Sunday, April 21, 2013

[JTL 30] Self-correction on fearing from consequences

I continue with preparing myself within self-corrective statements to take responsibility for the consequences I face regarding to crying and fear from changing.
I commit myself to not go into the pattern of guilt when someone is crying to me.
I commit myself to actually look at the facts and reality about what really happened and what was my involvement within the fact that someone ended up crying to me.
I commit myself to not fear from facing consequences but realizing that what is done is done but in the moment, each moment, consistently within every moment I can make a difference to not manifest the consequence what I am responsible for.
I commit myself to fear from being with someone because of making the other crying with what I do or with what I do not do and I commit myself to transform all my relationships within and without based on principled walking within equality practically.
I commit myself to stop a self-dishonest pattern what I realize by using the tools provided by desteni such as self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements, self-commitments unconditionally without any reason but for standing as the living word, as the living forgiveness within and as the flesh.

When and as I face reality within someone is crying, especially when crying to me I remain clear, calm, breathing, present and open without the fear that I might react emotionally, without the fear of being influenced.
When and as I realize that someone is crying to me that I am responsible for bad feelings and suffering, I remain calm, present, I use common sense that what I can do for solving this problem what I am involved to without the emotional waves of fear, guilt, remorse within as I am realizing that I face consequences for what I've done or what I haven't done within the past and only within this specific moment I can change, I can make a difference.

When and as I fear from engaging into a relationship because of not being stable for doing so - I realize I can change, I can walk equal and one agreement with myself and by living that and expressing towards others - I can stop participate within patterns what with I abuse others or myself - so then I use writing, I use common sense and I use self-correction and self-commitment and scripting to specifically PREVENT shit to happen.

When and as I fear from losing myself and not keeping my word and not acting according to what I say - I stop, I breathe, I re-align myself with and as the words I speak - and if I said something what I do not see as the best for all participants then I do not fear from 'I have to do it because I've said so' - because that is of energy and by energy I am manipulating and enforcing myself - so then I make decisions what I can live and walk without energy, without conditioned, contextual thoughts, feelings emotions reactions and by those energetic movements charging specific personalities within and by that acting according to words I react to - instead of I stand here, I simplify myself here, I breathe, I stick to the principles of absolute self-honesty, presence, writing, self-correction, self-forgiveness and only engaging into agreements if fear comes from a particular topic to participate within such as sexual-relationship.

When and as I fear from rebound with my someone who I've had relationship, I stop, I breathe - I realize I fear from facing the manifested consequence, and I fear from not getting what I've defined getting by that particular relationship, and then I use common sense and I see what is the best for me and for all participants and if wanting to engage, I make sure that the basic, default things are clear and we agree on specific words what by we live and be together and if that does not happen, I do not expect, I do not react, I do not hope, but I do not engage to make sure that I prevent any emotional shit to happen.

When and as I start to follow thoughts within and then another thought, I stop, I breathe, I realize I am within fear - I do not see it through so then using systems to think instead of myself being fully aware of the situation to act within one singular breath the best for all participants - so then I realize I have already formed relationships within parts of the manifested system I face - and then I naturally disengage and let go all the relationships I hold onto within and as myself such as thoughts, feelings and emotions towards things outside of me.

When and as I fear from enjoying the moment with someone, even with my partner, I realize I do not need to fear, I can be myself and still I can remain self-directive without the fear of losing myself within fear or desire - and when I would do so - I stop, I breathe, I re-align myself and stick to the self-agreement within such as daily writing and keeping my words and take responsibility for what I do and say as equal as one.

When and as I fear from being judged by anyone because of the way I've decided to live my life - I stop reacting with fear and wanting to have more and more reason and clues for what I am able to decide so - I stop - I am self-decision, self-will, self-direction and I trust myself even if all the humanity would judge me as bullshit - if I see that it is clear and self-honest within me - I remain stable, calm, directive and walk my breath one step at a time and every time I become unsure, I stop for a moment, I let everything go within and when I am inner silent again, I walk again.

When and as I fear from being myself, and fear from being extremely expressive, I stop, I breathe, I realize I've been holding myself back in my entire life so I must give the moments to myself to let go and let everything out without the fear of being judged and the fear of harming others - so within moments of anxiety and frustration I realize I can be myself naturally without any reason and energy - I am simply here I am myself as breath, I am expression, I am flesh, I am life.

When and as I fear from enjoying the moment because of having a particular memory about 'when the last time I had this, that shit happened' - I stop, I let it go, I realize this moment is this moment, that moment was that moment - yet I use common sense, so I do not try to not see what is obvious, and I trust myself within that and I trust myself within the moment even if it means that making an apparently judge-able mistake for a couple of times - I rather trust myself within moment than making an other rule within myself based on fear and context and memory.

When and as I suppress emotions I stop and I realize it is because I fear from expressing myself and I fear from being responsible for the reason I am generating the emotions - by other or by myself - so within the suppression - I realize I am suppressing myself and systematizing myself and later on myself as moment will not be expressed but the systematized self-definitions will take over and try to equate the systematizing act of self-suppression through thoughts, emotions, feelings and energies what is certainly not life, so I do not suppress myself, rather seeing the core of self-suppression and the reason for not allowing myself to trust myself in the expression as myself - and then investigating that as myself and see what would be the best outcome for myself and for all participants within common sense.

When and as I feel that I am having good feelings, I realize I am energizing myself regarding to self-judgments and definitions, and by that I am not directly in and as the moment but of self-definitions, of self-fear, of being obsessed with one part of the reality, the polarity what I've defined that I am made for feeling myself good and never questioning that within what feels good is based on how I've allowed myself or did myself to program myself based on my interest - and that I can stop, I can transform into direct self-expression wherein I can experience self-enjoyment without the judgments of feeling good.

When and as I feel bad, I realize I am generating inner reactions what I've defined as negative and then I have the tendency to want to generate and participate within things what I've defined as positive and by that wanting to equate and balance and overcome the negative within and as my mind what is entirely not real, and by that I do not directly face the reality what I react to as 'negative' but I just want to make myself to feel good and never considering to changing myself and solving to stop the thing what is happening as being defined as 'negative' or even it is really negative or it is just opposed my currently self-defined self-interest.

When and as I use blame for someone who is apparently suffering from me because she(or he) did not take my words seriously, I realize it is not about words, it is about the physical actions I do and the consideration of what is already here yet not being defined by what is here.

When and as I fear from others blaming me - I realize I fear from responsibility - because if the blame is real so that I am responsible - it is not blame, but assisting and supporting me to realize my responsibility - and if it is just blame for what I am not responsible - then there is nothing to fear from because it is not my issue, but the other is facing the mind as manifested self and then I can remain clear, calm, here.

When and as someone is saying to me that I am responsible - I use common sense and realize that it is not about automatically believe and react but it is about reality and common sense - so then if I am present as clear inside and breathing - I can see that am I responsible, can I directly solve that? And if so then I take full responsibility and I commit myself to do whatever it takes to solve it to stop my relationship within myself with the self-judgments of regret and shame and fear from being responsible yet not doing anything and realizing that I can actually do something.

When and as I see that someone is stating that I am responsible for something what I have done or not done - and I see that I can not solve it, the manifested consequence is here, regardless of what I do or not - I do not regret, I do not go into emotional waves of shame - but I transform that realization into self-direction of direct and practical awareness that I am making sure that I take responsibility to PREVENT that to happen again and I do not fear from making the same mistake again but I prepare myself within writing, within scripting and self-forgiveness.

When and as I fear from going into a relationship with someone with no agreement - I realize it is because of desires drive me, because of fear drive me, because of shame drive me - and I stop, I breathe, I re-align myself with the principles - and if I fear from going into an agreement with someone - because it might not work - then I stop myself fearing by realizing what I fear to lose or what I fear to manifest and how actually I can be responsible and how actually I can make a difference and how I can talk and discuss with that with the person I want to - and if not possible to direct that into direct communication, then I'd just skip that and realize - I must make myself clearly expressed that I only go into agreement, if everything is clear and agreed and kept - otherwise it will not stand the time.

When and as I fear from going into an agreement - I realize that first things first - I walk through Desteni I Process Agreement Course and by that I form a Self-agreement and then when I can walk that - I can explore expanding that with someone else - but until that - I stick to the basics, and I stick to the course and common sense and I explore how I can walk self-agreement and what I do require to agree with myself in order to remain effective within society and expand myself within equality and oneness without the fear of 'too much' and 'not enough'.

When and as I fear from going into agreement before I am ready for that - I realize I can still be within a sexual relationship by agreeing on specific things what both can agree on - and if I am unstable because of this not being effective - then I might re-align myself and communicate with the other to solve it - or I might consider to stop the relationship because inner quietness and effective self-honest walk of the mind within self-honesty is the priority - and it is not about exploding shit within ourselves all the time to 'try to expose and stop all the self-dishonesties at the same time' because then the reactions will wash my presence away and consistency can not be stabilized what is not common sense.

When and as I consider to walk with someone who is not Destonian - not using the tools of self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self-writing, self-commitment, self-correction within common sense - that is a decision what I can respect - and by that I can respect myself and the other as equal as one and realizing it is not about bullying the other to be the way I want to be - but seeing my mind and stopping my mind - and if the walk with the non-destonian is making me constantly falling and trying to pick myself up again - is not effective - then I might consider to re-align myself and if even that does not work, then I must let go the other and the relationship and the need for walking with such person.

When and as I fear from walking with a non-destoninan a relationship/agreement - I realize I fear from facing myself within the very system I am exposed to and fearing from not being able to stand within the same manifestation of the system within small - within what I've always existed to and not realizing that there is a desire to be influenced by destonians when I am not walking the destonian walk such as stick to self-forgiveness, self-honesty, writing, sharing unconditionally and by those moments wanting to be conditioned to re-gain and reinforce my stability within using the tools by forces outside of me and not realizing that I can do that to myself directly without the external influences.

When and as I judge myself that I am not 'progressing' within self-direction and self-honesty and the process of stopping the mind and wanting to boost it, wanting to 'progress faster' - I realize that it is because I am not consistently using the tools as myself as self-honesty, self-forgiveness, writing - every day therefore my judgment that I do not progress enough is meaning that I am not walking within consistency by not doing the tools every day unconditionally - and by judging that - wanting to solve it without actually writing every day - so then I re-align myself with what I decided to do so and progress effectively - every day.

When and as I judge myself that 'today I've written my Agreement Course assignment, so then I've already done my 'self-honest-walk' part, I do not need to deal with the issues today I am facing' - I realize it is diversion - and in fact fear - fear from not being able to have enough time - not specifically to something but just being able to 'judge myself to have an abstract enough time' because when I've defined myself not having enough time' in fact I am not disciplined to use time effectively therefore judging myself and not actually changing myself.

When and as I see a point within myself as issue - I write it to my blog and I walk through it - and not fearing from 'it will be too long to walk through so I'd just skip it' - then I compress it, I do not scratch around it but directly facing and directly writing about the self-dishonesty, the core - and even with some sentences I can assist and support myself to transform myself day by day.

When and as I judge myself that other destonians wrote dozens of pages every day and I want the same - I realize it is not about the quantity, it is not about others, it is about myself and about assisting and supporting myself within consistency and if I am being frustrated by not being able to be consistent - I realize it is because at days I am skipping writing - and if I have an issue about it, then I should write about 'having an issue why not writing every day' specifically by realizing - I can use the tools to anything within myself what I am not equal and one as life within.

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