So I've started to open up the paranoia point some posts before. I took a break because I was on a training what required full attention and brought things up and at my new place still there is no internet to expand on my other commitments.
I just slept near the biggest lake of Hungary called Balaton, in a sleeping bag on the beach, just like old times. Others are in the lake swimming around.
I write and see where it goes.
This summer I am taking to several kind of activities off town.
I am on holiday again, two weeks ago I was on an electronic dance festival, specialized to intense trance music with what with I had extensive 'experiences' and 'research' back then and I was literally experimented with my mind and body and substances and in that time that seemed to be one of the most practical ways to screw with my mind to able to stop it at least for some moments to see what is real but then I was dragged by the experience and as I was not aware of the methodology involved how it happened, I was not the directive principle so I was chained to circumstances, outer conditioning such as music, people, drugs, dancing.
Later on I am committed to write a book about my life back then - how I saw things, what I've realized and what I've experienced until found Desteni Universe wherein I was able to start to learn how to practically walk stopping the mind in real. But for now, I write this blog here.
The spiritual agenda what I was busy walking meanwhile had some glimpses of light about 'maybe that is the answer to not need drugs to stop and freeze my mind'-s time space of separation to get to direct experience. What I did not realize that the very starting point and methodology caused me always follow this carrot meanwhile everything is already - always here. However after all everyone had the shiny and lovey and enlighten and profound speeches as so called masters, gurus, lamas, rimpoches, priests, yogis etc but none I've found who lived these words as equal as one and being able to express it within life's all domain regardless, even within the 'matrix' as civilization, system, business, corporations, media, law, politics, money - that is also part of us - if we do not stop denying that these are directing our daily life - then we always remain powerless towards these.
All religious or spiritual, hinduist, buddhist, christian dudes - are occupied within the mind. How do I know? Because I can use common sense. Because they never engaged this world system - law, finance, politics - what is really the strongest part of us currently. We all can believe that saying OM in circle holding hands can save us all but meanwhile everything is being destroyed systematically by corporations and after the om-session we will be hungry and thirsty and in fear of not being able to feed our children and losing our land and forest and rivers and we all will dance as puppets by survival anyway as already doing so.
Back then I was this namaste-guy as well in India - everyone is god, I am god, so we are fucking gods and we respect each other but meanwhile we just really say that : I am screwed, you are screwed, I accept you as screwed, limited, dishonest, you accept me as screwed, diverting and escaping so let us bot respect that and give permission to and even be positive and happy about it meanwhile no power we have, even over for our OWN mind - or in fact we are owned by our mind, but hey, stay positive, as long as there is energy what with we can ride on the positive side - who cares what is going on, how million others are?
I had the program like this by the following: When I was not riding this positive attitude - I was experiencing negative stuff and I was seemed and judged by others as negative - and then my starting point was that I am how others define and see and react to me - so I wanted to seem positive - and then people reacted with positive!
When I was doing stuff what people did not like for instance clothing dirty and not working and blowing smoke - people were not that positive. Now I have job, bathroom and becoming more stable - people see me as positive again.
But then I was always fascinated by the negative as the EQAFE interviews explain it as well - one 'negative' one can ruin all the positive ones by the simple and only real and eternal principle existing in and as existence is Equality and Oneness.
So the infestation of ideas what by one is blocking to realize, to experience, to express and live this principle in all areas of existence is in fact a paranoia of: fearing from it, wanting more, wanting to control and who knows why.
Therefore the question mark is always a friend.
To question basically even as Leary described: Question authority - even the authority of your questioning mind because if there is a limit: it is always myself equal as one.
So at the dancing festival I've danced again - fascinating I've realized so much - how I was programmed to do certain patterns in order to accumulate energy and physical presence however it did not last - and I had my moments - perfect for apparently having the experience of being responsible meanwhile after all - not so - as the experience is gone of oneness and energy of be able to do anything - and when it's gone - I am occupied to wonder and prepare and re-gain it - it is not the solution - too much effort, too less gain.
And after all - especially when seeing these experiences within - it SEEMS to be divine however it is not really practical.
How many people can really practically be involved within law, business and political agenda to promote Basic Income Grant or Equal Rights and Money for all meanwhile high on acid and MDMA? It is maximum as rehabilitation but not even for remediation - as the solution is to understand the mind - not screw it- but know one thing - who is repeatedly taking even psychedelics for 'awakening' - it is obvious that not really grasping - therefore even the wisest speeches they can give but when it is about to bring about a change within the current system - there is excuse - the first is that it is alright, no problem, nothing to do - it is perfect - well, after visiting the poorest most abused countries in Asia - I could not accept that I am partying with shining light meanwhile people are starving - my ego is just too big to accept it - the only solution is to expand my ego so big that everyone can fit in - and to give as I would like to receive - it is simple yet powerful - however all excuses are exposed - taking the trip to enlightenment and once I reach it I will help for others - but until that I do not have to change, to question and stop my mind, my law of manifested beingness.
Because to be able to head on the world system requires CHANGE within and as SELF first - that is blocking our understanding, effectiveness, letting go of self-interest of addiction to self-defined positivism.
To meditate on peace and compassion meanwhile what is physically here is the fact of inequality and abuse more and more increasingly - brutal. And also who is high - can not do a thing what really matters for solution...
I've noticed it is quite an excuse - 'he/she is on a journey now - tripping, let her/him be' - but after all - if one is tripping from time to time for the same perceived as 'divine' experience - how comes that it dissolves for nothing if it is really divine. There are guys who use these things as party and fun and tribal experience without trying to be seen to be all knowing for those who just started this - that is better because after years doing so who is still busy to grasp the mystical experience and re-and relive it - is it really mystical if requires the same circumstances to reproduce over and over and over again?
Yeah, there is a reason for I do not really use spiritual terminology as it is deceptive by the fact that everyone has their own definitions towards positive and negative within their own self-interest but for the game of words in eastern teaching there is a force: they call it paramita - what brings you to the other side literally - meaning once you are through - you are done, you are enlighten, everything is shining, like Neo at the end of Matrix - and with acid - one's memory is quite liquified, not really solid, and this light experience is overwhelming, especially when one did not get used to it and then it is like that - and in some hours it is gone. And as one is got used to define self-life-reality - from that experience it is seamless to define from that experience - of course how defines is also of definition so the whole aspect of perceived self can be --- and must be fundamentally questioned because the human mind is not understood - science does not grasped it yet and psychology neither - many destonians walk now the path of psychology to re-align it with Life values and not mind-values, a psychology and science what is driven and pulled not by profit as now but the core of our understanding, the very manifestation of ourselves which is Self as Life as equal as all. If one does not understand how the mind takes on - one certainly becomes influenced, infested and controlled by themselves, inverted through, intensified by the very point of self-dishonesty which is the layers of the mind - thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, definitions... And the physical body here is used to contain and fuel this mind-self, even when one is taking the journey to the other side - regardless of the experience - after the energy is off - one is 'normal' again.
What remains is a memory and some experience and references and maybe some wise thoughts - however when one defines it - it is worsening - defining the undefined is like rape - does not fit well and never embracing, never ever satisfying - what remains is that the judgment of the circumstances of the experience - the acid, the party, the people, the music, the dance - so then one should repeat that to re-experience - maybe this time one can get trough for real. But it is not possible. It is so obscene nonsense I do not even try to explain that.
Not because it is not fascinating stuff, but because currently I am on a trip again and my electricity is limited.
What is obvious that one should realize the circles and loops within he/she is moving.
There are simple tools with what one can screw one's mind without any effort if common sense is available.
The destonian questions are really cool viruses for the minds infected and programmed by and as self-interest.
What is best for all? seems to be like a philosophical question like who we are or where are we came from or what is good or what is bad - but to be able to answer this - it is required to step beyond the already programmed mind.
Drugs can shake the foundation of the mind but know one thing: it ONLY effects the mind - and if one has the starting point of the mind as memory, definition, thought, feeling - one is based on that - and even physical facts are superimposed by the perception of those.
And the an other fact is that one is so used to be the mind - even after moments of high drug experience - when the energy is gone - one is not directing self out of the mind, disregarding the thoughts (I am speaking about and to the ones who already grasped the realization that thoughts are the prison, for ones who are still fascinated and mesmerized by their own inner god speaking to themselves: start writing all thoughts out and see the robot of fear and realize: none of any thoughts can be trusted as it is the wall from reality) - because once one is here again - for me it requires quite some years to be able to express this simple thing:
Why do I return to thoughts, even when realized the self-deception within them?
Because knowing is one thing, but to see to what extent we are ensured that thoughts are reflecting back our oblivion - until we have thoughts - we are not honest with ourselves because in the moment of participation within the thought - we are the thought, we are disregarding what is real here.
But to see, realize and understand how we programmed and why ourselves to limit our very beingness to thoughts - Self-honesty. To dare to see that I was deceiving myself therefore all others and having the Will to stop. Even if we lose everything what we have - it was never real anyways as based on thoughts - what are of fear...
What is the real red pill with what there is no turning back is the Solution AS Self-honesty.
Once one grasps what it means within practical application - there is not a single occupation within one can get the same experience of refugee within the mind - it is tainted with the possibility of becoming much more but requires effort as resistances are also self.
Manifested as the repeated patterns one has carved into and as the physical body what is the only real of ourselves. Earth. Dust. Water.
So to deny reality is paranoia. Paranoia of missing what is beyond here.
The hope that there is more than who and what we are here.
The game of casino of chance to get free: for free.
Because it is obvious that we are confined - into and as this existence and none can see beyond the veil of death - after the human flesh experience what is existing - because the body is a programmed organic mind system manifestation. It is like I am a little drone in the game of Starcraft and trying to reach what is beyond the game - to try to figure out what is directing me by the basic and only available commands of me: move, stop, harvest, build, fight - to realize what is beyond the mind - requires a new paradigm.
What is screwing the mind is the physical. So then fear is programmed, implanted, resonated - that this physical is not enough, it is dirty, it is inferior - and once one is being directed or impacted by and as physical - fear is coming by.
Fear from losing the superiority from the mind.
There are people who are using their body quite consciously. Sportsman, dancers, fighters - they are perfecting the human body but not as direct body - but as self-interest of mind - fear from losing it therefore caring about it seems to be quite good thing - but it is of paranoia as well.
Am I healthy? Am I nice?I am good? Or once the good-ness is obviously exposed, conflict arise within - judgment, definition, separation - the thinker me, the thought and the subject of it - where am I meanwhile as physical?
Much much to realize and learn - just start writing - with the best tools in the universe:
At this course, discuss it with people who understand how the mind functions really, not just lovey shiny good feeling positive vibration karma energy mind enlightenment stuff - but the real deal - how to decompose and change ourselves to explore what it means to transcend.
It is not for money - it is free and actually very simple - and then write and act and explore Self-honesty as Life.