It is to realize that by stopping actually I do not mean forcing myself to stop within an image and likeness of 'what is best for all' by 'giving up' my dreams, desires, but within Self-investigation(what is by itself proves that I do not know who I am, how I've became who I do not know who am I), exploring Self-intimacy, Self-honesty I am realizing that all what I 'contain' as memories, motivations, desires, images and pictures and ideas of who I want to be or should be are based on Self-dishonesty, fear and are conditioned to energetic states of my mind, as induced by thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Many times it already happened: what I dreamed of and wanted so badly, by circumstances I did let it go and then it came and I got it - for instance several musical instruments - and then I've perceived myself as 'changed' and 'not interested that much anymore that to actually go for it' then it was just here and that also influenced me.
This whole spiritual agenda within what 'you just wish for it and be positive and the mind is a wish-making jewel, just if you are on your path, all your dreams will be fulfilled' - so then I've fallen into self-definition by this idea:
-to get something I do let it go and then it will come back anyways - and when it comes, it is 'mine' anyway and then I realize it is not really me, yet it is here, and still I react to it therefore it is of and as me anyways as energy relationship within my mind.
And then I tried to just 'let go things and then I will get it if I really let them go' - but that is completely changed already.
As this spiritual agenda was really for me like this: to find emptiness in everything is actually find the emptiness within me about everything, meaning all I had was not real, empty, made-up by thoughts, feelings, emotions but then those stopped, changed, then the thing I was on to find out it is 'empty' - my relationship with it in my mind - as it formed, it's gone - so all that part of me was then defined as 'empty'.
And that emptiness is not real, but defined by self's relationship so in a greater perspective it is obviously not empty, I am not empty but tainted, infested with the relationship to the definition of emptiness. Strange but it is not self-honest.
Because to say everything, everyone is empty: it is a definition - my stomach can be empty - but in relation to my mind - if I am empty ABOUT IT - I must be equal and one with it because there is no inner movement, no inner definition, judgment, feeling, nothing - so then I am undefined about it, I have no 'relationship' with it in and as the mind so I can be here as it is and be directly equal and one with it without the mind.
So then for me the 'emptiness' would mean as a definition to it's relationship to the mind what is kind of swampy area to explore if we are not using common sense, because if we do, certainly it is already a philosophical bullshitting instead of get real and be practical about it: I am here, if I am reacting, I am not here but of judgment, of past as Self-dishonesty because the already existing relationship within and as self, projected to the ob-sub-ject I experience myself reacting to.
So then the motivation within and as myself towards these relationships I form and create, maintain and participate within is who I am in and as the so to speak beingness of me: this I've realized quite some years ago as 'empty', 'illusion' - and therefore I was after some methodologies, ways to manifest and stabilize this realization simply by remaining undefined, aware of the breath etc.
That is being offered by many these spiritual agendas, many -ism, who claim they have this practical knowledge to forge manifested realizations by this seed of awareness of 'emptiness' within ourselves however after doing some Desteni Education one can easily pick up the lack of common sense, the nonsense and contradiction within these 'teachings'.
I used to enjoy a video 'the guru hunter' who goes to India and does this 'demon hunt' from screwed women from who he pulls the demon out and does tricks like blood comes from eggs etc then everyone believes him and after it he exposes himself as trick-con-man doing simple tricks what uneducated people sees as magic.
So anyone wants to become able to expose illusion, con-men, lame gurus and false masters should join Desteni Courses as within walking that one can unlearn the fog of mind and learn common sense and Self-honesty and explore what is real, what is possible and what would be the practical solutions which is in fact mathematically could be proven as what is best for all.
As long I do not understand how my motivations, desires, dreams are ticking within me - I am just a reaction machine to outer circumstances.
Weaknesses I call these however within being Self-honest and to write down these and see them in front of myself and acknowledging - I am already one step ahead to stop the self-automation by starting to have QUESTIONS: WHY am I reacting to this with that?
What is this energy what motivates me, within me?
And then I realize that was based on a memory, an experience, wherein I had so much energies running through my mind and body and that the mind measures, takes samples, stores it with relationship to words, pictures, memories and then layer by layer, condition by condition, reaction by reaction, definition by definition: Personality has born, Character was born, EGO was created as this idea of Self, a religion within believing and fear from losing is actually me and from the energy motivation I FEEL - the same way it FEELS as me, I feel right to have human right to actually have believing within me and who I perceive myself to be but when I start to apply the Desteni tools, Self-honesty, writing, Self-forgiveness and walk what comes next to See, Realize, Forgive, I explore what I am accepting and allowing - then common sense is to stop, as it is of systems, all of systems we have became and then by this - as it is a skill, anyone who can deal with the simple math of 1+1=2 can walk Self-honesty and accumulate Self-realization.
So then I do not 'give away', 'let go' my 'desires' and I do not 'see and define' myself and my relationships as 'empty' and then I do not resign, renounce, but I simply realize it was never really me, the whole starting point, the reaction, the automation, the physical beingness I've formed about it was not who I really am, therefore it is simply common sense to stop.
And if there is force to stop, like - I want to have that thing or this woman but I know it is not right yet I am compelled to almost do what I know I should not and then I force myself to stop: it is still not Self-honesty - it is self-manipulation by the very thing I want to realize as not myself but still holding to: energy.
So then when it is natural, disciplined(because at times requires, for instance with addictions) to put my discipline, focus, the motivation to the experience where I see that I am being tempted with - with Self-dishonesty then I realize the motivation what I am still being defined is not really me, so then I re-define motivation, re-define myself based on the fact that I am in and as a reality wherein there are billions, trillions of beings where if my motivation does not include all what is here, I am separated from what is here, I am separated from myself, so then I motivate myself by practically considering in and as this very situation I am currently: What is best for all?
For instance when facing sexual desire - just to have somebody to have sex with, to have somebody to get physical, to let go this energetic compound of 'need to have sex to release this tension, to let go of stress' etc - then what would be best for all? To let go this energy somehow? Or considering to PREVENT it to manifest?
To even consider how and why in the first place I've created this 'need', 'desire'? And not if that is 'bad idea' to have a partner to do physical tenderness without limit but with what starting point for what result?
To just get steam off and feel good and have satisfaction? If there is someone who can agree with it and finds comfortable, why not? Why don't just then do it and have awesome experience with someone and when both feeling FANTASTIC, then coming along, be together and do it as it is good for both, then should be then: best for all!
Well, I would not stop here and continuing self-realization to is this enough, what do I expect from my partner and what I actually give and what would be the really best for her? Well, for me it could not mean just to please each other, especially when seeing that it is just for feelings, what are self-created, energetic mind-entities in order to compensate the harshness of physical reality within what many of us directly being abused, destroyed meanwhile many-many people are 'just feel good' together and say 'we are in love, alright, we feel good about each other, everyone should do the same, it's awesome!' - meanwhile many are even unable to drink water enough to remain alive.
So then the Self-honesty would mean to see priorities: what is more important, my feelings, and my partner's feelings about my feelings, or to actually head on reality and investigate practical solutions.
Well within Self-honesty it is also obvious that solutions for all from where we, as humanity stand today, then one might consider her/his location today currently and where is the stability point that to actually remain effective, meanwhile to be with someone, yet not just in a bubble of self-interest feel of love about the partner, family, mates - which obviously seems logical as priority, especially to parents - who are little gods for their kids.
But the responsibility is not ends here, and one can expand within Awareness and Responsibility, oneself, family, friends, country, the planet, existence - and if one finds out that at this moment have the capacity to take care only about the money what is required for family to eat properly - well that's it but within Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness, Self-change one can change reality.
So then to find the balance and equality within all aspects of ourselves and life without having stressed, but not mind-blessed with energy as addicted to feel good - it is already a tough challenge in this current human system.
So then I check motivation, I check reactions, I check my location and I re-align if I see I am not who I want to be and if I do not understand, if I am confused, if I am unsure, I sit down and write it out all with no judgment, no fear to see what I am accepting and allowing - and then I see what must be done, stopped, removed from me, especially the addiction towards feel good because there is something within already for needing this, it's like an inherent, self-accepted nature of myself of by default feeling bad for needing to feel good more than by default.
And then I investigate, I share - this is not who I really am, only currently, maybe today - and then I change.
I have this energy moving within what tries to direct me to go and just form sexual relationship with someone, I do not accept this as myself, I do not really want to just have sex with someone just because I have this urge to do sex - because if I see myself - I not just want sex, I want care, equality, support, agreement - so then to just go out and have sex - will not be this, well, maybe, but highly unlikely.
So then I face the next question how to establish effective agreement with somebody, am I ready for that? I had this for years 'feeling' 'I am not ready' - and then overwhelmed by sexual desire towards images, pictures, mostly induced by porn and movie industry - I was like, I am ready, I should do it meanwhile all what I've formed with different individuals had the starting point of what moved towards it.
And it is still not 'bad' - but if I know it, I should be aware of what it will become, as starting point, consequence - and then anticipate and see - do I have agreement with myself first about it? And then can I agree with somebody on it which can be practical in this 3d physical world? That is common sense.
My relationship was around this sex thing what is cool however I tried to pretend it is not and when there were sexual temptations I was shaking(not physically, but as standing within agreement) because of that - so then by walking Agreement Course I have realized, still realizing what is my starting point, what do I really want, not just energy, and consequence of relationship with motivation and energy manifested as sexual desire, but actually what I would really want if I would be free of energy motivations moving me temporary. So then I have realized so much already what I do not want - which is at least equally important to what I want - and then to say no to that it is not that hard anymore. Because feeling of energy will not last - I want consistency which is not of energy for sure as energy is of conditions, definitions, feelings, what is self-interest if not considering all life.
Even when it is about a one night stand with somebody who even is a beautiful woman but for what I really want, not just energy fix, it is not who I really am, so to say no is not like 'very hard' if I can consider more than my feelings only. I do not say one night stands and spontaneous stuff is bad, I do not define it - if I participate, then I participate - some say I should - some say I should not - for me for quick fix it could work, as it did some times, but for long term I rather walk Self-forgiveness and stop the energetic mind for long term, that is my fix and then the more I do, the more I am able to see more far than my energetic mind, even supporting others as myself as equal as one.
That is what I wanted to share around, as the comments in the previous post: that when I realize what moves me is not really me, to let go is not uneasy - when it is uneasy, it is still the journey of understanding what I have allowed myself to became, even when I am already aware of what must be done, manifested, stabilized, such as not thinking when I wake up, not thinking when I take a shower, not thinking while considering my days ahead, not thinking while going to work, definitely not thinking while working, speaking with others, but directly be here, honest, expressing every detail of my beingness what is in the moment and having the direct presence here, with others, with reality, not in the mind, not through thoughts, definitions, concerns, fears, desires, pictures - those are the past -- sometimes cool to look back and have a retrospective review of myself and see who I am here, but while in and as the day, in action - there is no place of inner judgments.
And when it is 'feels like' physically compelled to react, then it is already physically manifested as systems as physical mind, then it is to accumulate Self-direction to stand equal and one with and as Self here and to Breathe, to Stop, to not participate and let it go in every moment, while thoughts arise: those are the signs of inner separation - and in this phase of stopping - I am becoming more and more here, back to reality, wherein each moment actually is and thinking is in the secret room, while action is physical.
It's like a kung fu, or commando or plane pilot thing: if you think for a second, so much things happen in that second that even for reacting to one thought: you are completely out of context, of moment, of flow of presence, consistent awareness and the consequence is always accumulates.
So that is my point today, to do not stop investigating reasons, starting points, WHY-s until it is clear what I want, is this aligned with 'What is best for all?' because otherwise inner reactions will arise and that is the sign of Self-dishonesty.
----
My reaction after 6 seconds writing this down in one session:
-shall I review it, shall I re-read it, what if there is typo, what if my English made me write something what is not even understandable, what if I wrote too much gossip and not direct Self-support?
Well then it is not a thought either - I push it here, everything is here - myself and the keyboard, the screen, physical, I am here - and then this 'space of thoughts' become the space of 'reality' meanwhile I am empty.
So then I forgive myself that I have this inner reactions, what I pushed here and yet still energy moves within - and then I must say that I know how good it feels this energy, after long years of mind-blowing drugs and lots mind sex I know, when this energy moves can feel so right - but within Self-honesty - there is difference when this energy is in fact fear - sophisticated separation from physical, from body, from self is this energy and the very reason of separation from here is fear, so this energy that's why feels good, easy joy, self-made up, the greatest con-science, our own Mind-Consciousness as we are able to program our own mind with words and reactions to these in relationship to anything to just feel good, see the rapist, the abuser, the sadist: they all say: it feels good, based on thoughts, mind.
And then there is a second layer, by these writings there is some energy moving, around solar plexus - suppression, automatic reaction - that is also me - that is also significant, that I am not even entirely aware: that is manifested fear what must be investigated. As this energy also will compound. And the personality I've formed and created by learning from others, parents, school, media is how I deal with energy: doing sex to release, doing drugs to charge out, having sport, doing more job, spending money or whatever the person had formed with energy and to deal with, produce, have relationship with feelings, energy: is what must be in relation to practical understanding and effective accumulation towards What is Best for All.
So then there is what Bernard wrote about personal process, to deal with inner energies of mind, of feelings, of self-stability, then head on and deal with interpersonal as agreements with partner, others, family, workspace - and then there is the universal process: wherein facing world-wide systems of energy, such as economics, politics, military, environmental, animal kingdom, ecology, the whole planet - that is another level of energy and all in are equal and one relationship therefore in every moment one is aligned with the Principle of 'Give as you would like to receive' - then it is What is best for all - and when is not then there is a problem, energy compounds, what cause friction, conflict, abuse, destruction on personal, interpersonal, universal level on the same mathematical equation what is always 'counts': 1+1=2.
That is why here we promote Effective Solutions as Equal Money, Living Income Guaranteed, what could be pretty common sense, meaning being able to sensed, felt commonly in a very practical way of and as the principle of 'No Man Left Behind' as Thou Shalt Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself.
And remember: this should be pretty obvious and if it is not, then you are not able to apply Common Sense, therefore remediation, re-education, unlearning, re-aligning is required which is also provided by Destonians who already realized what is really the priority, not based on feelings of self-interest only but of all's interest:
- Desteni I Process Lite, to learn to change and trust Self-honesty as Life as ourselves
- Desteni I Process Pro for the ones who are dedicated to be responsible for Education, Leadership
- Desteni I Process Agreement Course to find out what is Agreement with Self, with Partner and those who are effective within it since decades have built this course to share their realizations within walkable lessons to realize what we really want and why we really want to become
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