Tuesday, August 6, 2013

[JTL 88] Be Change instead of self-judgment

Continuing on:
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within judging things about me as positive or negative I am becoming who I am as judgment and definition and giving permission to the very condition within I've allowed to judge myself to define who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize/see/understand the common sense to change myself instead of judging myself as negative within self-acceptance by self-definition.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to see the common sense to change myself in aspects what I did define that it is not who I want to be because of definition of that is who I am and that I do not like, accepting a relationship within separation with me.

This is part of when started to vlogging in 2008 and judged my speaking, my expression, my gestures as awkward, peasant-like and wanting to change but not knowing how to or what to and within self-judgment as 'negative' I've suppressed the dislike towards myself and never considered to see what is the reason of self-judgment within comparison with memory in regards to others who I've defined as I want to be.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that what I see directly within myself as I do not want to be like that automatically - it is of fear to judge myself and go into reaction of thoughts, feelings, emotions.

I forgive myself that I have never realized that within judging myself as negative and my expression with negative charge as 'bad', 'weak', as 'immature', as 'awkward', as 'wobbling', as 'peasant-like', 'uneducated' - I've lost within reactions of thoughts/feelings/emotions towards the definitions I've made towards myself and never considered to directly change myself.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize/see/understand that self-judgment is for covering up as justification and excuse for not changing, not changing myself in regards to the subject of the judgment's reason as fear.

I forgive myself that I have defined myself who I am according to fear from changing because who I've defined myself to be was fear from not changing and lost myself within reactions towards fear from changing, fear from not changing.

I forgive myself that I have never realized the common sense within actually changing myself without self-judgment, fear but with self-direction and self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the starting point for changing as self-doubt, self-judgment, fear, in fact fear from not changing as fear from fear of loss.

Wow is this real?

Fear from fear of loss and even fear from losing fear of loss.

How ridiculous can human be and if this writing does not get practical meaning, is this a philosophical mental-masturbation through wordplay?

Is it self-doubt or self-honesty?

When and as I fear from changing as defining who I am based on self-judgment - I stop, I breathe, I let the fear and definition go.

When and as I see I judge something within me as I do not like this within me - I use common sense is it something what I can change? And I directly change - or if it is something I can not change here such as the pale skin and it's tendency to burn under sun I have, then I embrace myself and see why the judgment is here and what is showing and I stop the starting point of it and I stand undefined.

When and as I go into the inner loop of fear from loss and fear from losing even fear of loss - I stop and I let everything go and I remain here, considering what is here and what is practical to actually do and I express myself within self-trust doing it as undefined, breathing.

When and as I see thoughts, feelings, emotions within reactions towards myself as self-judgment of what I do not want to be - I let go the judgments, feelings, thoughts, emotions and I re-align myself with and as direct physical change as undefined, presence, expression here.

I commit myself to stop all self-judgment within me and investigate all starting point of self-judgments within me to stop all reactions as thoughts, feelings, emotions towards me within fear and inferiority and within the moment of seeing what I do not want to be like - I directly change myself within practical consideration and understanding of how and why I am like I am in regards to the point I judge and what to I change, meaning not having intent but being aware of what and how I do it.

I commit myself to constantly remember that self-judgment is for cover-up for not changing and in the moment of inner reaction of thought, feeling, emotion I do not accept it, I do not follow it, I remain here, undefined, yet directive.

I commit myself to stop all intent towards changing myself and actually be the change I want to be within practical consideration of what is here and what I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and worry about what about aspects of me I do not know and not being sure and how to have a 'plan' to change myself when I do not know who I really am, but only seeing this, who I am currently manifested is not who I really am, so then the practical plan is to stop myself and not go into the same pattern again and remain here and when the automation, urge, breeze of suggestion comes from my mind - I let it go, I stand within the realization that I have written this through, I have understanding, I made the commitment, I am directing here, so I remain here as exploring what is here beyond this self-definition-based reaction and I trust myself in and as the moment within considering what is here.

EQAFE is very practical within Self-support and education of the mind-reality-life relationship, that's why the links within the document - I suggest to check out, there are quite some available for free!

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