Friday, August 16, 2013

[JTL 93] Who am I?

Who am I?


The question what humans find out, right?

Probably a squirrel does not wonder too much about this question, nor even a shark.
But what if a shark actually got it's time to wonder that what the fuck am I doing constantly swimming around in the depths of this ocean and biting out the life out of other swimmers and basically from time to time reproducing myself, meanwhile I am well fed at times and I stop looking after satisfaction but then after I feel hungry again and go after others again.

Look: all animals are doing the same: going after what they meant to be and if we look them: they are quite busy - unless actually they are literally doing nothing: we all know how cats do, but when they are in move, they are indeed act busy.

Animals are like animated aspects of systematic representation of our symbolic patterns what we exactly live as who we are as humans, yet they are individual beings in their own process of Self-realization, just like us, humans, anyone is disabled to see it - no offense but obviously doesn't have a clue, better to acknowledge: animals are aware, whether we like it or not. We are not here to use them, they are not here to abuse them, they are us as equals as well, they are like humans:

Some humans are like deers, just grazing and running, and some are really predators and do hunting weaker ones.
Some humans are moving with their houses and some animals do the same, some live in caves, some fly every day.
Some humans are lonely, some are living in crowd: same as animals.

Animals are pre-programmed, preordained evolutionary results of specific intents - not random, not free and certainly not darwinism. For years my goal was to prove Darwinism wrong, then I realized I do not need to, it is obviously here - and then I made the joke for some that 'well, what should be my purpose now, that is not needed to'.

So then I've found myself to be this abstract life-force who can be anything but actually for a decade having the mind-flash exactly on this - as a Space Tribe music's track I've listened to so many times:

"You can be anything, you can be Shiva, Krishna, You can be anything this time around, You can be anyone "

- and then I've realized having the time with artists, musicians, painters, dancers etc while taking acid; I've realized by default I am not expressing myself as them - but if I can be anyone, - what I was quite sure but I had no physical reference to prove - so then I should prove to myself that I can be really anyone by being an artist - who I was certainly not. So I seemed myself as not programmed to be artist - by DNA, by family, by school, by media, by MYSELF - but I was like, if I can change this, if I can prove that I can change myself to be even an artist what people say it is a talent, can not be 'acquired' - then I could prove that I really can be anyone and THEN I can figure out who I really want to be and actually BE - so that was a some sort of plan.

I had some abilities - what I've seen as given, so to speak: pre-programmed, good with math, logic, machines, computers, - stubborn, for instance for meditation I was able to sit for days with no other reason but I've decided to - not the occupado mantra counting visualization shit, but the staring the candle in inner silence stuff, anything comes up, I am letting go, I am empty, I am clear thing -  I did not care how much I need to sit, I was like I sit until required and I had my breakthrough for proving that it is not really helping - but I need to act, in physical interaction I must do things, among others, so I dropped meditation really and started to go to areas what I had resistance to for instance doing music what I always felt I am bad with, I was shy and fearful with people, with children so I went to do that and that already assisted to realize I can change but in that time I had no relevant Self-support tools, only energy manipulation self-occupations just like mantras, tantras, drugs; what are so imperfect in relation to desteni tools, oh man - but people do not even see that because it's all pre-programmed, and the only thing to un-program it is Self-honesty.

So, humans are as well pre-programmed, as animals, as body, as behavior, just see the DNA - determines so much and we are programmed to not grasp our creation with our dearest jewel we are all blessed and cursed with together: the mind consciousness, which is indeed a system. Equated mathematically to fit each and every single human to contain and direct, to control and drive, to contaminate and to destroy so then they all die equally inevitably without enough time to see the whole thing through by being occupied all the time with all types of reactions and actions what is so demanding for attention, attraction for the feelings, emotions, thoughts, that attenuated our interest anything else but our own experience of proof that by that we claim to be real, hohoho, not just that, but life.
Humans have this external programming as well, by words, in and as the mind, just like their head is growing so big, that they have to come out from mother soon, before being well developed or they would not fit out - the same as their mind will be grow as well, filled with stuff they will be programmed to be in the first 7 years...

What is life, what can be life and who can define what life in fact is?

If we think that life is of cells what reproduce and consume and mutate then it is called cancer.

Then we can refine: is that we can live together in a sustainable system? Are we able to do so?

Is this what we have currently sustainable? I am not far fetched to infinity which is surely a great compass to what we should accept and allow as principle to consider to live through who we accept ourselves to be, but just say 100 years, not much if we consider some granny, grand-granny in relation to human culture and if we see the facts that it is clear we are not life as in a decade we will have serious issues with poisoned water, deforestation, dying seas and the bees are going away, many-many things as those do not serve consciousness so then not supported - same as in human system who do not make profit are not supported to live, that is tough - is this life?

One can tell that 'I am life, I am not bad, I am straight good, I am in peace, in love' meanwhile I just turn my head from that person 5% aside and see others as the opposite - which one matters if both is here? Both is here equally, I can draw a mean line and say then it is nor good, nor bad - or say we are both, good and bad, the great balance, the yin and yang and we are both, we accept some being freaking cool and accept some being extremely screwed.
Well, I can not tell people who to be but I am sure that what anyone accepts in any way whatsoever it is that what is being accepted as equal as one.

Whine about the corporations and military experiment on bio weaponry accidents, sure - it is we are as well - deny it and laugh - it is still here, it is still does what it is and in fact it is irrelevant that we do accept it or not, it is here as human creation.

If one does not take responsibility for what is here - it does not 'helps' humanity - it is still here what we are accepting and allowing here.

See, I am wondering, I have this inner movement and not really seeing what it is but drives me, it is me but I am not seeing until I am not expressing it out, here, into and as this physical reality.

I am still at zero point - not exactly zero, but within accumulation it is still somewhere around zero.
I still see myself as I can be anyone, not exactly but I can be who I am right here today, that's already here.
I can be who I wanted to be, not as I am today, but I imagined myself to be and I am not fully sure.
I am sure that I do not want to be who I imagined myself to be.
Quite early I've seen I could be soldier, everything I've given to that, athletic body, fast brain, great reflexes, ability to adapt and learn quickly and not think once concluded things but I've realized it is a feeling of power and it is not really me.

I could be musician, I am sure - push that button in me, and from a point walk from studio to stage, from party to festival, from station to halls, shows, but as I see it is from a feeling.
I do not trust feelings. Feelings are good for me, sure, but is it really good if I consider all?

I could be filmmaker, I have this click within me and I am it, I am doing it and I push myself and I take roles and do - from location to to studio, from editing room to festival, from green screen to price award but I see it is from a feeling as well.
Within the feeling I see positive, and when I see positive, I see negative as well - shall I look only the positive?
The negative does not disappear, only I do not see it anymore but it is still here - as not feeling positive about not feeling good, so then if I feel good, then I do not stop the negative, only I have positive as well. Do I need one or both? Who I could be without any of these? First was the negative, then the positive came - If I see the negative, it is also as dependent on the positive as the positive on the negative - strange but both seems quite unsure.

I could be IT manager, later director, that way is already in the move in my life, I am just growing over being a shoveling man, I see through that, I see how managers click, just practice, diligence, motivation and procedure - but I do not see it is relevant for who I am - it is just what I've manifested myself to be today. I do not judge it, I do not deny it, it is who I am, but it is not all who I am.

I see great possibilities and all my life was to find out who I am and what I want to lock on and do it with no doubt, with no question, only being the answer.

What is sure that Desteni tools and principles are the only thing within me what are clear, no doubt about those and already locked on - so not really need to think even for a moment, if you know what I mean, you certainly do, so:

I want to support the practical solution for manifesting practical equality wherein it is beyond any question that a newborn is getting great quality life by default on the physical level: food, shelter, medical care, education. That is a some sort of purpose, goal for me I see this as clearly as this screen I am typing to these words currently.

Because until that is not manifested on earth for any reason - I am that reason what is not really me but who I accept and allow myself to be and for that reason I am here to understand, to stand up as equal as one and to change, to remove, because that reason for why any human being is disregarded so utterly, I see as evidence, as purpose as for what I must stand up to stop otherwise who I am as All Life Equally is compromised, is blocked, is suppressed, is not real.

And I investigate, and research, and I learn, and I realize and when required, I un-learn and I stop, and I do not hesitate, when I am almost unclear, then I re-align and I stand as this principle: Equal Life for ALL on the physical level, what is also required for me. This is common sense, should be absolutely common for all to grasp simply in and as one breath, that what I am required to live, others as well require. Not the golden toilet, you screwed bulltard, not the 500 rolls royce in your backyard, you idiot, not the 2.4billion$ stealth bomber - see, that is who I am, that is what I accept, that is here.

And then one says to me: well, Tala, you have problems enjoying your life because you are not getting love - well - I have my love, certainly: I 'have' destonians who are damn right have integrity, I have fine olive oil what from I really feel as king with a salad and I have my life, what is in fact a programmable organic robot which has certain amount of days left to do whatever I DECIDE. I am sure I can make my living even on the streets or in offices or on the field or anywhere in the system, that is sure - I've proven that already, but the more I walk this process of Self-honesty, I see less and less relevant myself to be interested in because the more I investigate and forgive - the less I am in the way exploring what is here as reality and what are the Self-honest priorities to embrace what Life SHOULD BE. And that is who I am.


I've seen this in a movie recently and so:
My attention is what is here on earth, as the physical.
Interest is that I want each human equally fed, educated, taken care physically
Decision is to use my human physical body on my attention for my interest.
Action is every day considering what is best for all(including myself) equally and accumulating common sense in action.

Simple - most simple thing ever.

Complication? Problem. Complete implication that I am not here, I am con-fined within and as my mind-plate implant of accumulation of self-dishonesty, which is required to re-align and accumulate Self-honesty in action. Until the end. Point. End.

That is simply who I am that is what I commit myself to walk with people coming from and with Desteni - I am not fully sure what it means but I've seen the group in action and I do not trust in individuals, I trust in myself as principle within the group.

It is not really a personal game - anyone thinks so - personality is problem, the person is an ally of self-interest, what is not the group's interest, will go out, nothing personal, it is simple. The System is honest - will deal with the interest of that self.

So practical steps:

When I speak - really speak - I have feelings in and as my human physical body - many - just like groups of snakes moving around and it is from solar plexus, from fear. That I investigate here.

I speak in confidence, it feels good, really like I am comparing myself to ones who I've observed and judged as speaking with confidence, clarity, being direct and simple.

That I feel as good, because I never had that and anytime I experienced it with anyone - I've judged it as 'wow, great' - meanwhile compared myself to others: well, not so great.

And this was on for decades, at least 30 now, but a bit more. So then at times when I forget to judge, I forget to fear, it is no energy, I express, I am direct, I am clear, I am here.
But when I decide, when I direct myself to speak clearly, directly - meanwhile not following a schema, not expressing what I am already but exploring what is in the constantly new moment as myself as direct, sound expression as my voice - then this feeling comes.
Feeling good, compared to feel bad, feeling strong, compared to weak, feeling confident, compared to being doubtful, feeling powerful, comparing to little, feeling direct, comparing to separate etc.

And that are the layers within and as me when speaking, that for this moment I see here what influences me, what reacts me, with what I automatically generate energy, what is for not being fully here, but in and as of this layers of my mind consciousness through I am this person.
One can say, let's disregard those, and speak directly, do not look after the feelings, the comparison, but the thing is that it is in and as my human physical body - I feel those automatically, I can pretend not feel, but it's still here - I can ignore, I can let go but in fact if I do not know how I've created, how I am initiating the reaction, then how I want to stop it?

So I see what I have as these word-based layers on each aspect of this energy: memory, feeling, second thought, association...
Feeling good, compared to feel bad, feeling strong, compared to weak, feeling confident, compared to being doubtful, feeling powerful, comparing to little, feeling direct, comparing to separate, being me versus not me etc.

what is good when sounds clear, strong, understandable
what is bad when muffled, uncertain, forced, weak, not loud enough,
what is strong when each word is like a flying rock
what is weak when words are like soap bubbles what burst after saying when facing anything
what is confident when it is of facts, nothing can shake those out with any opinion
what is doubtful when it is not sure, it is of opinion, it is of fear, it is of feeling
what is powerful when it has impact and changes what is here before being said
what is little when being said changes nothing, being irrelevant
what is direct when no thinking, preparation, but immediate, in the moment from empty clarity
what is separate when comes from thoughts, memory, from assumption, of combinations
what is being me when I act and do the same undoubtedly, proven by time and facts
what is being not me when I realize I lie, when I manipulate, when I say and not act the same

So then this I can investigate to see when my words are not Living Words in relation what I do and be and say are not equal as one here in and as physical.

Investigate as I am not really satisfied anymore with a feeling of 'ah, I realized this shit, alright, I feel good now, from now on I will change' - I do not trust that, as it is of feeling, of thoughts, of mind - will not last, I do not lean onto this experience, as it is conditional, it is not directly me here.

So within investigation I write the starting point, the first experience, the creation, the participation, the memory and each time I see accumulation - I correct, I re-align, I stop, I breathe, I change, I remain empty, I do it until I am clearly empty and I check and I see, and I move.

Every day - and any given day it is still here - it is me, it is who I am and it is my decision to be the interest of stop energy so I see the journey ahead, not exactly but see what I must walk each day and I see that every day I step and I accumulate the purification, the decompose of accumulation of energy creation and each day I am more direct, here.

And I see, it is not one day, week, year - I do not see as relevant how many time - I walk, I walk every day until I am not direct here and when I am direct here - I am not stopping until my purpose, my Life is not equal with and as all as food, shelter, education, body/health care is not guaranteed to each human - and then I move on and I engage other Equal Life Responsibilities - but until it is not given to each - there is no need another purpose.
So my purpose to stop energy within and directly express Equal Life - meanwhile, every day.

That is not really an activism but it seems so - I stand out and I take attention, I walk into conflict by saying this is life and anything less isn't. That is alright, this is my home, this is who I am and this is where you can stand with and as me as equals, nowhere else.
Share your words, sound your words, make sure your doubts are dealt with Common sense within Self-honesty before judgment and Decision and action.

Thank you for your cooperation as Life

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