Sunday, August 4, 2013

[JTL 87] Understanding and be direct change

Journey to Life to stop the madness of each self-delusions step by step, day by day, breath by breath.

Perspective today:
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined change and myself to change as reaction within towards it in terms of positive and negative as feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to plan changing within my mind as thoughts and having reactions to it as feelings as feeling good about the change by self-judgment as 'positive' and already having this positivity instead of realizing it is only in and as the mind - in the physical I did not change, but focusing on the feeling and judging the possible outcome of the change by the feelings I have towards it within and not realizing it is make-belief, made-up, the religion of self which is entirely unreal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the feeling to change is what I've defined as required to change and not realizing that within reacting to feel to change I am in fact not changing, only playing with the idea of changing and thinking to change and within already feeling positive about to change I do not even change in and as the physical, but only and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I do not change in and as the physical but only in the mind and based on judgments towards how I am and how I will be and how I define currently I am as not good and how I define how I will be when I will change as good and then already imagining myself as 'good' and not realizing then I stop to change, not even started to change, but only within and as my imagination which is not real.

I forgive myself that I have never considered changing, as changing as myself, changing myself is something what I must be aware of how I currently am in terms of the aspect of myself to change, and then also being aware how I want to change practically and what to I want to change and without that it is only an imagination what is not practical.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I've defined changing as changing by myself, as myself is automatic, regarding to circumstances a starting point is enough, a dissatisfaction is enough of that I am not feeling good therefore wanting to change to a way that I will feel good and whatever I feel good to as imagining myself to be, then I believe that I will be changed simply by an intent to change and not realizing that intent is self-delusion, self-dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize why intent is self-dishonesty and how I am trapping myself to not really change in and as the physical but only having the intent which is not practical, not real therefore any change is not possible.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to become aware the trap of intent to change as manipulation, as not direct practical self-change within consideration of all what is here and how to change therefore developing a separation within and as me and manifesting frustration, anxiety for not changing but wanting and blaming myself for not changing meanwhile not considering how exactly from what to what I require to direct myself to change with no intent but action.

I forgive myself that I have never considered to become aware directly the point what I want to change, but only having feelings which through defining something as not good, as bad based on self-judgment, self-definition and wanting to change it to feel good about it and then not understanding how exactly I am responsible for that judged as negative feeling and how I am stopping it practically but imagining myself how good would be to be changed and feeling good already by the energetic reaction of the 'intent' also based on self-defined judgment and the word and energetic relationships I've defined to the word: 'intent'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I've separated myself from direct physical change and made relationships with energetic reactions which through I intent to change meanwhile all I do is feel certain ways about how I experience myself and how I would experience myself if I could be changed.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to plan changing myself exactly in practical, measurable ways wherein I am directly able to see what I am doing for instance such as housekeeping, clothing, scheduling my days what I've defined as 'it is who I am as I do it currently' however I want to change it and not considering to change it as myself doing it by understanding how I am housekeeping, clothing, scheduling currently and how I exactly want to do it.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to realize the simplicity of changing myself in and as the moment but actually using energy, intent, force and manipulation, energetic reactions, feelings, emotions, thoughts to move me because I've defined myself that directly I am unable to be who I want to be but I must walk pathways and journeys and timeline to change and never considering that in and as one breath I decide and I act as change as the Living Word equal as one as written as spoken as action as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be the words I write and be the words I speak directly and believing and hoping that it must be time what with I will become the words physically what I write and speak and not realizing that directly I am changing, I am acting as written and spoken word with no separation, no inner self, no interpretation, no definition with physical action.

When and as I intent to change myself I stop and let intent go and I breathe within physical presence and I realize I am not taking into consideration what is here as myself, exactly what I am going to change, how I am going to change and what to I am going to change myself with no thoughts, no feelings, no emotions, no reactions, no good, no positive, no negative, no bad feelings, nothing - I am direct and empty and I am changing myself.

When and as I want to completely change and be the opposite in one moment who I am here I realize the small parts and the apparently irrelevant things I do not take care about within myself as reactions, automation, feelings are equally important to change within and step by step I can change but as direct, physical mannerism and being clear what I am currently changing and what to and not allowing feeling good about it or fearing from failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from if I do not feel good about change then I will not see and realize when I have changed instead of realizing that if I am directly changing myself, I am aware of it therefore not required to have feelings about it to notice, to realize - I am change directly itself, myself undefined, unified, equalized here.

When and as I feel good about changing myself I stop and I let go the feeling, I forgive myself for feeling good for changing and I realize within feeling good meanwhile changing - I am reacting to mind and I am not here as manifesting the change directly as myself, so I stop the feeling and I remain empty and directive.

When and as I worry, I fear, I doubt myself for changing within something I've understood within and as myself, I've considered what I want to change to what and exactly how to do it - I do not accept fear, I let go fear, I remain here, calm, relaxed and I trust myself.

When and as I doubt I can not change, I check within that "Did I understand exactly what part I am changing within myself?" "Am I aware of how I am changing myself?" ; "Am I aware what to I want to change?" And if not, then I script my change within planning within writing, seeing, and I re-align myself with and as myself as the practical change here.

When and as I am not sure what to do or how to change myself in aspects of me - I realize I've not been self-honest with myself in regards to that point I want to change and I take the time then and I write and I investigate within Self-intimacy and explore who I am here what I've allowed to manifest and what is best for me and also for all and then I change myself within that understanding, realization.

When and as I see myself to react automatically to a point what I want to change within myself - I realize the automation is not for change - I stop the reaction - I see what the reaction wants me to do and I do not give into it but I stop myself and I remain stopped until the need for such reaction is here within active stopping myself within being aware of what I am exactly stopping in this moment such as feeling to do something what is in fact leads to doing/not doing something I do not want therefore I do not participate.

When and as I go into energetic reaction for wanting to be stimulated sexually without myself here deciding it within self-direction - I realize it is automated, it is not really me but who I've allowed myself to be directed by and as self-dishonesty as addiction to energy and imagination to disregard what is here as the physical therefore I do not go into the temptation of arousal.

When and as I see that I am going into automatic sexual arousal based on tiredness, boredom, anxiety from within or externally stimulated, remembered to sex by pictures, sounds, symbols - I stop and I become aware that I am changing myself and I am directing myself and the intent to change is not real as to trust in intent automatically to change is the same as to trust automatic arousal believing it is me and it is real meanwhile as it came it will go therefore I stop myself and I let it go and I use common sense to deal with tiredness, boredom, anxiety, meaning resting or refreshment or self-forgiveness to let go specific resistances and energetic self-manipulations.

When and as I worry to have conflict with ex-partner, future partner or even current partner - therefore wanting to be alone and defining myself to be most effective as being alone - I realize I act based on fear and what I fear from, what I want to be separated from is already here therefore I face it and I stop the fear as stopping the relationship to defining myself based on the past, based on the self-definition of not being effective by judging myself in fact not being effective.

I commit myself to stop intent to change and be practical about changing myself meaning being aware from what and who I am changing by how and to what and actually doing it as self here.

I commit myself to change myself not being automatically feel as good towards imagining and planning to change but focusing only what is here wherein in fact I change.

I commit myself to stop trust in feelings and stop the addiction to feel good and want to feel good and to fear from not feeling good.

I commit myself to being aware of when I am feeling good as mind and when I am physically being, directly, feeling good and then not judging myself for it but allowing myself to enjoy myself without fear from not being able to make the difference from mind-feeling to physical feeling.

I commit myself to slow down within and able to question myself and experiences to be able to be self-honest within to see when I am following a feeling within and not imagining and having the intent to change but directly change myself even if it apparently means 'stopping, not participating, remaining here'.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to acknowledge the self-delusion within feeling good for future change but to fool myself within and as the starting point of and as the mind of thoughts, feelings, emotions about who I am and not realizing that meanwhile, always in and as the physical is the only real therefore only physical change I directly do is what matters, what is relevant and I stop being frustrated with of seeing something within what I am not self-honest about and observing myself to not change instead of no matter what, stopping myself doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become anxious, worrying and fearful facing feeling bad while changing myself because then within stopping to participate, within directly changing myself I am facing all the bullshit and it's consequences I've accepted and allowed meanwhile not realizing that all the 'feeling bad' is because judging myself as 'bad' for not changing to have a reason for being 'bad' enough to consider to change.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that within changing I have automated feelings as 'bad' because facing all the self-accepted judgments and excuses and justifications for why I did not change until here this moment and for the first time realizing why it is inevitable to change because by each excuse and justification for why not face the 'feeling bad' within direct change it is becoming more and more clear that I must change, who I am is to change myself in this aspect of me wherein I accepted and allowed myself to stuck, to loop myself into excuses and justifications.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to respect and appreciate myself within changing myself as I am capable of and doing so meanwhile enjoying to let go the fear and the judgments of polarity of positive and negative and be here as myself directly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become excited by even the idea of 'directly change', 'really change', 'at last change' and I am stopping the excitement, I am here, I am empty, I am directive, there is no need for being excited for being self-directive, this is who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress within myself all the things I wanted to change within and as myself, my mannerism, my expressions, my movement, my sounding, my words I speak, my actions I do because I've given up on myself and defined who I am as currently I accept myself to be and not realizing the ability to change myself within self-trust, self-dedication, self-discipline, self-will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to feel empty within writing self-forgiveness to be able to stop it and not realizing that I am writing the Self-forgiveness within Self-direction and not Self-forgiveness makes me write and I am not to feel empty but to let go all which is not real, which I've defined according to fear, judgments, intent, feelings.

I am direct, I am here, I am decision and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from words and allow words to have meanings and relationships with other words and reacting to those with feelings based on words as well meanwhile not realizing the common sense to purify myself and my relationship to words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I do not trust myself here as presence but trusting words, trusting writing words, trusting saying words but not trusting myself as saying, writing, doing words as equal as one, always, unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a need to think and have thoughts resonate within my head that 'I am here' instead of being directly here as empty mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forgive myself only that what I think of I should forgive and trusting thoughts popping up what to forgive and fearing thoughts coming up constantly and not realizing I can stop the thoughts and it is not about stopping the thoughts, or not stopping the thoughts but about can I remain here, consistent and disregard the thoughts and I am the directive principle.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be here as breath, be aware of and as breath while writing and realizing that disregarding breath is for regarding thoughts, self-dishonesty as thoughts without realizing the thoughts and self-dishonesty of thoughts for what I allowed  as creation as separation from myself within the starting point of fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically use 4 count breath for stop and suppress specific thoughts and believing I am stopping myself and in fact only doing that for certain thought patterns I do not face, question, investigate, understand but allow, suppress and not change myself to disregard by seeing in common sense what conflict I do not want to resolve in my life for what the specific thought reflects back my self-dishonesty.

I commit myself to become aware of what thoughts I suppress and force 'down' within and in fact forget to not deal with, to not understand the self-dishonesty I encoded to react with in order to realize within what I must change, stop.

I commit myself to become aware of all thoughts within which all represent an aspect of me what is of not real but of fear what I remember and investigate, understand and direct myself to change the starting point, the origin, the actual self-dishonesty for what the thought I accept and allow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use writing as release and not realizing that within writing I am not for practical real change to ensure but for feeling change, feeling changed, feeling released from not changing.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize I've been deceiving myself within stopping myself and changing myself instead of realizing that only changing in mind and in physical not changing and the proof for that is still thinking, still feeling, still charging up and releasing with energy instead of transcending the self-dishonesty and the judgments towards self with I generate energy what I require to release.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to practically walk through each justification and excuse why I do not stop the addiction to energy and to see/understand/realize exactly how and why I am defining myself at specific situations, scenarios, circumstances according to this energy, according to my judgments of positive and negative to the energy which is self-dishonesty to cover, forget, repeat and judge, define, justify and remain as until I directly not STOP, really, physically.

I forgive myself that I have not considered to see my location within I am at in and as physical existence, to motivate myself with and as principle and to direct myself in and as breathing action.

I forgive myself that I have not considered the responsibility I have for myself as existence as all life in each moment and every breath.

For Self-education, I suggest to invest for real values with what you can start grasping how to practically change for taking responsibility for all what is here as Life, not just imagine and feel but actually be change as real physical time:

Kryon, Reptilian and Quantum Mind Self Awareness Interviews available on EQAFE.

When and as I experience feel for energy, lack of energy, too much energy and seeing reaction as excuse and justification for why not moving and doing what is common sense, what is best for me, what is best for all within Self-honesty, I motivate myself as responsible for existence as myself as equal as one and not accepting any separation, not allowing to be less than who I really am as All as one as Equal as Life.

When and as I am not aware of what is Best for all and what should be my next move within consideration of all what is here, I realize the currently accepted and allowed abuse through the monetary, corporate, political, educational, media systems within which I place myself into those people's shoes who are disregarded, neglected, enslaved, abused and destroyed in the name of surviving, allowed in the name of love, god, feeling good, enlightenment, happiness, evolution or any interest what does not practically act in the principle of 'give as you would like to receive' considering all life equally - and I realize the importance and necessity to be part of a group which is for Real Solution such as Equal Money System, Equal Life Foundation, Desteni I Process and I support the group as myself as all Life as purpose as manifesting Physical Heaven on Earth for all unconditionally within the realization of who I am as Life.

When and as I define entertainment as required for me I realize that it is for feeling as well therefore if I automatically move towards entertainment - I am not yet free as I am self-defined through and as energy towards words with I feel better myself by disregarding what is here as the physical, therefore I stop and I breathe through the need and want for feeling and I realize I can be relaxed, natural, absolutely myself while being active and directive without feelings and enjoy myself within self-honesty.

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