Monday, June 17, 2013

[JTL 61] Self-correction: fear within education

Continuing on decomposing my limitations regarding to learning and studying.

I start with my personal experience why I am voting to change the currently established education system. When I was kid, teachers sometimes hit the kids, myself as well - it did not damage really physically(however it did hurt) but psychologically. Since then(more than 20 years) in my country the education has changed, so it is not that rude like I had sometimes but still - it is not supporting the kids As Life and I am sure that there are still areas on Earth where this kind of abuse takes place what should not.
I see currently accepted common education as harm against Life as a tool for enslavement and as unhealthy as it promotes inequality, separation, competition, comparison, strive, fight and fear.
What comes up first is when about 10 years old I was the math teacher hit me at the board and I've hit my head into the board. He said 'stupid sheeple berta' and his face was red from being drunk and white from the chalk as he often squeezed his face with his chalky palms.
And the only thing what came up in me from that moment when he called me out to solve the math stuff that
'He is going to hit me, he might hit me in the next moment, omg, he might hit my head onto the board oh shit I must do the stuff fast before he gets crazy'
So then from that apparently I was not so good in math when I was tested  'in spoke words'.
Even at university when I had to do verbal exams I was really stressed, and many times verbally proving myself in the exam was an enormously anxious experience for me - and obviously I did not really performed well.
I do not see that only this experience was the reason that I've blocked myself down within fear and stress when I was asked in school, but until I am not releasing this reaction with 'god damn son of a bitch, holy fucking jesus christ', I am responsible. Specifically since I am aware of the Solution as Self-forgiveness. Holding onto the past within memories based on resonant fear is not Life so I am releasing unconditionally.
So let's walk.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from being punished from teacher if I do not know the subject or can not give the proper answer for the teacher's question.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not being good enough in school and therefore being punished.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that it is insane that the teacher hit me in the sake of provoking me to do the math and perform and not realizing that I could tell my mother what happened but I did not within the fear of being punished again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into inferiority and submissive when facing someone who I define as teacher and when asking becoming nervous and anxious within the fear that what if I do not know the answer properly or what if the teacher punishes me verbally or physically and there is no way out therefore accepting it as it is and suppressing everything what I feel and not understanding what is going on within me.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the teachers who are hitting children are out of sanity and it is not me who has the problem but the teacher and the school system therefore I do not take it personally - I was simply a collateral damage within the system and who I was in that time provoked the teacher to exert his anger towards me and it is now only a memory within me and he is gone and I am here and there is no danger or chance to go into a situation like this again therefore I let it go, I stop reacting to it within breathing presence.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to let go the judgment and the anger towards the teacher who hit me at school, not only the math teacher but other teachers as well and blaming them for the suffering I've been formed by without understanding and without able to support myself to avoid it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust in my mother and family grownups within telling them back then when teachers hit me because I was also busy blaming them as well for sending me to school where I was not understood and not assisted in the way I could develop constant self-trust, self-will and self-intimacy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conclude that I can not really trust anyone and defining it as I can not really speak about my deepest inner experiences and reactions to other people within thinking and judgment that they do not understand me and they have no power over the experience and the circumstances I've been exposed to anyway so therefore I've defined myself to just swallow everything until it is too much and then by the exerting of the suppressed energy finding a way which through I can find the least painful experience of living.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate to memorize things within school because judging it as completely useless and bullshit and resisting it by not understanding why I had to memorize all the information what is available in books any time meanwhile it is totally unrelated with day to day living especially with my personal world, desires, wants, future goals.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within currently established government-directed education system it is not about Self as Life but it is of and as the system of consciousness as the heart of the system driven by and as money, profit, greed and enslavement.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the human government establishment system as must be resisted in all ways because believing that what I resist to I am protected from and not realizing that in fact I am part of this system, I am the system itself and by any perceived separation I am disempowering myself to be able to become effective and directive within and as the system and not realizing the simplest and most effective solution to amalgamate myself into and as this human system without being of the system but as Principle as Life as All as Equal as One and accumulate impact one by one within consistency.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to speak to teacher because I've defined myself as somebody who can not really speak properly and who can not the man of words and defining myself as I am not cool to express myself with people and not realizing that the way I've experienced myself so is because of the accepted self-judgments of myself constantly within and actually listening to thoughts and believing that it is me and reflect of my reality meanwhile it is of fear, it is of programmed self-sabotage by definition.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've allowed myself to fear from not being able to memorize things what I've judged as bullshit and therefore literally going into machine mode and writing and saying it about a hundred times I've defined as required to be able to memorize words and when comparing myself to others who might have to repeatedly say or write things to remember only about a couple of times, I am having the reaction as thoughts as 'but then once I remember it, it will stay with me for ever' - to be able to have an innder judgment as 'positive' after a 'negative' to balance out the energetic mind as self defined as consciousness mind system within who I perceive myself to be and not realizing that I am simply here as physical manifestation of Life what can directly experience, learn and express without any judgment in every moment and one singular thought is a reflection to a self-accepted fear about separation and fear of loss based on self-judgment related to memory.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to let go all fears within me believing that I am driven by the system of avoidance - literally avoiding and dancing around the perceptions what I've defined as bad and reacting to and separating myself from based on memory meanwhile not realizing that I am not directly here, I am blocking my physical presence to absorb and integrate and learn practical skills without difficulty by filtering and reacting to the subject of learning by constantly defining myself as 'I am learning slow because this is the way I've formed and I can not learn directly especially when have to remember' - meanwhile the only thing is causing me not to learn is me by self-judgment.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that the way I have allowed myself to learn and study from 'life' experiences and reality is equal and one the way I've programmed myself to 'learn and study' within schooling as degrading myself into a dumb robot what can only learn when repeating until I 'fall off through the wall' of repetition after experiences of 'it is difficult, I need more time, I can not do it, It's bullshit, I could find other way, this is not my strength' and after all when I've learnt it defining it as difficult and defining myself as 'I am not good in learning fast when it's about learning knowledge and information what I do not need for surviving.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only learn and study when surviving or money earning is depending on it and motivating myself by reacting to the idea of fear of not having food, shelter, goodies such as chokolete, cheese, hot water and hi-tech gadgets with fast internet what I've defined as worth fighting for and not realizing that learning and studying I've defined as fight, war, battle against my already accepted self-judgments to literally hit the knowledge into myself with almost brute force of repetition so many times that the body directly can do it without me.
I forgive myself that I have never ever considered even the possibility that it is not the mind what learns but the body and the fact that why my learning and studying ability is not flowing naturally is because I've defined and programmed my body to learn only through the mind's repetition as judgments and energies meanwhile in fact if I allow the learning to skip the mind - I as body as flesh as Life can integrate much-much faster with an ease what I do not even comprehend yet.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and judge certain kind of areas within what I am good at learning such as what requires physical movements, reflexes, agility and dexterity and never realizing it is because within that there is not enough time for thinking, for instance as juggling, athletics, sports, dancing - because simply then I have built self-trust and confidence that I can simply learn by doing it and sleeping one and in the next day practicing it and it is naturally expanding meanwhile judging myself and my learning ability in relation to words and sentences and knowledge and information as -extremely slow and difficult and hard and exhausting and not realizing that because I had not built the same self-confidence, self-trust, self-direction within and as me based on my previous experiences, accepted self-definitions, memories, fears based on schooling system and other experiences.
I forgive myself that I have not considered that many aspects of my personality I've formed based on and according to these definitions and how I've ended up in the profession I am in currently and why I am good within that and how specifically became effective within computer programming without ever becoming curious about it or questioning why I've became the one who I am here today.
I forgive myself that I have never questioned who I am and why I am who I am based on the principle what is best for all? And questioning that who I am currently is best for me? And questioning that what practically must be done in order to who I am being what is best for me and best for all equally.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I can learn and motivate myself without fear or without anxiety and in fact without energy - energy of mind as result of thoughts, feelings and emotions what then compounds and requires to release when it is too much or requires me to go into specific personality definition manifestation expressions in order to react again with the specific thought-feeling-emotion-- patterns for the same energetic reaction to equate the whole matrix of perfection characters within and as who I've defined and programmed myself to be in and as this physical human body what is proven to be not the best for me or for all and accepting it every day wihout even realizing it.

Self-correction in and as the moment stop the physically programmed cycle when the programmed fear-based reaction comes 'alive' automatically.
Starting with the previously written post:
When and as I face a learning ability or type or area what I judge or define or think that not my style, I am not good within that or I am less effective within that or resisting it by 'guts' - I stop, I immediately relax my physical presence and allow breathing in and out naturally - breathing in all mind so to speak and breathing out all mind so to speak and taking direction into and as myself directly as presence without defining the situation about learning, about myself, about effectiveness. I embrace the Self-direction as Self-decision as Self-will that I am integrating knowledge and information into practicality undefined.
When and as I judge my relationship or my existing reactions towards memory - I stop - I let go and if there is a self-definition literally coming up such as 'I am ...' - it is of past, of judgment of fear - I embrace, I give myself a moment to re-align myself as the starting point as Self-direction without inner reaction as Principle as it is best for me and for all - and I live that decision with no 'remorse', I allow myself to push myself into and as direct physical presence in every inbreath, inhold, outbreath, outhold meanwhile I am here, undefined, no thoughts, judgments, feelings, energy, memory, or energetic state is required - I am here.
When and as I judge school teachers and family elders the way I am currently as their responsibility - I stop - I direct myself to let go, forgive myself for all they've done as I realize it was not personal, I forgive myself for all I've done as it was not personal but programmed into flesh - but I become aware of this programming step by step and I stop it as myself as the programmed consciousness - I stop myself as consciousness and I allow to express myself as life as physical.
When and as I fear from not being right when asked for information - I realize judgment does not help, anxiety does not help for remembering, nervousness is of fear from memories to manifest what I've judged as I have no power over to stop it - and I realize I can be directive here and when facing shit what is not best for me and all - I use common sense directly within action to prevent the shit and when it is already manifested - I realize what is physically manifested I must direct it as myself as equal as one to change otherwise it will persist as the equal and one relationship with and as myself as inner as outer.
When and as I fear from making mistake when answering within the fear of being judged as dumb or stupid - I stop, I realize it is not helping, if something I decide to learn then I give the time and expand my practical knowledge by common sense and no inner judgment is required but to re-align myself with and as breathing action in all moments equally.
When and as I see that I face difficulty within memorizing things - I remain undefined - I breathe and I study with physical integration with writing, seeing relationships between words without judgment - allowing myself to learn naturally.
When and as I resist learn or memorize something what is required - I realize it is because of the memory coming up as fear, resistance, abuse and difficulty what is not related to here for what I memorize but of my past and I let go the past and remain undefined within trusting myself as direct presence in the moment with no mind but physical flesh living and breathing unconditionally within self-direction.
When and as I see and define a limit within my learning speed and quantity - I realize I can use common sense and not the past to assist myself within learning.
When and as I define that there is too much information what my mind can not store - I realize the self-limitation can be forgiven and released and as I've defined my mind as limited by numbers - I can upgrade and expand myself as self allowing the physical of me to study directly.
When and as I compare my speed of learning with other's speed and learning - I stop it, I use common sense and I trust myself and I realize it is not a competition and there is difference between human's speed of natural learning and everyone can learn the same points equally if given enough time or consistency within the points based on understanding how learning works.
When and as I accumulate inner reactions such as judging learning itself or judging myself and defining myself as inferior related to points to study or judging myself as superior in relation to points - I realize I try to learn with energy of mind, what boosts the definitions of mind to become alive and really limit me as giving permission to limit myself by my acceptance what is not of Self-honesty or common sense therefore I stop it and direct myself to remain undefined and Self-willed, naturally, with no energy, consistently, unconditionally.
When and as I define myself as very good in logic and getting the understanding within dynamics and relationship between words but using it as positive affirmation towards myself to be able to accept myself as 'slow' within 'learning and memorizing' I realize it is a polarity system within what I am not directive but reactive based on self-accepted reactions towards circumnstances what I use as excuse and justification to not stop and expand naturally.
I commit myself to stop reacting to learning and studying with thoughts and energy - I simply learn and direct myself and if inner reaction comes up as thoughts, feelings, emotions - I realize I've compounded lack of self-direction, so I stop, I let it go and I direct myself - and if distractions arise I realize I can use common sense to expand my limits yet not allow myself to use limits as excuse for being distracted, rather than when studying, not allowing distractions but to see what and why and where I specifically go into the mind and what I do automatically to be able to stop.
I commit myself to remain undefined while learning and studying and stop allowing fear and anxiety and nervousness as sign of using personality of memory in relation to fear - and then I naturally stop it within the realization of the Solution as Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness, Self-will and Self-direction within the mathematical accumulation of 1+1=2.
I commit myself to let go all competition and comparison between me and others in terms of learning and allowing myself to understand how I work and understand what is Self-dishonesty within and why I've manifested so and how to practically stop as Self as Self-dishonesty in every moment without any excuse and without defining characters within what I do not require to stop but 'to rest' from stopping using it as backdoor from discipline as Life.
I commit myself to assist and support myself with the tools suggested by Desteni such as Self-honest assessment within writing, saying aloud and practically, physically living Self-forgiveness within stopping patterns of what proven to be not best for me and all by walking the Journey to Life each day and walk through Desteni I Process and research and share my realizations about the current education system and how to transform it to be the best for all.
I commit myself to expose the current enslavement system as manifested and defined as 'education' what is the education of consciousness systems infesting physical life opportunity as organic bodies by programming fear, judgment, separation what is certainly NOT human nature, what is NOT best for all, what is NOT unchangeable.
I commit myself to walk the Solution to Life myself as walking out from the maze of the mind consciousness step by step, day by day, breath by breath until it's done and assist and support those who are ready to do the same and stand up for all life and change the system from wihin without fight, without resistance, without violence but by taking on and embracing the current law and political system and walk through manifested resistances and accumulate impact within consistency.
I commit myself to stop the religion of self-interest what is fear from fear based on programmed physical and to walk the deprogramming of physical from the mind and any time I forget or miss myself as purpose as Life until all life is not here: I re-align myself and making sure that I do not make the same mistake again by being self-honest to see how and why the pattern I give permission to escape the responsibility I have for myself and all others equally within the principle of what is best for all.
I commit myself to see and walk practically what means to live these words I write and not write and say this but act it as naturally who I am without any judgment or condition.

Realization that the current education is based on inequality, competition and casino within the winner takes all meanwhile sucking out the life-opportunity from the others to grant illusionary power what all gives permission to by the hope of 'I can be winner also' what disregards most based on the interest of some.
To establish integrity with physical reality as breathing organism what is of Life essence and see it and experience it within my starting point in and as all equally without any interest but the only real interest of what is best for all.
Realizing that Education is the key for the ones who are busy birthing into the current system and how to practically manifest a system within the Life Education is GRANTED by simply the right of birth - by giving a Basic Income Grant in this current system wherein only those who have money can afford education and writing and practical skills to become effective and healthy and successful.
Realizing that we must stand together as group to agree on what is the most important as Life and grant access for Education for Life for all equally.
Realizing that one can not trust within any existing self-definition about self, others, the word, purpose or excuse we face - because it is programmed into the flesh without even realizing how it's been done and until we practically not understand it - we unable to re-align ourselves to what can be consistent, without energy simply naturally breathing All-life-based starting point therefore to walk through already manifested systematic manifestations of self: A dedication, a commitment and discipline must be expressed within the interest of oneself and all equally and it's practical way is Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness, Self-correction first within the conscious, subconscious, unconscious, quantum and physical mind to access Life what we really are.
Realization that the group of equals for All Life can only become and remain effective within the current system by being financialized otherwise nothing really moves therefore seeing practical ways to support Equal Life Foundation, Equal Life Party and Basic Income Grant to manifest an Equal Money System wherein each can have a dignified life having access to what requires to really living such as food, shelter, water, real education, health care.

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