Showing posts with label buddha. Show all posts
Showing posts with label buddha. Show all posts

Thursday, February 20, 2014

[JTL 149] Need for fight and win part 2 - fear of power

I continue with the fight and winning point which I started to open in the last post.

As I mentioned in an other previous post when I played MUD wherein I was hunting other players for become the best of bests and how I enjoyed being powerful, feared and envied only in the game.

Within reality I always despised such acts because I've defined it as weakness because real power should be sharing and caring and all fight and aggression is because of original fear - but at the same time I was convinced that everybody becomes powerful by these and I had this friction within me being hungry for power yet denying to use ways which is abusing others.

This I overreacted, in fact based on a fear of becoming evil and also defining everything what comes with power in this world as avoidable, such as wealth, influence, exposure, fame - in a way because I've defined myself as gullible, fallible, naive as well - so I avoided everything what would lead me to have even stability, power. I looked beyond these points, basically 'virtualization'.

Virtualizing experiences what only happen in my mind - within gaming, with sex films, daydreaming, fantasizing, reading - and later on when started to explore in reality, not realizing the same starting point being lost in spiritualism, psychedelic experiments, buddhism etc - and still disregarding physical here. This time I do not go into details with buddhism as those who define themselves can refer me back that they are living it in reality - that is their point to realize - for me it was mostly a mind-game, chasing butterflies in my imagination and I could start my process of self-realization when I was able to let go these completely. So back to fear and power.

A typical example of I had fear of learning martial arts because what if I lose my temper and kill people, so within that fear I did not learn such things and only realizing that when I actually learned martial arts I learned to control, direct, pacify, calm myself and eventually face and stop fear for instance from falling onto concrete or being hit I can embrace and avoid being harmed from.

So this was a glimpse of the past let me walk the practical self-realization further with Self-forgiveness as understanding the self-dishonesty in my past to prepare the self-correction in the present and commit myself for living in integrity with myself and all others in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to experience power, being feared and envied because of the starting point of fear, fear from not having power, envy others within power and wanting to equalize myself, neutralize myself as the mind with the energetic reaction within self-judgement in polarity in the belief that if I reach the equilibrium in my mind then I can live in peace and stopping the conflict within me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I defined myself and my stability, my state of beingness according to experiences of polarity judgement values of who I am and not realizing that these judgement-reaction-energy-experiences I gave my mind permission to come and go automatically according to external circumstances and within that giving my direction, power away and believing that power is when I can equalize, balance out the negative and positive within me and never considering the common sense of preventing the negative and the positive reactions to give permission my mind to accept and allow.

I forgive myself that I have never considered the real power I was looking for was always about and towards myself, being able to have power within me without being separated, without living between polarities, conflict, friction and live undefined, untamed, unlimited from within and trusting myself to live thoughtless, direct, physical expression breath by breath always within and as the location of my human physical body here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define power on/about people according to the judgements I had about what I lack therefore it must be that as power such as money, fame, influence, exposure which I could not have because of initial self-judgements of I lack these and also the abilities to get I never practically explored within the belief that these are 'negative' as using and abusing others within self-interest, which I judged in others, yet I wanted the same experience which I feared to get in physical reality so I experienced these within my mind wherein I seemed to not harm anyone with it and not realizing I was harming and suppressing myself and becoming delusional.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as selfish, dark, evil within and as me so deliberately avoiding and refusing anything in this world what would give me power, direction, stability, influence and wanting to find positive, experience light, wanting to be good and never realizing the mind-prison I've manifested myself to live within based on fear which I've not seen as having excuses and justifications of why I am better if I am powerless and inconsistent and defining who I am according to that as personality of Talamon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with the light, positive, good because of wanting to fight, battle, equalize, win, dominate the original self-definition, self-judgement, experience of energy within and as myself in and as my mind and body of negative, bad, darkness and never realizing that life here just is, no polarity, no definition, no limitation so unless I participate within any polarity - I am lost within consciousness systems.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the real power I was looking for is being here, being aware of myself, my reality as equal as one and remain undefined, yet expressing and trusting within myself as life, to be able to become consistent, responsible, stable and effective.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within fearing from myself and expressing myself I was suppressing myself and becoming addicted to energetic reactions within me which is not physically here, only for me, believing it has no consequence for others and never seeing/realizing/understanding that by being influenced, directed by delusions/fear I have manifested consequences anyway in reality which is being shared with others equally.

I forgive myself that I have not realized the direct solution here within common sense to investigate/explore/understand my self-definitions, slow down within and forgiving the self-accepted definitions to give myself a blank, empty moment within I can breath through the need for reaction, for automatic association and remain here undefined and trusting myself within learning to express and live myself with words what are the same written, said and lived equally.

I forgive myself that I have never considered that with becoming, being resourceful within this world I can be supportive for myself and others equally and it is not a law to become corrupted by fear or greed automatically so realizing that within the starting point of Life and Equality and Oneness within Self-honesty I can use the power, stability, wealth, influence, fame to support myself and others to live by the principle of "Give as you would like to receive" and "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself" and support practical solution to manifest living opportunities which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from having power because I've defined myself as very good for becoming smart, able to direct and win, rule, dominate and becoming obsessed with perfection therefore building up a personality which I never practically lived, only used to compare my real living with it and creating friction and coming up excuses and justifications of why I am in fact facing being powerless in real life and pushing myself to go more and more deep and layer into consciousness systems and energetic reactions while not seeing that I am lost within delusions of virtual battles in myself based on fear which is not real, unnecessary, ridiculously limiting and frustrating.

So today I also bring up a point of Self-support, I've just recently listened this interview, which is very supporting:

to be continued...

Friday, September 6, 2013

[JTL 105] Ranting on the word TRUST


Investigating the meaning and ranting about the memories about the word: Trust

I start with how I've defined trust: being able to rely on something or somebody and then it's there, more precisely: it's always here when I need, so something what I expect, I hope, I want.

Several times in my life I actually concluded to the point that I do not trust myself.

Those were moments when I realized I am utterly shattered as myself and literally became physical consequence, nothing more.

For sure I had apparently 'free' choices but within Self-investigation - I realize choice is never really a choice - especially when it is predictable. Or when just to prove not to be predictable to choose what is not predicted - is still of consequence, accumulation and influence.

It is always common sense what is the real deal: If choice exists, why do we not choose always what is best for all?
Is that worthy? For who and for what and actually why?
So if choice is deliberately to harm and abuse: how is that really free?

Who I am is of choice? So then what I am is of condition and then what is real of me?

Or is that a journey to find out what I am not, then who I really am then again: not of choice, but actual process of realization of who I am is not of choice: and then I am who I am, and if I could choose who I actually am, then what is what really choosing but already myself?

So this choice thing is really ridiculous, considering to be able to choose what is best for me, especially within the consideration of what is best for all. Because then choice is nothing but of consequence - again - and then what is best for all is always obvious, if we are able to consider the facts and take responsibility for who we are actually.

Actually to take responsibility for this big chunk of organic material which is typing currently is merely a choice - as you as well consider this as a possible point of self-reflection of how you ended up reading this right now in this very moment?

What points you walked through and directed yourself by and made being able to pinpoint the very decision what you, yourself made to read through this writing and who you really are within it?

I mean I am not fully aware of this either, but I see how I am acting based on the decision to write. Walking Desteni I Process Lite actually assists me within Self-realization. That is undeniable. Out of choice.

I am translating and within translation it is like I am really squeezing the writing through myself to be able to come out the best possible way to express it with the language I always used as my primarily, natural one - however as within writing I am actually and PHYSICALLY slowing down within and becoming the words I write - in this moment I type this - and this and then that: Hello there! Actually ~HERE~

I am these words within my mind and by that I am not in the super fast graph-thought-light-halo which is kind of untouchable and immaterial yet always surrounding and thought and reactions come one after another so fast I am barely aware of it - no.

Within writing I am slowing down to the physical - literally, like I must otherwise I can not type with full presence - otherwise I just think 100 things and write something about it:

Okay, I can try it: now I try to think and imagine stuff while try to type:
india ex trap realize awake

- you see - these are the keywords for the dream I had in the morning and I have tons of details about that dream, actually it was quite vivid, still - but within thinking through - I am so fast - and the reactions I had - I felt the energy arise in the body regarding to the memory and the lots of words, thoughts, pictures, feelings, the events, the story in that dream - and then I am here.

I know what I remember and what I understand about it - but to actually see - I write it down and by the words I see and I ground myself to the physical and I am stable.

And when reaction comes - I see it and I am still here - not like for one thought/picture - dozens pop up and for that dozens another dozen times dozens - that people trust - and then they feel, react and when it is good then they feel good, and when it is bad, they feel bad - and then they get used to it and that is sort of really fast and then in fact automatic - and then is that still of choice?

The actual associations coming up to specific words are still of and as choice, one by one? For instance the frequent words people use: What then pops up for these ones: Love, trust, fortune, value, taste, energy ?

See - my word of Trust has became automatic, so I acknowledge it: that it is not best for me and best for all either - and I do not say anymore I doubt myself - but I realized until I do not purify and re-define and specify the MEANING of the word TRUST - how can I trust anything?

So for me seems now as a pretty much foundation to investigate.

People do not like to investigate self, right, because that sounds like analytic, decomposing, like ruining the fun of flow, the moment, the feelings - as the religious, spiritual agendas also:

"Do not analyze too much, just ride the tide, blow the flow and feel the dragon of god or buddha or virgin mary jane or king of c(h)oke Ra.

Caution! Achtung, Warning, Attention: Self-automation ahead!

I mean if I really start using common sense on the religion material (any - even as: religion of Self) - I might start question too much and then I am unable to feel the deal, missing the point what is non taken but who am I to judge all mantras but even after all I tried and then I do not say it's bullshit but for me it's really bullshit: then some say I was not enough serious(or was too serious), I did not do enough, did not do it properly or still much to do for some several hundreds of thousand times before eating the fruit of the attainment of awareness.

Well, seeking for awareness, speaking for the devil: look at here: the physical is real. Touch yourself, the chair, the screen: it is fact. Fuck the space in the atoms, be gentle with denial or try with the brick wall, it stops you, test it: that real!

The most stable, reliable, consistent and assisting reality is this, the actual factual, mutual interconnectedness of everything revealing thing is what we have here and we can always reflect back, realize and directly become really aware of who we really are and where we are within our journey of existence: through and as this physical wherein we are all busy breathing all the time. This breath is physical, this is the Life in and as Substance what is here and we are separated from as ourselves through consciousness, energy.

Anything what is disregarding the priority of the physical is apparently self-made choice to go into the mood of flood of the consciousness of mind of energy, which is and always will be inferior and conditioned to the physical existence.

Energy is always of friction of this separation operation of consciousness from Substance.



So - - - - is it MY choice to see what I consist of and entail as the definitions, memories of the word TRUST?


How can I be anytime sure that it is myself who is driving the wheel of my eventuality and what precisely I can refer here as 'myself'?

The more I walk this Self-investigation - the thinner I see myself as 'me' and the bolder I see the Principle of Equality and Oneness as Life - and I am merely nothing but of consequence of energy of words - but as I stand - I find myself as an Individual expression equal to all - and that I walk, and share here.


This could be an introductory for the word: Trust, not much as decomposing but actually playing with the words - or the words play me?

Memories of trust:

I trusted 'my girl' with not cheating on me - and then she cheated me as I cheated her already but only in mind and I kicked her out of my bed, and then years later the same again she cheated me, but this time I already cheated her with my relationship with drugs, not with thoughts of girls: and kicked her out of my flat. Blame game trust of frust rat I was on the fly.

Sad, little heart has broken, well not really, but actually I learned not just give trust towards I hope will be worthy for - it's like the sell fish business: I put my money into something what then comes back more than I did put into(just as a child comes out from the hole I enjoy to stick into: apparently now here; well to make sure it is really good for the children to come, be the con-sider at I on insist and suggest to investigate Equal Money as viable Solution which is Best for All).

So then I trusted with guys who lived with me as we agreed on rent fee to share and they could not afford it and I always said fuck it, I am that good and they eventually bailed out themselves from that situation with their remorse and I was like, be friends, I do not care about some dozens of thousands, well - I will be more rich later on anyway!

And the askers came and I gave, shared, lent, gave away with sympathy and the trust thing was like alright, I trust my goodness here, I am such a great to lean on, come on everybody, free dope for anyone, we do not even lock the door, here is my cabinet, sure, bring your friends as well - oups where is that bass guitar what I've been given to and now it's gone and who is she anyway, looks familiar, alright, I am that good in those parties, it's always alright when the money comes that easier or even for free...

Trusting in the moment, the flow, the reality, the existence, the god, the energy, the drug, the siddhas, the lama, the guru, the acid, the crystal, the hat, the stem, the buddha, the friends, the artists, the girl, the experience, the pain: such a lame deal to figure out in the next moment what is so utterly bursting the bubble of immaculate perfection and the rock below the ocean is really scaring the shit out of me when I think of mother in the last moment and then I am still here and recon-sider my opposition on this word I sandcastled my thin, fragile nirvana to: Trust: I never trust you again!

Self-separation is of polarity of mind is of self-mutilation with each thought can be really personal and intimate but hey: no thing is new, all is the same repeating and accumulating since of the beginning of the sin of our fore- and fore- and fore-fathers and mothers and sisters and brothers we are all here equally in the same boat in all ways, any ways.

So that's about trust for today, I trust facts, physical, as self, so here+now returning back where I was, I just had to push this through and to say I enjoy writing like this, after all it is still a feeling what mostly I do not share because I see the shark teeth in it as biting my body with this energy and keeps me losing if I count on this kingship of consciousness, as an example of disregard practical common sense as fact as the physical.

So I will be continuing on Self-forgiveness on the word and memories about: TRUST and also continuing with the post: reacting to women, as I just started with make-up last time and what else I react to with energy what I do not require anymore but I am going to PREVENT. And I do not fear from it or defining it bad - I just let it out from my system and then I can directly experience it as physical, not as reaction in mind with energy packages separating myself from equality and oneness here.

Monday, August 12, 2013

[JTL 90] How Drugs Promote Paranoia part 5: Spiritual Paranoia part I.

Spiritual drug experience paranoia:

When seeking after something beyond this physical reality and defining that as more important, more real than the physical here.

When one is having hallucinations and defining those as spiritual, enlightening, blissful and relating the experience to actual spiritual/religious agendas such as Buddhism, Hinduism, Spiritualism believing that this is actually a solution for personal and universal betterment while in and as physical using systems what is being disregarded for many such as actual support by food, shelter, body care.

The perception is similar what can be found in scriptures, books referred as mystical experiences.

It is a paranoia within what one is lost within the experience, being paranoid from realizing what is here and who we are as humans is here and physical is what we are and seeing more than our self-flesh than it is and fearing from being that and wanting to be more, wanting to experience more, wanting to find other ways than physical equality. And this paranoia can be boosted with drugs, I’ve seen such things, I’ve experienced it myself and I’ve realized the Self-dishonesty within such perceptions, so I assist and support myself and others within sharing my experiences, realizations.

So spiritual enhancement with drugs(not all drug user has this mind-paranoia, but it is common).

The drug consumer experiences this oneness, white light, dissolve, an intensified energetic state, and a silence, what is kind of sexual and asexual at the same time with a deep feeling of satisfaction without the literal act of sex or arousal.

Perceiving experience of peace, connection with the world, fearless and desire-less, simply being in the now and seeing time and space in a different way with what one can observe personal life from a point of view from which the person is able to see through certain aspects of her/himself.

With the drug, especially with the ones used for ‘tripping’, the drug consumer is not really directing oneself - rather than it is a sense of 'feel and ride with the flow' however at points the experience, 'I' can be quite intense, especially with high dose of psychedelic drugs – one’s mind can totally feel like glowing and everything being liquid and natural, while in fact facing the physical limits literally: feeling like one’s brain is being electrocuted and boiling.

The effect - "trip" starts with intensifying pressure, uncomfortability and then it flips and one is losing past and future totally and losing the ability to define and grasp anything in the mind. Or it is a slow, smooth transition towards silent yet screaming intensification of all senses until all becoming one.

Everything seem as relative and multidimensional yet unrealistically changing, moving, even breathing meanwhile the body experience is different - all pain is gone(for me it was like this but others had intense pain) and nothing really seems to be sure in the space, for instance distance can be changing by how one is focusing to it and the colors seem more saturated and one can feel that energy is limitless

This experience does not seem wrong or bad – however if one defines it through memory, defines it in any way whatsoever and does not remain undefined – then there is a problem because any relationship in this existence in and as the mind is a trap: The Design of Equality and Oneness Field

    “I am only complete I am only whole and I am only fulfilled if I have a relationship with something or someone separated from me. Because have a look how has the mind consciousness system within and as human beings has been designed? Incomplete, unfulfilled, empty lonely, always missing something and now to fill that gap to fill that inherent nature experience of the mind consciousness system which human beings have believed and perceived themselves to be that by formed a relationship only!

    When they are in a relationship they are now in oneness and equality with themselves so that has been the mind fuck of this entire existence that you are only Oneness and Equality which means you are only One and Equal- with yourself Whole, Complete Full when you are in a relationship with something or someone separated from you.”

Meaning it is a partner, a religion, money, spiritual attainment, a drug, something what makes one feels whole – with the relationship formed in and as the MIND!

So within this ‘whole’ experience formed personally I've perceived that I could able to shovel away a mountain if I wanted to but did not seem relevant to physically work on things, rather than just moving towards the least resistance and observe, seamlessly flow, embrace, pacify. Even at times it was like a 'plant' experience for me, just simply being, accepting to stop being in conflict.

That is one aspect and this experience can be quite eye-opener in relation to how one is accepting to live ‘normal’ day to day living in terms of the feel of lack of harmony, connection and experience with one’s mind/one’s environment and start questioning self’s relationship towards reality and oneself directly. However without proper assistance, education on how the mind works, without one is knowing oneself the experiences will be simply unconscious/subconscious/conscious mind manifestations intensified to extreme polarities what might seem very overwhelming and within the experience one might lose the touch with reality.

Many experience quite much of fear and resistances, difficulty and uncomfortable reactions while on effect and it depends on the personality how is dealing with these self-induced magnified mind-experiences and mostly people do not desire to go further within exploring their limits and mostly it is because they do enjoy the comfortable, deep trance within people tend to hallucinate in a way what then can please themselves. However many use it as tripping to feel other dimensions what they state it is beneficial and educational for them and yet there are some who simply say these are just merely mind-poisoning hallucinations what do not have real meaning or gain, only cool entertainment or random blowing off.

Another aspect I bring in is the hallucinations, the visual, audial experiences what one can have with these stimulations can be quite astonishing and really complex in terms of geometrical patterns, apparently naturally artistic and mesmerizing intensity with apparently endless deepness which is pulling one’s attention more and more.
Photos taken from movie Blueberry

Within these experiences everything is clear, pure, shining and perfect so to speak. There is not much related to physical reality in details as there is no dirt, no flaw, just like as new, perfect geometrical patterns.

Of course this depends on the person’s mind that is experiencing it; my personal experiences were like similar to these images;

But much-much more intense, detailed, having more dimensions so to speak and always giving the impression of infinity.

I bring in a specific EQAFE interview: The Buddha Experience:


“I'm here through the Portal to share my life review in my journey with discovering consciousness and the process that I had walked in my life in traveling through the soul of mind into the heart of mind as consciousness and how the attainment of that one point introduced me to an existence of mind so tempting, so mesmerizing, so extraordinary, so beautiful that one could within that's equality with consciousness see and perceive an entire existence that was here beyond what one see with your human physical eyes and I could endlessly sit and stare but at the same time see and observe consciousness dancing with it's light and energy and sound as though it was a force, a power a presence in itself that would entertain me within myself, within my very eyes as I would simply be with consciousness as me within myself could really be like sitting and I would practice with my eyes opened and my eyes closed just being here, a silence so encompassing that every moment you are in this silence so overwhelming that tears flow with such ease and a naturalness of expression through the physical body as you merge with that absolute silence. It's a silence that's a silence, a peace, that each one of us so yearn for within ourselves. It's just quiet. ”
Just go give some examples how intense and mesmerizing these psychedelic drug experiences can be I describe some of what I had back there in my so called ‘dark ages’(regardless of internal experiences what were more referred as ‘light’, in reality as the physical I was really lost in terms of standing on the ground with my feet):
Photo taken from Tool: Parabola
  • In a tent listening music closed my eyes with earphones I was experiencing like melting up and becoming a liquid entity and swimming in a field what consists of eyes, like everything is a light-eye, and I am also one of those and feels like we are molecules in an ocean and we are looking each other constantly with no blink and seeing each other constantly, profoundly and continuously flowing, meaning seeing different yet the same eyes all the time which are the same as me yet glowing, waving, throbbing while energy, information and light is what we share, connect with and as and nothing else is but this kind of fractal-like eye-field all around in and as everything.
  • After having serious overdose with psychedelics, after seeing each other having direct light columns from the sky walking into this living mandala-field, within which nothing of reality I’ve seen and I was holding my ex-s hands and talked bullshit to her with tearful eyes and I’ve seen marvelous, astonishing, infinite mandala-fields, within which I was walking, like some sort of heaven made for geometry. Each step I took in physical, these mandala-systems were moving accordingly, into every direction there was unthinkable complexity within movement, detail and perfection, beauty: it was some sort of heavenly experience within which I was experiencing myself constantly, however I was holding my ex’s hands because I was in reality blind, nothing I’ve seen and it was at a dark trance party in the nature and in the darkness this light came, and it started like this future-laser light-beam was shooting tremendous information into my eyes, directly to my seeing nerves, directly onto my brain, my perceived soul, my beingness and I was completely occupied with it and then it was irrelevant that I opened or closed my eyes, it was the same, this perfect, blissful, heavenly beautiful mandala-field what I’ve experienced myself within. That was quite short compared with the usual ‘trip’ it used to last, it felt like 8 hours intensity was compressed into a half an hour but that I’ve perceived like really pushed me over the edge for a while. In that time I just started to be obsessed with Tibetan Buddhism, and it completely got me, as those mandalas and visuals are in these typical paintings, sewings, stories, it was it just being alive, like wearing a VR helmet with buddha pure land program – for an ordinary human who has no common sense and strive for cross-referencing everything what he/she experiences and taking granted only things what can be reproduced with mathematical perfection: this was it, it blew away all my doubts and I’ve felt like my mind is so inferior compared to these experiences that it is not possible that I come up with these, that I am hallucinating these, these seemed much more than I could make myself believe as self-delusion, so I really taken granted this experience as some sort of possible way what Buddhists described to see reality through the state of mind how in scriptures buddhas described to see reality as pure heavens. So that made me wonder, of course, regardless of the fact that it was a drug experience what lasted for about a half an hour.
    From movie Blueberry
  • Another experience what was also way too much intense for an ordinary human not to conspire things when I was combining very potent psychedelic drugs with what I’ve experienced the walls of the room becoming transparent and literally seeing it flying in a star field while we as humans playing our little games meanwhile the universe’s plan is huge within what we are little programs operating as our personalities and it was fascinating to notice how our behavior and movements are related to every detail of our surroundings as one dynamic system such as for music, each other and our internal vector from which we are passing through time and space without being aware of ourselves.
  • For another experience I refer to a some sort of body-switch I’ve experienced with a guy who with I was tripping and I’ve seen my own eyes for a while and it was strange to acknowledge and meanwhile at the trance party I’ve seen a huge enormous spiral going around the party and the musicians were mixing this wave within what the people were flying towards this apparently infinite consciousness system and I am there with my mate and we are standing within it’s all and I am interested in it’s end as where it goes and as it is infinite, I directly go to the spiral’s center and what I see as infinite: I notice it’s end, wherein from everything is dark and unknown but until that we are riding as all beings in this system what is taking us to the literal infinity and I see myself as little energetic knot moving an changing meanwhile moving through this consciousness field.
  • Smoking from the glass pipe the invisible fog makes my last thought of 'does not effect' washed away and feeling like a torpedo going down in an ocean deeper and deeper, faster and faster like a future rocket and losing all what I feel myself to be and then standing on the bottom of the consciousness ocean where seeing gnomes singing complex, yet simplified symbols what becomes reality and seeing the people in my room around me as individual, clear symbols as well and the gnomes say to me sing reality as well and seeing my palm as symbol as well and feeling very calm
  • Another experience when I was experiencing this pure white light what within everything is liquid and there are certain walls which through I cannot enter until I am not fully liquefied and melted up which through in fact I am seeing myself who I am totally disappear and this enormous amount of information is flowing through and as me and it is changing me meanwhile I am seeing everything as systems and of consciousness as energy.
  • Another experience when I am seeing everything around in nature as digitized forms such as in the movie matrix but really seeing equations, anything I look to I see codes and energies moving around, what I do not understand yet I am comfortable to embrace and allow me to react to automatically and these symbols are all around me and even around people I see energies what are in fact compressed symbols for what they automatically react to.
  • Another experience when wherever I look, I see sitting buddhas in energy fields, totally, perfectly aligned with geometrical lines and patterns and they are on carpets, on the curtain, in the waves of water and at the ripple of the smoke, the glimpses and bokeh of the light sources and these are sitting and being present and there is no judgment but an unified endless numbered presence of consciousness as parts of me in and as this existence.
  • Seeing all plants as fractals, like breathing, constantly moving, and interacting between the leaflets, the branches, the patterns and the movements are constantly twirling, rippling, yet remaining the same with the impression of a some sort of Perpetua mobile, what is way far from not being aware but constantly be present and alive meanwhile never stopping reacting to its surroundings and even reacting to my observation and changing how I react to it and immediately shifting patterns, colors and whatever I look to, I find the same patterns, I experience the similarities and the impact of my attitude being reflected back how they seem interacting with me.
  • Another when feeling different kind of fumes seeing very brutally popping up energy codes and symbols within what I am feeling overloaded with their robust, raw energy waves within what I feel physically bruised, my presence and mind being felt teared, like seeing behind the curtain wherein I do not have protection from my very physical being programmed to keep together in an insanely complicated yet perfectly matching order what my consciousness does not understand, comprehend as they are too fast, too much, too intense.

I do not yet have the words to explain as I’ve lost my presence so many times within these intensified sensory overloads, there were hundreds like these for sure, however what I do remember I realized: it was experience, I do not trust here today, I cannot trust, and that was not an immediate, obvious decision to make and live by but throughout the years I’ve learned the slow and hard way that what is relevant is what is really real, which is the Physical.

So I’ve had experiences like these much-much more than I do even remember to and these intensified perceptions has carved quite a threshold into my sensational definitions within what I’ve completely re-defined what is real from the very starting point of the self-definition of intensity.

These kind of references to the drug experience can be found in art, media, movies but these are merely symbols to the actual experience when one is within it, as many times the ability to define is lost, suppressed, therefore any memory, visual remembrance is merely a fractional attempt to reconstruction of something what one does not really comprehend, fully understand.

Many of my experiences I’ve seen within classical and contemporary art, rarely within video clips, movies, however most of those I’ve never ever seen, even referenced in anyway whatsoever in this physical existence, however what I had to understand that all of these experiences are completely unrelated and in fact irrelevant to my personal life, the involvement of my personal choices, decisions, overcomes, realizations and transcendence.

My issues were much-much earthier, dirty so to speak such as relationship conflicts, financial troubles, addictions and paranoia, self-doubt, fear from responsibility and always indirectly: fear of loss, fear of change.

Being ‘able’ to experience these kind of for others existing as invisible dimensions: I had no advantage, no extra information, ability to use it for nor personal or universal gain. I've only felt myself loner and different and split and misfit than others who did not have these experiences, realizing that millions of buddhists thrive for these 'signs' and 'gifts' and 'attainments' and I had to realize it is nothing, it is not real, it is not me. All I was able to is being good within make myself believe and being advanced within imagination and hoping so much to be more than who I am here than started to see what I wanted to see and occupied and mesmerized myself within consciousness for years.
The whole agenda of selflessness is completely misunderstood and based on a paranoia of judging and separating self from flesh as consciousness meanwhile the source is always the physical.
That the self of consciousness of mind is in fact illusion however the choices we make, the physical participation and the actual consequence we cause: it is real what can not be undone simply within a perceptional shift or an energetic mind state change by thoughts, feelings, emotions; it must be changed in all it's existing relationships within and as the physical and stand the test of time as self as flesh, that is real, that is change.

Also I must admit that I often experienced drawbacks and pull downs after these experiences, especially when realizing that I am ‘returning’ to my normal, mundane life experience wherein many times I was really hopeful and enthusiastic about the things I’ve just experienced however my real life has not changed expect I’ve made or I’ve reacted to it based on the judgments I had regarding to reactions to these experiences. I’ve became addicted to try to re-define, interpret and reproduce these out of mind experiences however what I did not consider that by thoughts I always ended up rehearsing the previously defined experiences based on already defined experiences in fact based on my initial judgments what I ‘brought’ from my childhood, education, impressions through my life.

Within exploring multi-dozen of scriptures and references from quite some of teachings I’ve noticed the similarity of my experiences, perceptions and altered states of mind, what I understand could be referred as different kind of psychological issues within the currently established mainstream procedures, however I was very confident that I am far from being sick or insane as I was always sure that the beingness of currently existing ‘normal’ person is in fact the absolute limitation, slavery and insanity, so by seeing people living their ‘ordinary’ life and having their apparently ‘little’ problems I was megalomaniacal on defining myself as anomaly, exception, other, outsider and nothing but ordinary and by constantly having these experiences feeling like I should listen and trust in nobody when saying to me what is reality. Later on that has assisted me to even being able to disregard all these consciousness experiences and start applying Common sense when hearing the Desteni Message for the first time and establishing Self-honesty for real.

When started to participate seriously within spiritual practice of zen meditation, Tibetan Buddhism and mantras, my mother said to me that 'you are just sitting and waiting the fried pigeon to fly into your mouth what will never happen' and after some years I was able to understand that whatever I want and whoever I am, that I must do by and as myself directly in and as the physical, so if I want to change, I should not say mantra of foreign eastern duck-sounding languages, but actually see my relationship with the actual words I react to and define myself to be and in relation to that I realize who I accept myself to be and I change that within and as myself and that I ACT, undefined, no thoughts, no feeling, no emotion, no energy, but directly myself here.

So eventually that realization and facing some near-death, physical experiences gave me the edge to fundamentally question my perceived reality and consider my experiences and self-built up knowledge(read a LOT, not just eastern stuff, western also, hundreds of books) what seemed to be burden in the moment and to be able to disregard all who I’ve defined myself to be and constantly strive for more and more new paradigms to compare to my existent world-views and within trying to apply them realizing that I am more and more confused than confident and it intensified until I’ve found Desteni, within what I was able to understand how creation and things really work and start to undo what I’ve made myself to be through debugging and backtracking and writing out all of these experiences and start facing my relevant issues what I’ve already mentioned such as relationship, sexuality, addiction, fear, trust issues to really understand who I am and what I am accepting and allowing as not who I really am as Life and I’ve started Desteni Process of Self-honesty and Self-forgiveness to decompose, let go, delete from my beingness everything what is not really me as the Breath of Life as who we are all equal as one.

I’ve made a bit more detailed within some certain experiences but I wanted to shine up some of the spiritual drug users mind from which they are defining themselves to be to realize the extent of nonsense they FEEL when one is approaching them with the common sense that ‘this is just an experience’ wherein they are really full of references of EXTREMELY intense memories what their mind has been defined as more real through the polarity dimension of intensity what is based on the energetic mind humans addicted to.

And the extent of these experiences are related to the person’s character who he/she is defined her/himself to be within what they are ensuring the righteousness for who they define and experiencing themselves to be.

Also looking back today I cannot miss to notice how my experiences were related to my readings, influenced by media as movies I’ve watched, just giving one example as The Matrix movie and within obsession it is typical that one everywhere starts to see what wants to see, just same when one is always seeing specific numbers: one is programmed to find these signs which through can interpret what wants to see, wants to conclude – and with the drugs these are intensified without one is realizing it based on the seriousness and development of obsession.

My obsession was to find a state of mind and an immediate knowledge and ability to penetrate anything in reality to experience deeper perception, understanding and interpretation because who I experienced myself to be was so limited, confined, detained and suppressed that I strived for any experience of difference. Later on that also I've found being represented within and as the Desteni Portal which is directly accessing everything in and as existence simply being HERE. I've visited, I've watched, I've communicated with the portal extensively so I am standing as living testimony and witness that it is real and more profound than anything I've ever experienced.

What I was after is Freedom, knowledge and eccentricism to not needing to identify myself with the normal, mundane human experience what apparently everyone around me accepted themselves to be and I utterly rejected in the act of quest I (was) on what is reality and who I am.

Therefore for some person it is enough one-two experiences to question physical reality, some person requires more, and there are the stubborn ones like I was who want frequent experiences to remind them that consciousness experience is superior within directly proportional to the frequency of their delusion of such disregard the only and one reality: The Physical.

And that’s why psychedelic drugs are the food of gods, the believers who put themselves beyond others based on their experience, their consciousness, their egos are perceiving these in a way poisons to the body as the substance of fifth element, the philosophical stone of the alchemists.

Meanwhile what fact is disregarded that millions are compromised on the physical level to even experience their life existence as worthy within tremendous suffering and abuse through the norms of the human system within what the individuals are sleepwalking to the fact that participating within the monetary, economic, political system each are equally responsible for the current manifestation of earth.

Therefore any experience what is not related to direct, mathematically measurable progress toward facing the systems manifested on earth which through humans life as collective is being influenced, directed, programmed towards stopping accepting and allowing abuse against life, children in the form of rape, starvation, war, genocide and environmental disasters: is in fact irrelevant and the very opposite of any realization, transcendence and  empowerment but merely an self-provoked experience-based justification for prioritizing self-interest beyond all others which is in fact the opposite of goodness.

Continuing with quoting from The Buddha Experience:

 “Experience can come in any magnificent, beautiful apparent ways. Isn't that lovely? Seeing galaxy, an universe, dancing stars and lights beyond this physical what one see with human physical eyes how one seeing that in any way contribute to a practical, physical solution to humanity as a whole.

But you spiritualists are all mesmerized with the apparent beautiful symbols, and codes and encodings and seeing apparently this great colorful and geillic things, how is that throughout time will be contributed to the physical action of making a difference to humanity as a whole? None whatsoever. Possessed with experience instead of realizing to change this earth we have to practically, physically move and do it together for ourselves and for all. I would suggest not making the same mistake I did in believing in consciousness is in anyway valid within this physical existence.”

It may sound harsh but to LIVE means to learn existence and keep which is good for all, and staring countless hours of geometrical patterns and symbols waving around will not assist and help for all the children to come equally into this capitalistic system what we are seeing more and more growing into a corporate totalitarianism what does not care about the individual, real love or compassion, only about monetary accumulation, greed, profit and the surviving of the system, which is driven by consciousness itself being superior than human individuals but existing within and as each human being as Mind Consciousness System, superimposing reality, the physical, wherein Life is merely a suppressed Essence within each equally.

And some may misinterpret the fact that mostly drugs and especially hallucinogenic drugs are illegal within the establishment systems, not because one can experience real reality, but because ones will start screwing up their programmed mind and stop being a good slave for which it might seem beneficial but each substance as has advantage, has disadvantage as well and the starting point is always because directly humans define themselves to not be able to be self-honest, able to change but only with a relationship formed with something outside and separate from self within consciousness.
Meanwhile not realizing that the starting point is always has it's consequence here specifically the already existing relationship within and as self as being unable to be whole without an effect of a substance therefore self-limitation is guaranteed without the effect unless one does not understand, forgive and transcend this initial, existing relationship with and as self: this will remain, one will remain as slave to the mind, always using it to experience this wholeness.

Therefore these drugs are not BAD, however to define the experience, to put these experiences more than just being glimpses of how CONSCIOUSNESS SYSTEMS are operating is really not practical within transcending the mind at all and reach the freedom what one is striving for reaching, attaining with these substances.

Also what I had to acknowledge and fully understand that any ‘ancient’ and ‘profound’ and ‘spiritual’ and ‘religious’ knowledge is also of and as consciousness, CAN NOT BE TRUSTED!

As having these things as starting point – common sense is disregarded, physical is disregarded, practical understanding is disregarded by praising experiences and apparent ‘divinity’ is superimposed in relation to the simple fact that each one of us requires food, shelter, real education, physical care to explore a healthy living what we all want for ourselves and for our ‘beloved ones’ – so why accepting a starting point, a system what is disregarding ANYONE? That is already a result of insanity and fear of loss paranoia accumulated into a system driven by consciousness referred as ‘civilization’. Is this really civilized?

Just see some of the most powerful, effective establishments such as countries, religions, do they really able to stand as Life as values of Real, unconditional compassion and love?

Just to notice that most of the leading countries have been raged war and enslavement, colonization and exploitation of other countries just because they can, even within this very century, within this very year! Is this right, is this development, is this evolution? That is reality, that is really the divine, profound truth, our nature what we are manifesting in and as the physical, that is accumulating, that is here as ourselves.

This is common sense and unless any drug experience is not for practical solution for this to face, understand, decompose, embrace, stand equal with and as to change for what is best for all – I say fuck all mystical experiences, and these are distraction from what is really real and important.

Now, I will finish this article today with repeating that with tremendous amount of so called mystical experiences I’ve gained nor experienced any practical ability to even comprehend what is reality and how things and creation really works except the fact that we are completely screwed within our mind in each moment of a thought, feeling, emotion of disregarding the physical.

Anyone who is not able to acknowledge this message can contact me and explain their practical solution within mystical experiences on how those will manifest a solution what is best for all within the monetary, economic, political, environmental and educational crisis we are currently facing.

I also understand, personal smoothness, change, openness towards arts, stopping several addictions and respecting ‘life’ people also ‘experience’ after psychedelic experiences but I must say that this is just the very beginning of any measurable step within Self-realization as first personal, then interpersonal and then the universal process what we must head onto as ourselves as equally responsible and take direction within principle what is best for all by the simple act of ‘give as you would like to receive’ what should not and can not exclude anyone on this earth.

Therefore any sitting back and feeling accomplished, swollen into decadence, hedonism, entertainment, party life while the tremendous abuse is taken place day by day and children are coming to earth not supported, facing abuse and war and poverty and greed is dominating: then a Self-honest man does not do such thing and it is obvious: cannot stop acting within measurable ACTION towards manifesting All Life existing within Practical Equality.
Therefore within Self-honesty one must consider after a point what psychedelics really give and for myself personally from a moment(since about 6 years) I am absolutely clear that I do not need these and in fact not really supporting me for what I am responsible for as all Life.

Anyone who claims these as ultimate tool for human betterment are in fact paranoid as already having a self-defined relationship as self-acceptance as limitation within and as self as mind and therefore should start investigating personal life and study how the mind and creation works and realize that within this era drugs are incapable of for a global solution for all therefore to push it’s agenda might be only a personal interest.

I am aware of that PTSD and veterans are handled with these effectively to let go the extreme shock and abuse what they are experiencing and that is alright, I agree, I stand with common sense and cross-referencing methods to find practical solutions but what I see at electronic parties, among hipsters, spirituals is merely hanky-panky recreational self-indulgence without actually facing and being able to stand up to directly the issues, problems, reality what are currently directing humanity’s destiny towards an inevitable doom.

I am quite aware as well of that most of the art, music, films what we see currently has been influenced by this spiritual drug perspective and it can be great within showing alternate points of view however considering these as practical solutions for all cannot be taken seriously.

I’ve walked quite some journey within the realization and acknowledging that I will not be able to really assist and support a global solution with any of my art, music, painting or video clip as these are for FEELINGS and I can make certain people feel in a certain way but that’s all.

The same as any spiritual practice within their closed groups, methods, symbolisms, rituals and feelings: not supporting physical change within absolute understanding and standing up to creation as equals. If one thinks differently, show me a Living Buddha, a Living Krishna, a Living God who deals with all systems on earth equally!

Anyone claims  any real power who cannot directly stand up within understanding and practical approach for solution to economic, political, psychological and cultural solutions should not be taken seriously at all as these are what directing humanity, not the compassion, love, light and until one does not acknowledge that: remains powerless and lost within the process of trying to locate themselves within consciousness experience and missing direct responsibility within the actual physical reality where everything can be seen, obviously, simply: here where we live our life.

  • Education is required within one can self-empower to be able to see what must be changed in and as self to be able to grow up to practical solutions, such I’ve found as Desteni I Process within what one is being walked through the process of Self-empowerment of Self-honesty and Self-forgiveness to change ourselves from what is already created and being in automatic motion based on self-interest and to visibly, publicly re-align to what is really, mathematically provably can be measured as best for all.

  • Living Income Guaranteed is required within what each human is respected as Life within the current monetary system to have the ability to stop survive and start living.

And why I was not able to directly see what I see today as relevant and in fact practical to understand how the current human system is manifesting disregard for all life equally? That should all start to see and explore within Self-intimacy to be able to correct Self.

My initial judgments towards politics, law, business and economy were that within these areas I’ve accepted myself as there is no chance that through that I could realize what is really going on as I’ve accepted my financial, economic, political inferiority through self-judgments such as:

  1. I am poor, and universe must have ways to skip the money point to gain power as the rich ones will die equally as the poor so there must be a way out from this without money
  2. Financial abundance should not be related to real self-abundance
  3. Within law and politics it is obvious(based on media, local politics, movies, books) that who are in this area of power are greedy and selfish, materialists so that way I do not want to go, I do not want to participate, I need just real direct power
  4. Economic is something what is based on selling, business, sales, negotiation, contracts, profit, greed what I am not interested in
So by these very four judgments I’ve rejected any investigation within the related aspects of human establishment’s and focused onto experiences as I’ve noticed how much I’ve reacted to experiences, how I’ve perceived myself to be as changed by intensified perceptional changes, feelings, reactions, so I’ve focused onto these meanwhile my physical life was not really working as
  • my relationship has fallen apart
  • I was not able to sustain consistent job and provide myself with financial stability
  • I was addicted to sex, certain drugs to overcome the energetic intensity addiction to overcome experiences of fear of loss, fear of change
Meanwhile the spiritual activities I’ve been involved within combined with the spiritual drug paranoia occupation has not really pointed out the core of my problems, only generalized, abstract and semi-wise statements I was able to apply as energetic bandage, adhesive plaster towards my reactions to the fact that I was dysfunctional as socially, as financially as personally.

So facing that also pushed me over and over and over again trough the edge to try to intensify experiences to push myself more and more over the perceived barricade and wall standing between me and real power and profound knowledge about reality meanwhile not realizing that the self-defined barricade was in fact myself only and until starting to apply Desteni principles I was lost and I was looking after solution and myself everywhere else but where I am always: here.

Everything is here, this is who we really are, what is here, in and as this physical reality, so in search of anything sacred, mystical, religious experience of what is real we just have to stop participate within any self-definition and embrace what is here as physical as who we really are within Oneness and Equality.

So that’s all about drugs and spiritual paranoia today, what I was able to see through and let go completely.

Now, summarizing all in within practical approach:

Problem

When seeking and prioritizing after something beyond this physical reality, especially consciousness and energetic light experiences and defining that as more important, more real than the physical here.

Disregarding real, personal, interpersonal, universal self-responsibility, issues, problems and wanting to shortcut, jump to solution without practical understanding.

To Disregarding responsibility within man-made systematic manifestations as mind consciousness systems and economic, political, educational, crisis accumulated by individual acceptance and allowance.

Giving into the hope that the feelings I feel within towards spiritual techniques would lead me to real solutions not only for me but all others meanwhile to see the physical actions I take it is common sense that I am lost in experiences.

Solution

Realizing the priorities within life that each human requires food, shelter, physical care equally and to disregard that from anybody based on justification is of consciousness systems what we defined ourselves to be and act through and as its design which is definitely not who we are as life.

Realizing that consciousness is a mesmerizing, energetically addictive symbiotic system within us manifested as programmed personality in and as our mind and human physical body.

Realizing that consciousness has been deliberately designed with the perception of infinity, perfection and light in order to catch and pull in our attention from what is the starting point, the real: physical.

Realizing that with drugs consciousness experiences and perceptions are intensified while to occupation to continue to do so is justified with the hope that it leads to any solution meanwhile it is just a sophisticated form of distraction from what is important here in and as the physical, which is the source.

Realizing that any attempt for making the physical as inferior to consciousness we are directly responsible for superimpose and justify some having good and profound experiences meanwhile in the big picture nothing changing and the most of the beings are being abused and recycled just as energy source, in the economic system as simple profit-able two feet walking purses who can be brainwashed to buy things what they do not even need.

Reward

To focus what is here, to focus what is our reality, to focus what is our direct responsibility and practically work on that once we realize the delusion and Self-dishonesty within consciousness experiences and start the process of ‘coming down’ from the tree of self-definition where we hang ourselves to each day with the same patterns over and over and over again until we do not understand each steps why we make, correct each one to come back to physical Earth and stand on the ground with two feet within stability to face and deal with already manifested systems we are in fact equally responsible for.

To be aware of the traps of consciousness experiences and entertainment and hope that taking refugee within these will not assist us to a solution which is in fact best for all therefore PREVENT to be occupied, to STOP ourselves when seeing the pattern to unfold within ourselves and eventually realize
  • the necessity for a Process of Self-forgiveness to change ourselves in the flesh and to investigate all things and keep which is good in fact for all is here.


  • To be able to assist and support others within their self-made up spiritual delusion and stop the pretend of all-knowing love obsession and when someone is lost within feelings and experiences then stand up and express ourselves within the starting point of our realization and living example of stopping Self-dishonesty of drug-induced spiritual-energetic-addiction paranoia and start solving real issues within human society by confronting deceit, lie, greet, self-interest and give a living example of a dignified, principled, life day by day within integrity and respect for All Life Equally.

Self-forgiveness, Self-correction and Self-commitment will follow.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

[JTL 62] Offtown rant on the mind

2013.06.18, Tuesday

So I've started to open up the paranoia point some posts before. I took a break because I was on a training what required full attention and brought things up and at my new place still there is no internet to expand on my other commitments.
I just slept near the biggest lake of Hungary called Balaton, in a sleeping bag on the beach, just like old times. Others are in the lake swimming around.

I write and see where it goes.

This summer I am taking to several kind of activities off town.
I am on holiday again, two weeks ago I was on an electronic dance festival, specialized to intense trance music with what with I had extensive 'experiences' and 'research' back then and I was literally experimented with my mind and body and substances and in that time that seemed to be one of the most practical ways to screw with my mind to able to stop it at least for some moments to see what is real but then I was dragged by the experience and as I was not aware of the methodology involved how it happened, I was not the directive principle so I was chained to circumstances, outer conditioning such as music, people, drugs, dancing.
Later on I am committed to write a book about my life back then - how I saw things, what I've realized and what I've experienced until found Desteni Universe wherein I was able to start to learn how to practically walk stopping the mind in real. But for now, I write this blog here.

The spiritual agenda what I was busy walking meanwhile had some glimpses of light about 'maybe that is the answer to not need drugs to stop and freeze my mind'-s time space of separation to get to direct experience. What I did not realize that the very starting point and methodology caused me always follow this carrot meanwhile everything is already - always here. However after all everyone had the shiny and lovey and enlighten and profound speeches as so called masters, gurus, lamas, rimpoches, priests, yogis etc but none I've found who lived these words as equal as one and being able to express it within life's all domain regardless, even within the 'matrix' as civilization, system, business, corporations, media, law, politics, money - that is also part of us - if we do not stop denying that these are directing our daily life - then we always remain powerless towards these.

All religious or spiritual, hinduist, buddhist, christian dudes - are occupied within the mind. How do I know? Because I can use common sense. Because they never engaged this world system - law, finance, politics - what is really the strongest part of us currently. We all can believe that saying OM in circle holding hands can save us all but meanwhile everything is being destroyed systematically by corporations and after the om-session we will be hungry and thirsty and in fear of not being able to feed our children and losing our land and forest and rivers and we all will dance as puppets by survival anyway as already doing so.

Back then I was this namaste-guy as well in India - everyone is god, I am god, so we are fucking gods and we respect each other but meanwhile we just really say that : I am screwed, you are screwed, I accept you as screwed, limited, dishonest,  you accept me as screwed, diverting and escaping so let us bot respect that and give permission to and even be positive and happy about it meanwhile no power we have, even over for our OWN mind - or in fact we are owned by  our mind, but hey, stay positive, as long as there is energy what with we can ride on the positive side - who cares what is going on, how million others are?
I had the program like this by the following: When I was not riding this positive attitude - I was experiencing negative stuff and I was seemed and judged by others as negative - and then my starting point was that I am how others define and see and react to me - so I wanted to seem positive - and then people reacted with positive!
When I was doing stuff what people did not like for instance clothing dirty and not working and blowing smoke - people were not that positive. Now I have job, bathroom and becoming more stable - people see me as positive again.
But then I was always fascinated by the negative as the EQAFE interviews explain it as well - one 'negative' one can ruin all the positive ones by the simple and only real and eternal principle existing in and as existence is Equality and Oneness.
So the infestation of ideas what by one is blocking to realize, to experience, to express and live this principle in all areas of existence is in fact a paranoia of: fearing from it, wanting more, wanting to control and who knows why.
Therefore the question mark is always a friend.
To question basically even as Leary described: Question authority - even the authority of your questioning mind because if there is a limit: it is always myself equal as one.

So at the dancing festival I've danced again - fascinating I've realized so much - how I was programmed to do certain patterns in order to accumulate energy and physical presence however it did not last - and I had my moments - perfect for apparently having the experience of being responsible meanwhile after all - not so - as the experience is gone of oneness and energy of be able to do anything - and when it's gone - I am occupied to wonder and prepare and re-gain it - it is not the solution - too much effort, too less gain.
And after all - especially when seeing these experiences within - it SEEMS to be divine however it is not really practical.
How many people can really practically be involved within law, business and political agenda to promote Basic Income Grant or Equal Rights and Money for all meanwhile high on acid and MDMA? It is maximum as rehabilitation but not even for remediation - as the solution is to understand the mind - not screw it- but know one thing - who is repeatedly taking even psychedelics for 'awakening' - it is obvious that not really grasping - therefore even the wisest speeches they can give but when  it is about to bring about a change within the current system - there is excuse - the  first is that it is alright, no problem, nothing to do - it is perfect - well, after visiting the poorest most abused countries in Asia - I could not accept that I am partying with shining light meanwhile people are starving - my ego is just too big to accept it - the only solution is to expand my ego so big that everyone can fit in - and to give as I would like to receive - it is simple yet powerful - however all excuses are exposed - taking the trip to enlightenment and once I reach it I will help for others - but until that I do not have to change, to question and stop my mind, my law of manifested beingness.
Because to be able to head on the world system requires CHANGE within and as SELF first - that is blocking our understanding, effectiveness, letting go of self-interest of addiction to self-defined positivism.

To meditate on peace and compassion meanwhile what is physically here is the fact of inequality and abuse more and more increasingly - brutal. And also who is high - can not do a thing what really matters for solution...
I've noticed it is quite an excuse - 'he/she is on a journey now - tripping, let her/him be' - but after all - if one is tripping from time to time for the same perceived as 'divine' experience - how comes that it dissolves for nothing if it is really divine. There are guys who use these things as party and fun and tribal experience without trying to be seen to be all knowing for those who just started this - that is better because after years doing so who is still busy to grasp the mystical experience and re-and relive it - is it really mystical if requires the same circumstances to reproduce over and over and over again?

Yeah, there is a reason for I do not really use spiritual terminology as it is deceptive by the fact that everyone has their own definitions towards positive and negative within their own self-interest but for the game of words in eastern teaching there is a force: they call it paramita - what brings you to the other side literally - meaning once you are through - you are done, you are enlighten, everything is shining, like Neo at the end of Matrix - and with acid - one's memory is quite liquified, not really solid, and this light experience is overwhelming, especially when one did not get used to it and then it is like that - and in some hours it is gone. And as one is got used to define self-life-reality - from that experience it is seamless to define from that experience - of course how defines is also of definition so the whole aspect of perceived self can be --- and must be fundamentally questioned because the human mind is not understood - science does not grasped it yet and psychology neither - many destonians walk now the path of psychology to re-align it with Life values and not mind-values, a psychology and science what is driven and pulled not by profit as now but the core of our understanding, the very manifestation of ourselves which is Self as Life as equal as all. If one does not understand how the mind takes on - one certainly becomes influenced, infested and controlled by themselves, inverted through, intensified by the very point of self-dishonesty which is the layers of the mind - thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, definitions... And the physical body here is used to contain and fuel this mind-self, even when one is taking the journey to the other side - regardless of the experience - after the energy is off - one is 'normal' again. 
What remains is a memory and some experience and references and maybe some wise thoughts - however when one defines it - it is worsening - defining the undefined is like rape - does not fit well and never embracing, never ever satisfying - what remains is that the judgment of the circumstances of the experience - the acid, the party, the people, the music, the dance - so then one should repeat that to re-experience - maybe this time one can get trough for real. But it is not possible. It is so obscene nonsense I do not even try to explain that.
Not because it is not fascinating stuff, but because currently I am on a trip again and my electricity is limited.
What is obvious that one should realize the circles and loops within he/she is moving.
There are simple tools with what one can screw one's mind without any effort if common sense is available.
The destonian questions are really cool viruses for the minds infected and programmed by and as self-interest.
What is best for all? seems to be like a philosophical question like who we are or where are we came from or what is good or what is bad - but to be able to answer this - it is required to step beyond the already programmed mind.

Drugs can shake the foundation of the mind but know one thing: it ONLY effects the mind - and if one has the starting point of the mind as memory, definition, thought, feeling - one is based on that - and even physical facts are superimposed by the perception of those.
And the an other fact is that one is so used to be the mind - even after moments of high drug experience - when the energy is gone - one is not directing self out of the mind, disregarding the thoughts (I am speaking about and to the ones who already grasped the realization that thoughts are the prison, for ones who are still fascinated and mesmerized by their own inner god speaking to themselves: start writing all thoughts out and see the robot of fear and realize: none of any thoughts can be trusted as it is the wall from reality) - because once one is here again - for me it requires quite some years to be able to express this simple thing:
Why do I return to thoughts, even when realized the self-deception within them?

Because knowing is one thing, but to see to what extent we are ensured that thoughts are reflecting back our oblivion - until we have thoughts - we are not honest with ourselves because in the moment of participation within the thought - we are the thought, we are disregarding what is real here.
But to see, realize and understand how we programmed and why ourselves to limit our very beingness to thoughts - Self-honesty. To dare to see that I was deceiving myself therefore all others and having the Will to stop. Even if we lose everything what we have - it was never real anyways as based on thoughts - what are of fear...

What is the real red pill with what there is no turning back is the Solution AS Self-honesty.
Once one grasps what it means within practical application - there is not a single occupation within one can get the same experience of refugee within the mind - it is tainted with the possibility of becoming much more but requires effort as resistances are also self.
Manifested as the repeated patterns one has carved into and as the physical body what is the only real of ourselves. Earth. Dust. Water.
So to deny reality is paranoia. Paranoia of missing what is beyond here.
The hope that there is more than who and what we are here.
The game of casino of chance to get free: for free.
Because it is obvious that we are confined - into and as this existence and none can see beyond the veil of death - after the human flesh experience what is existing - because the body is a programmed organic mind system manifestation. It is like I am a little drone in the game of Starcraft and trying to reach what is beyond the game - to try to figure out what is directing me by the basic and only available commands of me: move, stop, harvest, build, fight - to realize what is beyond the mind - requires a new paradigm.
What is screwing the mind is the physical. So then fear is programmed, implanted, resonated - that this physical is not enough, it is dirty, it is inferior - and once one is being directed or impacted by and as physical - fear is coming by.
Fear from losing the superiority from the mind.
There are people who are using their body quite consciously. Sportsman, dancers, fighters - they are perfecting the human body but not as direct body - but as self-interest of mind - fear from losing it therefore caring about it seems to be quite good thing - but it is of paranoia as well.
Am I healthy? Am I nice?I am good? Or once the good-ness is obviously exposed, conflict arise within - judgment, definition, separation - the thinker me, the thought and the subject of it - where am I meanwhile as physical?

Much much to realize and learn - just start writing - with the best tools in the universe:
http://lite.desteniiprocess.com
At this course, discuss it with people who understand how the mind functions really, not just lovey shiny good feeling positive vibration karma energy mind enlightenment stuff - but the real deal - how to decompose and change ourselves to explore what it means to transcend.
It is not for money - it is free and actually very simple - and then write and act and explore Self-honesty as Life.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Buddhizmus=önbecsapás - Józan ész - levél -

leborulás - kagyü weboldalról kagyü rinpócse írta, tehát azt vágó

csak ezt elemezve egyszerű paraszti ésszel egyértelművé teszem, hogy elmejátékszer és meghaladni azt ezáltal képtelenség, hisz folyamatos elme-munka.

The Proper Practice

1 - Visualization of the Refuge Tree
In front of us in space we imagine the whole refuge tree.
Imagináció - nem valódi - képzelődés. Tehát az elmémben képzelem a fát. Amíg képzelem ezt, fizikailag mennyire vagyok jelen? pont a folytonos imaginációm akadályoz meg amúgyis, hogy lássam mi van, miben veszek részt


First, we imagine Dorje Chang - the lama who represents all sources of the refuge. We imagine the lama as the center of the refuge tree. We should be fully aware that Dorje Chang is our teacher and that he is the mind of our lama.

Egy képet képzelünk el - vagy egy már látott képet, vagy egy általunk kitalált képet, vagy csak a fogalmat vagy csak a helyét - de mindenképpen imaginációra(lásd feljebb: képzelgés) érti ezt is.

We think about Dorje Chang to make sure that the manifestation of the nature of mind is not stained by our habitual thoughts. To help us keep the pure view, the view of wisdom, we imagine this perfectly pure form. At the same time we keep awareness that Dorje Chang is the mind of our lama.

Pakoljuk bele az elménkbe dörzsölt dzsángót, "róla gondolkodunk", hogy biztosra menjünk, hogy az elménk nem "szennyezett" a szokásos gondolatainkkal. Tehát gondolatok MARADNAK. Csak kicseréljük. a Tiszta nézetre, a bölcsesség nézetére, elképzeljük ezt a tökéletesen tiszta formát - nos, ebbe bele se kötök, oviba még oké, de ha gyakran csinálnánk ezt, anyu ránkszólna.
De közben azt is az elménkben tartjuk (jó nagy) "keep in mind", hogy ez a csáng a mi lámánk elméje. Nem szarral gurigázunk.




Everything that appears in front of us in space is like a rainbow or a reflection in a mirror; it is not a thing. If we have difficulties visualizing the whole refuge tree we should have confidence that all objects of the refuge are really in front of us even if we cannot hold them in our mind.

Ezt elképzeljük vagy nem - mint egy szivárvány, de persze nem egy dolog - akik megbuktak vizualizációból, ne görcsöljenek, csak csinálják ész nélkül, egyszerűen higgyük el, hogy mindez valóban előttünk van, még ha az elménk ezt képtelen is felfogni.


ááááááááá

de folyamatosan azt képzeljük, azt gondoljuk, úgy tapasztaljuk, azt tudatosítjuk és továbbra is képekkel, definíciókkal, elképzelésekkel, hitekkel pakoljuk tele a tudatunkat - vagy akiknek ez nem igazán megy, azok nyugodjanak meg és realizálják - a tudattalanba megy a "jó benyomás" - Nos - a tudattalan - az igen durva. Én oda nem pakolnék egy fránya dolgot sem, ugyanis a tudattalan az, aminek "nem vagyunk tudatában" - tehát úgy lesz a buddhista spiritualista (shamarpa spiritualistának mondja ezt az egész kócerájt, te nem:) megvilágosodott, hogy nem is igazából kell tudatában lennie. csak működik és kész

hit, vallás - ennél még a kereszténység és a kedvenced az Ószövetség(ami amúgy pusztán PURE EVIL, olvasd L) is ésszerűbb - dzsiháD!!!

és ez az ALAP
ezután, ha százmilliószor már csináltuk, akkor majd jöhet a tudat természete meg a nem dualitás, de akik nem tolják végig, nem törnek be, azoknak esélye se lenne, tehát nem is kaphatják meg a putz gyakorlatokat

de van aki ezt az alapot 10x csinálja meg, azok az igazán kafa szuperhősök - bár képességet nem kapnak, de türelmet mindenképp fejlesztenek - de azt úgy is lehetne, hogy négylevelű lóherét keresgélek a mezőn 30 évig éjjel-nappal és amikor találok egyet vagy tapasztalok egy tudat természete négylevelűt, akkor az energiát, reményt, hitet és meggyőződést ad.


Tudom, ez nagyon gyenge próbálkozás, de igazából nekem bőven elég ennyi - szemenszedett marhaság.

Aki egy kicsit is olvasottabb és tájékozottabb a világról, a kultúrákról, az tudja, hogy ez a távol-keletről jövő maszlag ugyanolyan kormány-agenda, mint a mcdonalds, meg a walt disney, csak ők több fronton dolgoznak és nekik mindegy mibe kerül, hisz ők találták fel és gyártják magát a pénzt.

Erről hagy ne kelljen számtalan doksit keressek, de michael tsarion egy jó kezdet pl

vagy jed mckenna


spiritual agenda, esoteric agenda - ugyanolyan psychological warfare, mint britney spears, csak egyik ilyen fegyver, a másik olyan

semmilyen evilági dologban nem lehet bízni csak magunkban

persze - te nem vagy buddhista - nem vagy a csoport tagja

de ha nem veszel menedéket a lámában és gengjében, a budhukban és nőikben, ha nem imádkozol(tudom durva, de prayer az ima) guruhoz, jó benyomásokat gyűjteni, felajánlani mandala dimenziókat persze ez is mind a te tudatod, de ha ezeket nem csinálod, nem vagy egy és egyenlő a módszerekkel, a jelentéssel, a szimbólumokkal, a céljaival és a kiindulópontjával, akkor meg miafasznak csinálod

ha megy igen, akkor az vagy, legalább ezt vállald fel, kérlek és akkor te is egy olyan vagy - budd his ta vagy budd ha ha ha

mer ez kb olyan minthogy én is lövöm szét a gyerekeket a többi katonával, de ha kérdezik, "én nem vagyok ebben a csoportban, én nem vagyok katona, én csak fogom a fegyvert és lövök, mint a többi" - ez kicsit nem felelősségvállalás, hogy mit is csinálok

tehát ha nem vagy buddhista vagy buddha vagy tibeti buddhista módszerek gyakorlóinak csoportjának tagja

(egyik DRÁGAKŐ a szanga, a közösség, a CSOPORT) - ha nem vagy a tagja, akkor az egyik allappilléren BEBUKTAD


ezek voltak most bennem, persze nem volt kedvem agyalni ezen, inkább leírom

tehát, hogy te mondod, csak csinálod ezeket, mert hasznos - az, hogy a te akaratod és elméd erős, és amúgy

EZEK MELLETT képes vagy józan paraszti észre és gyakorlatiasságra és valamilyen szintű ön-őszinteségre magaddal kapcsolatban - és emiatt a paráid csökkennek, oké - csak azt lehetne úgy is, hogy izraelbe katona vagy és lövöd a palesztint és közben amik feljönnek benned, azokat őszintén megvizsgálod és tényleg a javadra válik - de ez esetben a buddh**** felcserélhető és nem az a módszer, inkább az csak egy eszköz, amivel szélsőséges eseteket tudsz produkálni, mondjuk órákon át gyúrni hasra és kézre meg lábra és közben a dzsángót és menedékfáját tudatosítva

de mindenképpen egy idő után hátráltat, mert az a sok rendszer beivódik és én jópár éve abbahagytam de még mindig van amikor húst kóstolva eszembe jut egy mantra és akkor megbocsátom, hogy ilyen mélyen be tudtam programozni magam.


oké most ennyi

ha le van írva és többször el lehet olvasni akkor hátha talán ezek közül egy pont felvillan, hogy hmm, tala, amúgy igen

pl a kendi feleségével 1etértek: BAROMSÁG:)

hetekig tudnám elemezni a tanításokat, a szavakat, a mondatokat, a módszereket, a szentiratokat és a szimbólumokat, de ha ennyiből valaki azt állítja, hogy ez kafa, azzal én nem akarok pl szexelni vagy együtt lenni - SOHA. bocs, nem személyes, csak felelősség.

te persze más vagy, kicsit hasonlítasz rám, én 79-es vagyok, lehet korhoz van kötve, de nekem 28 éves koromra leesett - és fáj, hogy mit buknak be emberek és az én valóságomban az én felelősségem, hogy legalább ezt, amit én évekig buktam, ne bukja más

és ha ezt a lény nem realizálja, akkor ezt megteheti, csak ne az én valóságomban, mert én az én valóságomért vállalok felelősséget és kész..

persze a buddhizmus csak egy a sok faszság közül, nem para

de direkt választottalak téged páromnak, direkt tolom rád a sok szart, direkt nem kíméllek és direkt nem kedveskedem

és ha én a páromnak felelősséget vállalok, akkor ez az én felelősségem is, hogy amit és ahogy én látom-látok, azt neki is megmutassam, főleg akkor, ha ő úgy tűnik nem látja.
és ha nem fogja, akkor szórri, de akkor nekem ő nem a párom, nem júniusig, de soha igazán nem is volt, legfeljebb a közös érdek egy ideig összevonzott minket.


a faszbúkon ezeket leírtam, tehát aki engem spannak jelöl, az láthatja, nem árulok zsákbamacskát, nyilvános minden
de aki spanol velem, jobb ha tudja, hogy lószart nem tűrök el többé, s ha kell rohadtul egyedül döglök meg a világban, de ez vagyok - persze nem vagyok ezzel egyedül...
"Love = I will not accept or allow anything less than who you are as one and equal with me. When I see that you are not honouring you as who you are - I will directly intervene and assist and support you, how necessary - so you in this moment may realise/see/understand what you are accepting/allowing within you that is not of who you really are."

vagy olvasd el ott a profilomon az INFO részt, ez vagyok.

és az egész nekem a bélyeggel és mariskával kezdődött, de soknak nem kellett az, hogy reményt kapjon, higyjen

becskén hányan vágják ezt rendesen? a többség csak csinálja, jó a társaság, sok jó csaj, kellemes, mély hangú, atombölcs, mindenre van válasza guru, aki hozza a titokzatos misztikus mesés kelet idáig zárt mindenre megoldását

oké a pénzt megértem már, miért szedik, ők is esznek, mert ebben a fizikai világban szinte minden valahol kifejezhető dollárban, de amikor körbe kell járni a sztúpát, amit telepakolnak telerajzolt meseiratokkal és attól stratégiai helyeken elhelyezve majd a világot segíti - az már csak cseresznye a torta habján :))))))))))) de persze nem mindegy, merre járod körbe, légy résen, kiscserkész

én őszinte vagyok - anno beszoptam, pár bélyeg után rájöttem, hogy egy lószar, aminek addig képzeltem magam és bár vannak bennem, amik valójában én vagyok, a többség bennem egy előreprogramozott automatikus tudattalan-tudatalatti-tudat géphármas, amely pontosan és egyértelműen leírható matematikai egyenletek sokaságával és pusztán a külső körülmények irányításával, a lény befolyásolható, megváltoztatható, programozható

persze apád sokat papolt erről, én is, de ezt a részét lehet, hogy csak dacból átengedted mindig a füleden, nem tudom

a legnehezebb pont nekem például az volt, hogy beismerjem, hogy ÉN tévedtem, én hittem, én reménykedtem, és igenis tévedtem az elején, és pusztán bizonyos élmények, tudati tapasztalások alapján a buddhizmushoz tudtam akkoriban a legjobban hasonlítani, persze az indián sámánizmus is közel járt, azok módszerei, szimbólumrendszerei is egész kecsegtetőek, de, hogy beismerni, hogy igenis, akkor annyira össze voltam zavarodva és annyira akartam a szabadságot, hogy bevettem, de most már nem

és merek azoknak a szemébe nézni, akik még azóta a 4 éve is ugyanezt csinálják és az egész világgal, mint magammal egyenlőként, megosztom, felvállalom, ahogy látom - ez sem volt könnyű, de egyszer kell, biztos mint embert ölni, aztán már könnyebb - beismerem, tévedtem, de rájöttem, hogy nem ez vagyok, s megosztom - és persze lehet, hogy az a több száz, akik spanolnak velem a neten, amiatt, amiket ahogyan és amiért mondok, ugyanúgy bukják, mint én - én azt leszarom
de anyám, ahogy engem leírt régen, hogy vártam a sült galambot, hogy a számbarepüljön.
én évekig kiröhögtem - persze ő elég sok buddhu, feldmár könyvet elolvasott, amiket hazavittem, tehát nem úgy mondta, hogy a tévébe látta a dalailámát, ahogy a szeretetre szólít fel - mint a PÁPA is mellesleg

de minden ilyent le lehet írni és megbocsátani, nem késő, de persze van akiknek ez már szinte lehetetlen.

mindenképp egy könyvet írok egyszer erről,ha megélem

drogok, megvilágosodás, mint önbecsapás, de nem muszály elolvasnod, főleg, ha ez a levél is hidegen hagy

uff

például, ha ezt elolvasod és azt mondod, tala, gyere, mert elszálltál - akkor neked nem csak az smafu, amit mondok, hanem az is, aki valójában vagyok és akkor meg miafaszért akarsz ennyire ragaszkodni hozzám, mert őszintéskedünk és kényelmes az egónknak?

a csatolt kép az egyetlen valódi, ami a buddhizmusból és a buddhistákból marad mondjuk 200 év után a VALÓSÁG-ban, persze aki vagy ami esetleg feltételezhetően továbbjut, az csak információ, egy pendrájv.(egy csontváz az ímélben)

ez kúl - ezért nagyon nem kattogok már a spirituál agendásokon, csak mert veled összeálltam, igenis mondom, hogy ha velem akarsz lenni, a talanácival(béci is lenácizott, nefelejtsük el), akkor szorri, engem felbasz, hogy egy ilyennel foglalkozol, ilyenbe veszel "menedéket", vagy ha csak azt csinálod és valójában belül meg te nem is, akkor meg az elég skizó.


én nekem módszerem volt a megvilágosodás, buddhizmus, spiritualizmus meghaladására, hogy oké, akkor ha ennyire ez kafa, akkor hogy is csinálták a puccok? a nagyon nagy puccok? a cartoon-szútrák és vadzsra faszomok írásaiban?

buddhu leült és meditált amíg az elméje le nem állt

és akkor nem kell mantra tantra fantra kantra zantra, (víva szar AHA), hanem akkor leülök és fókusz, leállítom az elmém

persze kiröhöghető, hogy azt mondom, hogy a 2 bélyeges infected-es bencével testcserés élmény után(2003.12.13) és az egész consciousness tudat spirált bejárt és a végéig eljutott tapasztalás után én leültem és hetekig néztem a gyertyát és füstölőt először afgán hasissal, majd az elfogyott és ültem tovább és egyszercsak tényleg ki tudtam kaccsolni a faszságaim - csak akkor teljesen leálltam és képtelen voltam alkalmazni magam a fizikai valóságban - gyakorlatilag halál

márpedig nekem az nem volt elég - nos, én akkor és ott, rájöttem, hogy a meditáció elme-maszturbáció.

nekem ez alap - lehet, a hüllők a génjeimbe ezt írták, de az most is menne

leülök és leáll az elme egy idő után - persze te ezt nem próbálod ki, mert gyerek meg munka

de ha tényleg akarnád, ha igazán, valóban, tényleg akarnád, akkor azt ajánlom, rendesen, ezer millió %-al csináld, válj teljesen eggyé vele és egyenlővé, vállald a csoportod, a nézeted, az izmusod, igenis ismerd minden egyes részét

én is próbára tettem, persze lehet mondani, a borulást sem még csak el sem kezdtem, nemhogy befelyeztem, de nekem ezek nem bizonyultak teljesnek, és nem NEKEM, hanem ezek a módszerek magukban nem teljesek, ezen nem vitatkozom.

ha ezer millió százalék meggyőződésed van benne, csináld kérlek mindent beleadva szemernyi kétség nélkül

mert akkor aztán akkor úgyis kiderül, hogy ez sajna(én is sajnáltam ám) nem elég

és az utolsó, a főkedvenc ma(vagyis már holnap aka "ma már máma van már?"
itt a link

buddhism + forgiveness

erre van sok link

de a megbocsátás nem buddhista, inkább csak magába rántotta, sőt a megbocsátás lófasz, még a nemlétező keresztény isten is megbocsát 111.111 miatyánk után -- való--hó-hó-hó-ban? ihi hi hi hi gaaaaaaaa záááááááááán?

nézzük igazán:



(hiszen másnak akármit meg lehet bocsátani, de amit magamnak se tudok, azt úgy sem tudom másnak sem, tehát érdemes magammal kezdeni és utána már másnak nem is kell - tehát csak egyetlen megbocsátás létezhet, az önmegbocsátás.

self forgiveness + buddhism

tehát, nézzük az internetet(ami, sokan mondják, a tudattalan megnyilvánulása - hisz a net fele pornó pl)


tehát - ezeket nézegetve, szemezgetve például - kiderül, hogy lám-lám(-a:) van itt-ott említve - de sehol kagyü, max zen vagy max itt ott arcok buddhizmussal néha összekötik, de a shamarnya istentelen űber putz karmanya

sosem ejt szót róla, se elő-ólle sem, soha, csak a fényen meditálj, kis rovar
pedig ők a GURU a tudatom, az elmém, a szimbólum, a fő vágó

titkolják, ha 111.111.111.111.111-el megvagy, tán kinyögi, s nem én a kiskukimmal mondom egy éve

szóval ez a dolog is csak terelés, SUUU NNY NNY OGÁS

kérlek :)

persze, ez egy folyamat, nekem is kellett idő, míg ezt pl az ős-spanomnak, bence-komának az arcába vágtam, de egyszer kell kiállni a világ elé és onnantól alap

és képesség, mint ajándék magamtól magamnak, hogy ezeken és ezeken a sémákon, mémeken átlátok, az ezeket mondogató handalabandala hindilibindili embereken is e téren könnyedén, hisz ha magamba átölelem őket, mint magam, egy és egyenlő, akkor ez kibukik hamar és látom, hogy ez a lényben még misztikum, ahelyett, hogy teljesen ITT tapasztalható legyen, hogy mik voltak azok a pontok, amik mentén fokozatosan és folyamatosan belementek ebbe az egész végülis nevezhető HITRENDSZERBE, de az már az én történetem, ha egyszer-kétszer kifejezem ezt nekik és ők nem vágják de én AKKORIS akarom, hogy vágják

nos ez nincs már, nem akarom hogy vágd, nincs mit akarnom, mert ha ráerőltetem, akkor az én vagyok, tehát felszólítalak, hogy kérlek, könyörgök, ha velem akarsz lenni, akkor realizáld már a kurva úristenit,

különben én természetesen véget akarok vetni az intim kapcsolatnak - pont emiatt például, hisz az intimitásnak ez például határa

ölel:

Talamon József Berta

(ez ment a blogomra)