I re member
I rem embedd
I started to discuss with the guy who I mentioned in my story, Bence, who we together did the acid experiments to find out truth and beyond death.
Interesting speakings...I said onneness and equality and no more separation and self-honesty, and he said endless consciousness and mantratantra and killing chickens to eat meat.
I said unification to one point as equal all to stop this hell on this planet and he said that is pathetic try, has begining and has end, so no need to concern.
I laughed much, and didnt think, I didnt use any knowledge from my secret, and he said I am going nowhere with this, and I said he is going nowhere with mantras, as that is deception.
I did put him into me as me as one as equal, and he said tomorrow continue.
And he said he experienced sometimes definitionlessness, and that point lost everything, so he does not anything now. But drinking alcohol when he can. I said the soberness is here and he asked why do you believe that desteni, what I sent to him and asked him to see to realize deception about HOM on white light and enlightenment and karma, but he didnt understand why I did that, he does not believe that girl can do that, and I said what would happen if I could do and he said well he wont believe but would make difference.
I am not scripting myself to drive conversations, but I use here, common sense, oneness and equality and giving up him, as definition as my manifested separated deception.
The lighters are really do not want to take response-ability. Just consciousness, and using complicated expressions about how is the mind, but not experiencing that, only in their logic once can go trough to be able to define something, and from that point using that as joker as axiom to anything to not consider anymore to use common sense.
Fear. Fear of loss, fear of facing self, fear of being honesty, fear of fear.
And I decepted him, there were some points in my past when I allowed his mind to go, and I observed him silently for hours as he was occupied and didnt invervened, didnt sayed anything.
I exactly saw his thoughts sometimes but I was on it is ok, so now he became those definitions.
I am facing self-response-inability as self-honesty.
I used him as a wall to hide, I used him as others as well to hide.
I did bath in their definitions what was reflection of me. My dishonesty.
And now it is just here. It is just here. I am this. And no sadness, a bit tendency to move, but fading, as I expose. I write about past.
Little things are also important. Oneness and equality. Every moment are one and equal.
I am doing theese Exposing Light/Spirituality/LSD videos, but I allowed myself to influence me with some thoughts, about that are not effective as I would be capable of.
But I am here. I am moving here. And this hereness is the key, not other.
Strange I have tendency to do something and just push myself to a direction and after just fly to that way, until it has the condition as was the starting point to move me to move me from shit...instead of realizing I AM MOVEMENT without condition, and that is not a question, not a condition, or a cause what makes me alive, but being HERE as self-honesty as breath as forgiving myself what I accepted and allowed as manifested fear and hiding.
Very simple. What I can give up or loose, that is not me. I remain.
I do not fear of loosing people who I was with. I do not accept any deception in me...I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to my kidness to not being aware of my dishonesty as divertion as fear.