Before visiting the farm, I had a dream, wherein meeting Bernard, seeing rooms wherein on the walls there are drawings, explanations, like structures, designs, informations from dimensions, like 'the desteni plan' and I had him already laughing with his ass off in my dream dimensions and I was not sure how real that was however when we I arrived at the farm, he welcomed me, hugged me, then we had a walk.
He seemed as a very calm, kind elder man, normal, extremely normal except looking like a real demon hunter as I could imagine one in movies who is just finished his job today and likes to greet people at his demon-hunting ranch. Lol just kidding. So. We walk. Guest house, studio house, shed, stables, main house. Similar as where I've grown up. Plus a pool(mostly for dogs).
I've seen the rooms where they work, even a drawing board, writings on wall similar as in my dream so I was somehow comfortable. We talked as walking around the farm and at a point we laughed quite some on how we in existence have fucked up ourselves to what degree and within that big laugh together it was obvious that this guy is me, no separation, no limitation.
Not very much we communicated while I was at the farm but when we did(that shows my relationship with my Self in that time), mostly he talked to me and every single word had real sense what I am still 'walking' into practical application in terms of support, realizations, insights.
"BREATHING IS NOT ENOUGH, MR. BERTA! I WANT TO HEAR YOU SHOUT, ACT!"
He was very kind with me all the time, once came to me and gave me figs and local fruits and other cool stuff to eat and I've noticed how much he enjoys to actually make me feel great by eating these things I always loved.
I could write these stories how I had time with him but I do not see that much relevant here - I had some issues with him in terms of not much I've talked with him, did not ask much, I was always pretty sure that I should not accept anything less from myself than who he express himself to be and in a way that formed a block in me to directly contact and ask him as I perceived these things as irrelevant in terms of 'just walk as he did and be as real as him'.
In the beginning around 2007 at the forum, I remember after 3 weeks doing Self-forgiveness and started to do 4 count breaths, I wrote to him that "well, this process does not quite immediate, this will take longer than I anticipated, this mind is still here" and he lolled at me.
When I asked irrelevant questions; from Bernard, from Jack, from Sunette, I just got that 'you will find out study and apply the material' and eventually did - so I realized all I should do, walk, be here now, I should stand up myself.
This has been my strongest gift and greatest curse as well - doing myself things and even when required, not asking for assistance, the lone wolf syndrome - and justifying with 'but if I do it by myself, that would be the only real, really me, even stronger than with others, so then in any existence in any life I could reproduce it if needed, so then that would mean I am standing as any and all existence' - and now I understand, it is not me who I walk, but who I walk out from as existence as Bernard is as well: is existence, as Portal is existence, as Desteni is existence, is Self-honesty, is Equality as the Living Words is existence as each human can be capable of if applying the tools, dedication, motivation and common sense constantly.
I've met with shamans, priests, lamas, gurus, rimpoches, masters, successful businessmen, magic men jugglers, martial arts pros, outstanding scientists but that confidence, the softness, the firmness, that stability and presence of Bernard was like comparing a mosquito's shit with mountain Fuji. He was completely off energy, but direct physical sound expression with what one could perceive him as magician, enlighted, god-like presence but with tender from which if was required - direct thunder came but only with the specific force what was required for the supported one to let go energy and realize and understand the Self-dishonesty.
I heard him shouting and it was not anger, it was sound so intense I had to remind myself it is not towards me however with and for what I reacted to it: was me as Self-dishonesty, so that was eventually for me as well. That was strange to realize, to remember, to stand.
I heard and saw him playing with dogs, it was not love, it was sound - more direct than we perceive the words with what we accept ourselves to describe these kind of things.
And the relevant things he did I only read but made sense - the articles, Process, the removal of White Light, the Forgiveness of Demon dimensions and Mykey's story of him, It is beyond that any human mind can comprehend.
In the first group chats I was really shocked how effective he was able to handle these things and were able to support dozens of people within their self-realizations even through some words, sentences.
I am quite aware how this whole story sounds especially for those who are not familiar with Desteni or with me, but I write this for long term regardless of time, right here and I am sure in one thing: anyone who separates Desteni group, Bernard, him, his work, his expression, his beingness from and as Self: Self-forgiveness is required as he was not a person but a Principle, Life itself, Universe in and as the human physical body what we all are capable of, therefore I do not accept anything less than who I really am as Bernard suggested to walk as principled equals every day.
When I heard the fact that he is dead, I had quite some of shame for what I have not yet transcended within me and how 'faster' my process could be if I could push myself at points when I allowed myself to give into the temptation of entertainment, self-interest, fear - but this shame is not for remain shameful but to remind me what I must transcend right here in this very moment, each moment.
I also had reaction like I will not meet with him again as he told me he could show stuff later but that made more stronger the support what he unconditionally gave already and that I commit myself to give to others as well unconditionally.
Because when the moment comes: I want to die well, no shame for anything I am or this existence is as myself.
And that is why I stand for Heaven on Earth, World Equality, Equal Money System, Equal Life, Living Income, because that is the only way for me to manifest these to be who I really am and who Bernard stands as Principle here and hereafter.
Because if we see the current system, as it is today, as 'norms' are built - I do not give a damn to norms, even if 'heaven' sounds as religions, even if 'forgiveness' sounds like Jesuit, even if equality sounds communistic - I am absolutely clear that how these things really are as very possible way outs from this systematic hell we are within and Heaven is when every living form is practically respected Equally and on Earth is the real deal, all others are just imaginations, mindfuck, not real, so I challenge anyone who has some smart ass, any love or enlighted feelings or claimed realizations to then support what Desteni stands for.
Do not see Desteni as individuals but see the words, the principles, the action it stands for - and investigate - and investigate with common sense and investigate within self-honesty and realize: any reaction within: is not Desteni, it is you, so Desteni is supporting you already to show what you are responsible for without even be aware, directive.
Thank you very much!