[JTL 41] Self-forgiveness: death

Self forgiveness on my previous blog post:

• [JTL 40] Life or death is human right?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from death because it is unknown and who I've defined myself to be would be no more.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware of myself fearing from death directly and suppressing it into and as some sort of emotion balanced out with a feeling and suppressed into and as my human physical body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about death and not realizing that thinking about it does not mean anything because thinking is within the box and death is outside the box of thinking.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself as human and all humans for what is what we are as living and aging and dieing and never considering that this is a consequence what is the result of acceptance and allowance happening since quite long time.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that blame and projection of responsibility is never the solution but the justification and excuse for myself here not standing up and doing what is obviously required so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that my duty is to feel all right, to feel good, to feel cool.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from touching a dead person about finding out that is he/she maybe really dead and then being reminded that this is what is inevitable for me and then fearing from reacting with fear what then would not be me to make possible to feel good, alright because it is a contradiction that all I ever build and experience will be gone and nothing will remain of who I am here now.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my family for wanting to keep me realizing before growing up that I will certainly die regardless of anything and then that would make me mad or crazy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust my family within anything really because they apparently do not make sense with all the pursuit of avoiding suffering and wanting to have good feelings meanwhile death will certainly end it and it's like it is decided by something beyond them/us that how long we live and then it is happening to us beyond our comprehension, our power and direction and that feeling wrong.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to how my sister defined me once as a strange man who always things about death and then defining myself as so and by that defining myself as different than others because really thinking about the one thing what all others avoid thinking because apparently it is not good, bad, uncool and fearful.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that all my thoughts are limited based on my previous experiences based on my family, my readings, the movies I've watched, the experiences I've had - so it is a result of my past and it is irrelevant within experiencing the moment here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become disappointed and sad and depressed when found out that we all going to die just like my grand-grandpa who did not seem quite happy and believing that it is alright to be sad when someone dies.
I forgive myself that I have never ever questioned the feelings I experience within myself towards experiences and words and definitions and symbols, just like death, dieing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have associations to the word death without myself being aware of them and reacting to the word with reacting the associated words as well without me being aware of them or even considering to understand how it is so and why and what would mean to stop and what is beyond stopping my thoughts about death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive/define that I can have a chance to figure out my and others life and death by thinking, intensifying thinking and thinking more and faster and not realizing that the very manifestation of thought is indicating within that I am stopped as expression as physical and started to speed up as suppression of self-dishonesty manifested by and as thoughts as equal as one as myself within and as the mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge someone who wants to have suicide or who did suicide as fool and not realizing that my judgment is fear projected out and not being able to realize that I fear from facing death of someone who I've defined as I know her/him, who I've defined as value within my self-definition systems without even considering that it is based only and directly as self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to consider that what we are actually doing physically, really as humans and until personally I did not taste the hell within and myself physically - I never considered that it is not the best for all participants what we call as humanity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move only when experiencing inconvenience and pain and suffering directly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatize myself in a way which through I can remain within the self-accepted limitations meanwhile hoping that it might end one day without myself needing to face and realize and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing the fact that I am programmed to be as who I am and not being able to stop everything within in one breath, not even ten breaths but I must walk the unification of myself as purifying myself within a practical and consistent walk regardless of how much time it would 'take' - it is myself who I walk and time is irrelevant.

When and as I experience sadness regarding to death - someone's death who is dead or someone is going to die or someone might die - I realize that it is an already accepted relationship between words within myself who I've defined myself to be and that I react to and that charges the emotion of sadness within me what I can stop by slowing down and allowing myself to let go the definitions and remain empty within by disregarding the thoughts by regarding my physical presence as breathing.

When and as I judge someone for fearing from death - I realize I am projecting self-judgment towards somebody meanwhile I am reacting to death with fear and projecting it out and believing than it is alright if I blame somebody for expressing fear from death - instead of actually realizing what is going on within myself and allowing myself to be open to experience the other being without definitions.

When and as I think about death, my death, somebody's death - I realize it is about fear - fear from death - what I stop by living in every moment of my life within self-honesty to not needing to be ashamed when it is ending in a moment.

When and as I do not allow myself to explore self-honesty in every moment - I realize that my time is going out and without any reaction or fear or resonant association - I simply let go what is within me and use common sense.

When and as I am being defined by others as strange man because apparently not feel bad when facing death - I remain inner silent - it is not about what people define of me and how I react to it - but it is who I am in the moment as expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge institutional death-industry as fools for violating the reality of human's death by using it for religious and government purposes without people realizing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I want to expose the religious death-business as profitable business instead of directly doing so without suppressing it within fear from consequences of unknown.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to occupy myself within entertainment and energetic obsessions within myself when experiencing fear from death without even realizing it such as sexual desire and wanting to have good feelings instead of face an other level within myself and stop the self-accepted resonant fear from unknown levels of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my breath here while facing death or facing reasons of fear from death while losing presence by following reactions with thoughts, feelings, emotions instead of realizing that I am real as flesh presence within breathing action within common sense within the interest of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make rules within my life because of indirect consequences of fear of death and never questioning it because at one moment it server my apparent surviving and remained so meanwhile both I and circumstances changed yet I am automated into the same cycles without being aware of how and why I've did it in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to energetic movements within myself without questioning it and disregarding my human physical body unless the feelings are judged within as good.

I commit myself to stop being addicted to feel good and even to feel good stopping feeling good from what I've defined myself as feeling good from/towards it by the self-definition of self-delusion of freedom and not realizing that it is a cycle within energetic polarity systems.

I commit myself to investigate all fears I am facing and I commit myself to stop accepting myself existing within fear.

When and as I fear - I realize I fear from death as fear from not manifesting my desires therefore that is my fear that I can not fulfill my desires and that's causing me fear from death because then if I die all my purposes as fulfilling my desires will not be possible therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my desires and define circumstances according to my desires and my relationship with fear from not fulfilling my desires and die within that self-definition.

Self has been automatized by and as self-dishonesty manifesting personality what one can not see because by that perceives reality - the only way out from self-defined mind-reality superimposed into physical reality is by walking out with the compass of Self-honesty within practical Self-forgiveness by consistent writing.
That is a 7 years Journey to Life

Have a foundation of what is Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness, Self-intimacy at DIP LITE.