Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Fear, information forgiveness

I forgive myself that I still have diarrhoea.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear and that fear like diarrhoeing irritation occurs.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I still have that gooseskin feeling by memories coming up in my solar plexus, what is just fear. Fear from facing myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that as I am writing about my drug expreiences as coming up that fear also manifesting, but in a form of encoded, like prickling around in my trunk, like decoded thought information systems. Those are not me. I forgive theese for myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for enjoy, as theese feelings waving around in my body, totally determinating, totally influencing, totally depending on them.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that to experience those feelings so joyfully, like an orgasm – not realizing that by this I am becoming the slave of them and dependent on them.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I developed my dishonesty to a great extent, like decomposing those I enjoyed that as the feeling is moving around in my body – what is just information, data from past, decoded fear, what keeps me in prison, influences me and controls. I delete those.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that as I am writing this, as I am deleting that, I feel pain in my hip. I delete. I forgive myself, that I accepted and allowed myself to still experiencing that encoded fear-thought information system as I am translating this sentence to english. I delete. I am facing with ALL my fear. I am me as me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not be aware about feelings, just only for that those prickling, energy-dataflows, whose are not me. I delete that.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I wanted to delete trough experiencing those. It is not working like that. Instead of I am breathing as I am breath and I am in moment as moment.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I supressed myself, for not needing to face with my fears, what are just me, myself, but not yet awaken to be aware of them.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed no still be that what about I am writing, still forgeting that I am breath as breath as me as me as life. Inbreath i am, outbreath I am. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react for those feelings, as that feelings are already just reactions for some memory. I delete them.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe, I can escape from myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I did not wanted to face with myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that for fear from fear, what is just information. The fear is not me. I am life. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that fearing from myself so extensibly that that much fear, as many information, as mind, influenced my inner core of being, so much, for not being albe to remember what were those fears, and now I am just experiencing those results. I open myself. I am opennes, I am opened.

I forgive myself that I became mind consciousness system. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself that I became programmable. Now I am deprogramming myself. I am life, I do not need programs anymore, no need to experience to experience myself as program. That program, what I’ve became, now I am stopping. The program, what is my mind, what is my imprinting, what I’ve stuck into, what I hide behind of, which I separated myself from myself, what is onness and eqality : STOPS. I stop as mind. I stop as creation, I stop as program. No other way, I do not care any other way, I wont change in that, until it is done, until totally and finally my mind stops. Because I am not my mind, my mind is my own trap.

I do not want other, just to be me as onness and equality, me, as as me, as breath, as life, to be equal with and one with everything.

I forgive myself that I did not realized that the onness and equality is the basic principle, just in my self-dishonesty I did not wanted to experience that, because in mind I became mind, whch in just like data, information I exists, and I was afraid from that as I experience in onness and equality, I could be influenced, determined, lost by that what I could experience – not realizing that I am me as me, what is infinite and invulnerable – not realizing that the mind itself what is being influenced, that is what is not existing, not moving without data and information flowing – by this I became the mind, what was scaref rom that what is now gripping, that could be lost by becoming all as one as equal. That fear is not me, I delete that.

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