Mind consciousness system.
This is very explanative about our mind's nature, I found it at a very low level of the webserver system at workplace what I work on...
Consciousness itself wrote a very specific article, what I am now putting into a text video and will read aloud : Consciousness - The Enslavement of Man by Consciousness
Humans are systems. H as the unification of the I of life essence and the I of consciousness and U is the unity of recycling system of enslavement. And now the consciousness is disappearing, all systems will broke apart, will fall, as actually falling, dissolving and no way to stop. It is inevitable as it has a begining and has an end. And here is a point where I started to explain this to him but he not get it...
I continued to to some discussion about truth with my friend who I was with when consumed psychedelics, and I had to realize that he just totally identified him with consciousness.
Interesting to hear back that what I was in some years ago, about there is no life, this is just a game of consciousness and the trick is to turn off mind and become this consciousness.
And when I asked about
oneness and equality he says that is the worst utopistic pathetic try what can hear from me after all what we were in together. LOL.
And it was interesting to see as he was trying to persuade me about I didnt get the point since from the begining, and I did not understood really the buddhism, as I still do not understand.
And this is a very example of that what spiritduality can fuck with people.
He is literally became a walking library(ok me too, but I realized that is my shit what I forgive unconditionally because of that fact I am not this), and using that as a triggered excuse-system at any possible transcendence points about there is nothing to do...just doing the mantra and listen the masters and nothing can change the rules. And he knows much, but too much... The breath here and self-forgiveness is too ridicoulous for him even to consider. And the word self-honesty is just seems he never understood, from the perspective that every single moment is the self-honesty of who I really am? This system or moment?
He is good slave. Maybe one of the best slaves.
But I was on that mindfuck: when we did the acid, sometimes he started to handle me as some kind of master and I just said no, and I game him buddhist books first time but I didnt said : well if you dont stop this shit, I will smash apart your head with and as your mind, noo..I just accepted and allowed his mind to run and I was about that ok he is doing, and I did not wanted to participate in his shit (because I was in my own shit of self-dishonesty), so now he is totally fucked.
He says eating meat as that is ok, drinking alcohol as that is the very part of his nature, and playing absolute agressive computer games and watching really silly tvseries all the time.
Even participating and maintaining a relationship for joy and fun and sex.
And when I say about many thousand children die every day, he comes the karma, about they deserved it, he is sure about that is not random, there is nothing to do with them...
The absolute prison.
And he often invite me to fun, and I say what I see what I realize, but simply just never understand that, and handles this - as me - just like a boy, and as I participate, sometimes very funny I feel this as a family stuff...
But if I would be absolute self-honestly honest with them and say everything what I can see as them as me as one as equal -- about their excuses, their enjoyments...for me those are became meaningless, simply just I realized I am not this. I dont like to see people eating meat and speaking about well, that is very good. I dont like to watch silly funny shit, I dont like to speak about spirituality, I dont like to speak about anything because every word what I speak, influences the whole world as one as equal as me. And that is not a game.
It is time to release him, as I was occupied with an idea about maybe he can understand, he can realize, but not now...now he chooses still to hide behind, until everything falls apart.
I said to him, about this is the END, but his mind consciousness system took absolute control upon the prisoned life essence and believing about this is neverending.
I also say I am I as self and he disagree, about there is no such thing as self.
I dared him to realize himself now, because there is nothing else that the moment...but actually he never experienced anything, except one thing: death. For one or two moments he experienced this end, this death, and as this system what he became, as experienced the stop but after RESTARTED - took the consequence about ok that is the unchangeable neverending story. That consciousness. But never was able to experience the consciousness systems to see how big mindfuck it is, just was enough to him to equate his mind polarity equation to release shit, and that were drugs, and now alcohol and sex to keep in balance the mind consciousness system.
I rather write this shit down then thinking about that, because some times I did and I just say enough. So now I write it down to see and transcend. I have to be absolute self-honesty..actually that is me...and I wanted to be like okeey, start slowly, and not being straight, but next time I will tell everything what he became as system as I see and what I saw and experienced with him also in the past...
And I said also as he is in constant fear, what he also disagreed, and I told him as he could see the truth, maybe would die in that moment literally or just run and scream and cry for hours, and he just laughed so after this I realized he is just simply not ready to face.
The attention is totally obsessed and posessed by this light shit...
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define that now he can understand and he can realize truth if I say to him.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use him as an excuse to not wake up unconditionally, no matter the cost to realize the truth.
So this conversations we finished. I wont participate about to argue with and about theese systems, until he do not read/see material at desteni, he has no chance to even understand the situation what he became...And obviously wont, as he dislike the whole stuff and gets angry of it and do not believe she is portal really...
I understood that he is the big stink in me about let go the past because he was a cool starting point for a while and still influencing me and he is really cool guy but now has became totally consumed by the system. Even a politician could use more common sense.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in drugs.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in spiritual lies.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am life as breath.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define him as an ally on my path.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is or I am a path.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define him as me as one, not realizing our mind conscious system is just the same kind, as all humans has this same kind of system what is now necessary to stop unconditionally.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use other people to put around me to be able to hide to not needing to face with "others" in this world directly.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not stand up and dissolve all definitions about me in people who I was with as friends.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to not realize that I am the directive principle of me.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to wanting to persuade him about oneness and equality just because my knowledge about this is "truth".
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not release him in my mind as a definied relationship to assist each other's mind consciousness systems, about "we know the spiritual truth we are on the right way to go to the light heaven" shit, by not realizing, or even questioning the Light about what if that is deception.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to not question the White Light about what if that is deception.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to define my perception about I am attracted to light, or I am attracted to dark, not realizing all the same: mind.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to massturbate as using my mind as literally rummaging in that shit and defining that as joy and not realizing that was the biggest deception: I was occupied in mind-definitions-shit and I definied to walk in and as that like joy as me, and not realizing that is the very nature of my formed, manifested self-lies what I couldnt leave.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to think that I need to expose spirituality, spiritual leaders and worshippers...instead of I just stop.
I stand up and next time when I meet with him, I will tell everything directly, no more strategy, no more fun, because as I say this I can release him, and as he will react in anykind of I can realize what a big shit I carried unnesessary what is simply not me but was tool to hide in fear.
I was fearful also to stand within the system alone because I was very dependent and I found him and I found buddhism and I merged both and theese 3 were connected as one system until I did not realize the deception and now I am here realized that I am not of theese but I am simply life as oneness and equality as breath.
So this is a point what I give up. And as I give up all my definitions, desires about him, this is the last column what was the basic foundation of my spiritual agenda. And now I forgive that, even the slightest participations...
What are more now atm, let's see...
The sexuality stuff is very cool to see the core, but I have to continue to put all that kind of experiences to front of me and now as I write it I already see, understand much from that but the details are very specific, in terms of what I have became at this moment trough those participations. So I will explain ALL sexual experiences and put to end that, because now I see how big occupator was/is that in my life...So Sexuality is interesting system in and as me what necessary to stop, and purify me...
Other issue is computer. As I sit front of computer, everything changes and that also goes back into my childhood, as I was about 9-10 years old when I started to use computers.
I am the source. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from that word: source.
I found a cool c++ compiler what can be easily use to fabricate computerprograms to assist me, as I will do a breath counter tool program to simply develop awareness while I am using computer ...for a while will be assistance...but first need some days/weeks to learn this...
Breath here. Waking up as breath as life.