this friction charge my energetic mind what I've defined as myself - instead of realizing that everything what I face, especially with my partner - is in fact myself what I must embrace and realize and transform into what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my partner as very difficult person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if my partner says something what I've defined as not as I've defined by myself then I get nervous instead of realizing that I am responsible for what I've defined as myself and in fact I can STOP participate within any self-definition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious when I feel like I am being attacked by my partner - instead of realizing that that I've defined myself as somebody who becomes anxious when feels like being attacked.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to change immediately because as who I've became did not happen in one moment as decision but contiuous acceptance of self-definition - so I've defined myself as somebody who can change slowly what is an excuse not to change immediately.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for how I experience myself instead of realizing that I am responsible for how I perceive myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who wheels up slowly and slows down slowly instead of realizing that this is how I've defined myself as but in fact I can define myself as instant, immediate and constant self-direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as somebody who does not have emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who does not like emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who fights emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who suppresses emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress emotions so quickly that I am not even conscious about it and then I can remain within the perception of 'I have no emotions'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that how and why I suppress emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let emotions define how I experience myself and my reality.
i forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I suppress emotions because I can not stop generating them but I've defined emotions as something what I do not want to experience, be aware of in any way whatsoever because the fear that if I accept myself to have emotions then I am being influenced by emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define emotions as bad yet still suppressing them in order to be able to perceive myself as 'emotionless'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress how I experience, what I experience because of the fear that I might screw things up around me and not wanting to take self-responsibility for what I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define that I require suppress myself within my agreement in order to remain within the agreement instead of realizing that I can write out and forgive them as myself each one, specifically one by one until I am always here as direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nervous when I am being faced with my suppressed emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert my suppressed emotions towards my agreement partner because I blame her unconsciously what I experience because I've defined the following: because I experience this only with her, then it must be that it is because of her - instead of realizing that this is a basic blame game in order to not wanting to face my self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough instead of realizing that this is a justification to not change to as I would not judge myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from changing because within changing I will not be able to define myself as I used to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to how I define what I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the environment within I experience myself instead of being myself directly here the source of who I am as presence as self-will.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize self-dishonesties within me by myself and wanting to have somebody around to reflect back.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my agreement partner as somebody who makes me nervous instead of realizing that I am responsible for such inner reaction by accepted self-definition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from committing myself to one partner for a life because I've defined having a partner for long time as hell because within my past I experienced relationships what did not work and caused confusion and suffering.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being within a partnership with somebody as limitation and ordinary because I've defined it according to my definitions of my past-experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being exposed of my self-accepted self-dishonesties.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within argument in fact I am accepting myself within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to express myself within argument instead of realizing that within argument I am fighting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to stop argument with my partner because I've defined that only within argument I can express myself to her instead of realizing that when I raise my voice and speed up my speak - in fact I am existing within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility when I participate within argument instead of stopping and letting go the point for what I argue.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from remaining not being able to express my point of view instead of realizing that if I argue I am not directing myself here within common sense but I want to push down the other by force.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when I start to argue in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and project self-dishonesties within me towards to my partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to persuade others by conviction because I've obsessed myself with the information instead of living practically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to persuade others with information what I've defined as truth.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest personalities within my behavior by trusting within knowledge and information instead of myself being here directing as self-presence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust within personalities instead of directly trusting myself here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have backchat within my head about points what I fear of instead of unconditionally writing and forgiving the points about the thoughts to reveal the core of the self-dishonesty and prepare myself to STOP.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Self-forgiveness: time, fear


Self-forgiveness: time, fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not having enough time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that time is what is against me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away into the definition of time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must hurry and rush in order to having enough time.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from my time is running out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define time is something what I can beat with sleeping less even less than my body requires to rejuvenate daily.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to introduce habits within my life because of fearing that I do not have enough time for instance while eating alone watching videos/films.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I do not breath here as myself as presence - I am running out of time.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I feel that I do not have enough time or I have to hurry, then I am becoming frustrated and irritated.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated and irritated when I feel like I have not enough time for what I want to do.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that if I obsess myself with that what I want to do instead of doing it - I am unnecessary stressing myself with fearing from what is not real.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to admit that I accept fear within me to not needing to deal with it and in fact not needing to face the fact that I accept myself living in fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself living in fear.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I accepted myself to live in constant fear instead of stop participate within such inner-pattern.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within fearing from not having enough time in fact I fear from not expressing myself in the moment beacuse experiencing that I am constantly suppressing myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself in order to not needing to realize that I live in constant fear.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to face the fact that I accept my life as constant fear.
i forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize in every moment that if I do participate within the mind such as thoughts, feelings, emotions - then I am in fear and using the mind to suppress that within me to not wanting to face what I have accepted and allowed myself to became.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from myself because I do fear from myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from myself because in fact I do not know myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from the unknown.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from undefined because defining the undefined as unknown and defining myself as somebody who is fearing from unknown instead of letting go any definition and breath through fear and push self as physical presence.

When I realize I am rushing, I stop, I realize I fear from not having enough time - I breathe, I realize what is here without any Self-definition and I direct.
When I experience inner dialogue, backchat - I stop, I breathe, I realize for a moment I was lost, but I am here now - I look at the inner reaction as the reflection of what I accepted within and as me and I take full Self-responsibility and I apply Self-forgiveness and I change: I stop accepting thought-based patterns and I breath myself through breath by breath disregarding inner reactions and regard physical presence within common sense.
When I feel like I do not have enough time - I stop - I breathe, I realize I participate within the mind, that's why I feel like I do not have time - I re-align myself with and as my human physical body and I express myself as inner silence.
When I follow a thought to catch a next thought - I realize - I am following the white rabbit into the vortex of fear - I stop. I breathe and I embrace myself and I bring the core of the thought-pattern here - I direct myself to see within me what is causing me to trust within thoughts instead of trusting myself really here and I apply Self-forgiveness unconditionally.
When I feel like I am in stress, frustration, nervousness - I realize - I participate within the mind - I stop everything for a moment, I re-align myself physically here and letting go everything and what remains is me as the physical.
When I accept thoughts and I separate myself from experiencing my reality directly - I realize I've given into fear and I stop - I breathe and I let the point of the thoughts go.
If something is bugging me within timeloops - I realize I must sort this out and I take self-direction and I 'take time' for writing it out and seeing what is within me without any judgment and then applying Self-forgiveness I decide to change and stop.
When I do not want to face something within me and I face with great resistance - I realize I fear from facing myself - what is inevitable - so I use common sense and see what is supporting me really within my process of Self-forgiveness and then apply it.
When I feel like I am confused, when I feel I am unsure, I have doubts - I stop - I realize because I trusted in thoughts and feelings and emotions what are constantly coming and going in and out and within that I would never find stability so I let all go.
When I feel like something is bad for me yet I am doing nothing to stop it - I realize I've given into fear and I am suppressing myself as who I really am and I do stop and I do not give into the temptation of thinking justifications and excuses to overbalance my inner energetic reactions in order to get a momentary 'peace' within my mind.
When I even hear within my voice that I am charging emotionally - I stop, I breathe, I remain inner silent and re-aligny myself here and continue participate with the consideration of 'what is best for all'.
When I experience energetically I am charging up as experiencing emotions, feelings - when these moods 'trip' me or making me 'high' or 'down' - I realize I've accepted my starting point within and as the mind and it is not real - and in fact if I do participate within such Self-dishonesties - in fact I am not real - so I let everything go what is not physical and I direct myself to act within the starting point of 'what is best for all'.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Önmegbocsátás

Megbocsátom magamnak, hogy elfogadtam és megengedtem magamnak, hogy
úgy definiáljam a jelenlétet, az önmegvalósítást, mint egy hatalmas
fémgolyót-követ görgetnék fel a hegyre, mely folyton visszagurul és
újra-és újrakedzem, és kemény munka során egyszercsak felérek a hegyre
és akkor már képes vagyok arra, ami és aki valójában vagyok --
ahelyett, hogy realizálnám, hogy ezt valahol olvastam avval a
kiindulóponttal, hogy így kell, ez a jó, ez a helyes és, mivel
önmagamon kívül akartam keresni magam, az igazságot, a valóságot,
ezért ezt az információt magamévá téve innentől kezdve ezt hittem,
ekként definiáltam magam, ezt fejeztem ki és ezt rezonálva ezzé váltam

Tehát ezt abbahagyom, többé nem definiálom magam és a valóságot,
önmagam, a jelenlétet úgy, mint egy hatalmas golyót-sziklát kellene
feltornászni egy hegy tetejére, miközben néha újra és újra kell
kezdenem.
Amikor úgy tapasztalom magam, hogy így definiálom magam, vagy eszerint
cselekszem, hogy mintha egy hatalmas golyót-sziklát kellene
felcipeljek egy hegyre, akkor lélegzem, realizálom, hogy egy
pillanatra az elmében vettem menedéket, mert elbizonytalanodtam és az
emlék meg az ön-definíció alapján magamon kívül, külső
támasz-információ alapján akartam meghatározni, hogy ki vagyok -- és
szimplán tudatosítom a fizikai jelenlétem, az aktuális testhelyzetem,
a lélegzetem, a környezetem és anélkül, hogy ezt definiálnám, bízok
magamba és kifejezem, hogy valójában ki is vagyok, mint élet,
egységben és egyenlőségben mindennel, ami ITT van, mint az ÉLET.

És ha feljön, akkor így teszek, ha nem teszek így, akkor vagy nem
ástam ki a legmélyét (pl, miért kerestem magamon kívül azt, hogy ki és
mi és hogyan vagyok, hogyan legyek) vagy nem írtam, mondtam az
önmegbocsátást eleget, hogy teljesen rezonáljon az egész lényemmel,
hogy amikor a trigger pont feljön, egyből tudatába legyek, amikor az
elme mozog, akkor lássam, hogy mozog és én állok és mielőtt még újra
ezt fejezném ki fizikailag, leállok egy pillanatra, lélegzek, ha kell,
számolok, hogy 1,2,3,4 kilégzés, csend, 1,2,3,4, belégzés, 1,2,3,4
csend.
És amikor a csend van, akkor belül csend van-e vagy még van ezzel
kapcsolatban belső rezgés és ha van, akkor ami feljön, azt szó szerint
megbocsátom és elengedem feltétel nélkül.

Ez a gyakorlati útja az önmegbocsátásnak, nem csak leírom, hogy
megbocsátom, hanem amikor jön ez a pont, akkor én már tudom,
felkészültem, kifejeztem, hogy ezt a pontot értem, ebben változni
akarok, most jön a transzcendálás, hogy igenis változom, nem adok a
félelemnek, nem adok a vágynak, mert megértettem, mert már jártam ott,
mert a belső reakción túl van az élet, én.
Ezért amikor jön a pont, már tudom, hogy o-ó, ez nem az.
Mint amikor valaki Érd fele az autópályáról máshol jön le, mint ha pl Érd-re menne -
megtanulja - ha az van, hogy "Törökbálint", akkor az nem az az út,
ahova akar menni, már járt ott. De ehhez el kell tudni olvasni azt a
táblát és azt lehet, hogy ideiglenesen magamnak kell felcímkézni - az
önmegbocsátással, hogy "ez a belső reakció félelemhez vezet, itt már
jártam, nem akarok menni erre, inkább lélegzek és tolom magam kifele -
mint amikor a gyereket szülöm, tolom, tolom, fizikailag, fújok,
lélegzek, de akkor sem".

Ezért az önmegbocsátás a valódi önreflexió, nem azért, mert
jézus+atya+úristen, hanem mert azért ön-reflexió, mert kifejezem, hogy
"meg akarok bocsátani magamnak, egy új esélyt akarok bocsátani
magamnak ebben a konkrét pontban" - és ha jön a pont és én újra beadom
magam a félelmemnek, akkor valójában az önmegbocsátásom nem volt
valódi, hiszen csak leírtam , csak mondtam, hogy itt, ebben a pontban
megbocsátok magamnak, de valójában, amikor valójában jött ez a pont,
mint saját magam, akiként eddig elfogadtam és megengedtem magam, akkor
valójában nem változtam, nem bocsátottam egy új, tiszta, üres lapot
magamnak ezzel kapcsolatban, tehát az önmegbocsátásom még nem valódi.
Lehet, hogy a szándék, az akarat megvolt, de maga a pillanat, mint
valóság, mint önmagam - még nem.
Ezért ez a legjobb, mert itt nincs sunnyogás, hanem
direkt, azonnali, közvetlen, érthető, ingyenes és valódi
önbizalom-növelő, hiszen ilyenkor ÉN valójában változom, úgy, hogy
abszolút és teljes módon meg is értem, hogy hogyan és miért. Ez az
önbeavatás.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

EMS: Group of Equals: perspective on feeding a poor nazi


"the practice of awareness and self-forgiveness in order capture and to evolve beyond selfishness, and to actively, effectively care with other sentients is not a form of real, gentle and tangible love?"

And equality means that i have to treat and support equally an african starving child and a poorish nazi also?


This is a group of walking equals - meaning that until one do not realize the impact and responsibility of the individual for the group and for all existence - until that one is not ready for walking as equal with the others who already realized and showing an example by living.
This is the Eye of the Needle where only those go through who can live as equals - until that the group must hold in order to protect the 'equality' of the walking individuals of the group. Unfortunately and anyway this comes down to the point of money what dictates life and death simply by the distribution of the tools for living/surviving such as food, shelter, water, health care, REAL education etc.
Then the individual must walk the process of Self-honesty and Self-forgiveness until not being nazi anymore for instance and then can be part of the group with all the 'shared' benefits - and responsibilities.
So I'd say - until one is expressing being 'nazi' - then that one is resigned from the 'rights' of the Equality Group - as it is based on the principle of Equality and Oneness, what is best for all - for instance giving food and shelter and living conditions can be great for all - but for some to want dominate according to racism is not best for all - so a nazi even the poorest can have choice to let go nazism if hungry.
Fascinating to embrace this with for instance 'starving african' kids - as they certainly require education where they can understand how they, things, the world operate - until understanding is not practical - the individual require 'facilitation' - however this means money.
But as the global current system do not 'feed' the group(or anyone) by default - the Equality group(pack of principled individuals) must find practical ways to remain, stabilize and expand(be open to be found for assistance for instance) - and (un)fortunately this comes down to the amount of money as everything has a value what is not equated by default for all.

Self-forgiveness: Agreement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feelings drive me instead of myself, as presence I direct me always here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if something is not comfortable, I should avoid it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define agreement as difficult.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define agreement as hell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I always must walk towards difficulty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who is difficult.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that within an agreement I can not be myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within agreement I must give up myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within agreement I must let go everything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am very difficult to be with.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who likes to be alone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within agreement I can be myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within agreement I always must experience difficulty.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that wanting to avoid something within the starting point of fear - I am responsible for attracting it into my reality as one as equal as my starting point as fear what I stop within every moment breath by breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I am with somebody then I am within a relationship.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am in a relationship because I am with somebody instead of realizing that within agreement the starting point is self here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my agreement will not work and it will become and remain a 'relationship' what I've defined as trap.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define relationship as trap instead of realizing that relationship is a word what I give meaning by how I am living the word.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from failing within agreement because I've defined it as too intense instead of realizing that the intensity is also coming from myself, the source, here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as intense instead of realizing that the intensity is is also a word what I bring 'alive' by how I define and live physically.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that when I go into feelings for instance 'sadness' or 'emptyness' - I am not directing myself here but I accept myself as reality as it already manifested - instead of realizing that I am the source, I can change, I can stop participate within feelings.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put worth and value within feelings what I've defined as energetic experiences of myself instead of realizing that feelings are energetic experiences coming from the mind what I've allowed to become physically and I must walk the process of letting go constantly breath by breath.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being exposed about how I am not stable within our agreement when allowing feelings to define how I behave instead of taking self-responsibility and facing the source which is myself and reveal the reason of such self-dishonesty and stop unconditionally to participate within feelings, thoughts, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from remaining within feelings within agreement and wanting to stop agreement to stop experiencing feelings instead of directly stop participate and generate feelings and remain here all ways as physical as breath as action as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that everything I experience is hell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and say that everything here is hell and using it as justification to actually not change in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that within thinking I can think out myself from the mind so to speak instead of realizing that I do not need to exit the mind, I do not need to escape from the mind, I do not need to fight the mind - but simply stopping participate within the mind such as thoughts, feelings, emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define stopping the mind as good, participate within the mind as bad instead of realizing that within polarizing myself within duality - actually I am still of and as the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe that agreement with my partner is some form of competition wherein we must constantly strive for dominance to be able to direct the agreement as we individually imagine it to be - instead of realizing that within competition and fight - self always loses.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that within agreement I always have to obey the other's requirements otherwise the agreement will fail and end.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take very seriously when within agreement I do not do something as I wanted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself to be serious when I feel like I am pushed too much.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself being pushed when my agreement partner asks something from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my agreement to be perfect instantly instead of realizing that this is a process being walked after the decision made for a life.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be able to embrace to walk an agreement for a lifetime because I am not sure that I can bear my partner every day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if my agreement would not work and with my partner would agree on stopping the agreement - then I am failed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being responsible for screwing up the agreement because I am not changing or I am not changing fast enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can change slowly only instead of realizing that self-change is a decision what must be walked physically within consistency.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when my partner tells me or asks me something what I do not want or I do not want to hear because then I am facing with myself what I defined as I do not want to face and this friction charge my energetic mind what I've defined as myself - instead of realizing that everything what I face, especially with my partner - is in fact myself what I must embrace and realize and transform into what is best for all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my partner as very difficult person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if my partner says something what I've defined as not as I've defined by myself then I get nervous instead of realizing that I am responsible for what I've defined as myself and in fact I can STOP participate within any self-definition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious when I feel like I am being attacked by my partner - instead of realizing that that I've defined myself as somebody who becomes anxious when feels like being attacked.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to change immediately because as who I've became did not happen in one moment as decision but contiuous acceptance of self-definition - so I've defined myself as somebody who can change slowly what is an excuse not to change immediately.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for how I experience myself instead of realizing that I am responsible for how I perceive myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as somebody who wheels up slowly and slows down slowly instead of realizing that this is how I've defined myself as but in fact I can define myself as instant, immediate and constant self-direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who does not have emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who does not like emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who fights emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as somebody who suppresses emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress emotions so quickly that I am not even conscious about it and then I can remain within the perception of 'I have no emotions'.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that how and why I suppress emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let emotions define how I experience myself and my reality.
i forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I suppress emotions because I can not stop generating them but I've defined emotions as something what I do not want to experience, be aware of in any way whatsoever because the fear that if I accept myself to have emotions then I am being influenced by emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define emotions as bad yet still suppressing them in order to be able to perceive myself as 'emotionless'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress how I experience, what I experience because of the fear that I might screw things up around me and not wanting to take self-responsibility for what I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define that I require suppress myself within my agreement in order to remain within the agreement instead of realizing that I can write out and forgive them as myself each one, specifically one by one until I am always here as direction.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nervous when I am being faced with my suppressed emotions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert my suppressed emotions towards my agreement partner because I blame her unconsciously what I experience because I've defined the following: because I experience this only with her, then it must be that it is because of her - instead of realizing that this is a basic blame game in order to not wanting to face my self-responsibility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough instead of realizing that this is a justification to not change to as I would not judge myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from changing because within changing I will not be able to define myself as I used to.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to how I define what I do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the environment within I experience myself instead of being myself directly here the source of who I am as presence as self-will.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize self-dishonesties within me by myself and wanting to have somebody around to reflect back.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my agreement partner as somebody who makes me nervous instead of realizing that I am responsible for such inner reaction by accepted self-definition.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from committing myself to one partner for a life because I've defined having a partner for long time as hell because within my past I experienced relationships what did not work and caused confusion and suffering.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being within a partnership with somebody as limitation and ordinary because I've defined it according to my definitions of my past-experiences.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being exposed of my self-accepted self-dishonesties.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within argument in fact I am accepting myself within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to express myself within argument instead of realizing that within argument I am fighting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being able to stop argument with my partner because I've defined that only within argument I can express myself to her instead of realizing that when I raise my voice and speed up my speak - in fact I am existing within fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility when I participate within argument instead of stopping and letting go the point for what I argue.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from remaining not being able to express my point of view instead of realizing that if I argue I am not directing myself here within common sense but I want to push down the other by force.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize when I start to argue in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and project self-dishonesties within me towards to my partner.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to persuade others by conviction because I've obsessed myself with the information instead of living practically.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to persuade others with information what I've defined as truth.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest personalities within my behavior by trusting within knowledge and information instead of myself being here directing as self-presence.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust within personalities instead of directly trusting myself here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat within my head about points what I fear of instead of unconditionally writing and forgiving the points about the thoughts to reveal the core of the self-dishonesty and prepare myself to STOP.

To be continued.,,