[JTL 112] Waking up as moment as me - Part 3

I have some issues with my eye so I had to minimize my screen-staring time - however I do not stop stopping the mind.

Continuing on the last post of

• [JTL 110] Waking up in the morning as moment as me 
•  [JTL 111] Waking up as moment as me - Part 2

I used to use different techniques to deepen my inner silence and those were not equal and one as myself therefore I was bound to conditions. The very conditions I've defined myself with in terms of rooting myself into consistent stability within constant physical presence.
The deeper I 'feel' to 'experience' this silence - things come up and I have the tendency to react and by that reaction being occupied and by that occupation 'coming back to the surface' wherein I am busy reacting with and to: thoughts.

Herein referring 'deep' as silence and surface as conscious mind.

The starting point is not specific of this, the simplicity is prevailing within the polarity of 'superficial' versus 'profound' because no matter where I am in fact I am always 'here' within the realization and consideration of who I am as starting point and physical expression.

So by that I correct myself here to stop this polarity of 'deep silence' versus 'superficial noisiness' as both is of and as definition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I accept and allow thoughts during my day - it will be a pattern what will come back and as I've accepted it previously - if I do not change - I will accept it again.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that I have not fully, really explored what it means to practically not accepting thoughts as reactions within me during the day when facing something what I judge, react with instead of directly, silently, equal as one live.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I have defined/thought/accepted things and tools and methods and substances/stimulations/energies to silent myself within and living the relationship what I have accepted towards these to induce the experience of silence.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that what I 'let there' within my mind - it will not disappear by itself unless I stop it and remove and correct myself not reacting the same way.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within breathing I have developed a method by thinking being aware of the breath meanwhile thinking and feeling like focusing on breathing and in fact thinking and controlling breath.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be absolutely specific to thought patterns, each to see what is the starting point, reason, the specific fear I go into it and learn how to practically decompose and remember to PREVENT it when it comes again.

I forgive myself that I have never realized the simplicity within Self-honesty to see what I am accepting and allowing within and taking granted what is within as it is who I am and never questioning it every time when I am not fully aware to the utmost degree of what I am doing, how I am feeling, why I am thinking.

I forgive myself that I have not realized why and when I go into thinking according to what exactly I do with my human physical body and reckoning the patterns I go into the mind while stimulating it with those specific body postures, movements.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize why I exactly fear from facing and correcting myself with the points I think about and not realizing that I am completely able to overcome the fear and face it and let it go if I use the tools of consistent writing, Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness, breathing within physical presence, Self-correction and Self-commitments step by step.

When and as I notice a thought - I realize until I correct the reason and fear as self-dishonesty it means in physical - it will remain as myself as creation as separated from me in and as the mind as thought.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that until I do not correct physically the reason, the fear as Self-dishonesty the thought means - it will remain as myself as creation as separated from me in and as the mind as thought.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that correcting physically a thought means standing within the understanding how and why it's been created and live correction to not fall into the energetic temptation of the mind again and remain stable, consistent within the decision of Self-correction.

When and as I do not realize I am thinking - I realize I must be thinking that's why I am not aware of am I thinking or not - therefore I slow down, and stop within - and I breathe.

When and as I am stopping and breathing here - I realize it is nothing to be judged, fear, think - I stop participate within polarity of the mind defining that I am deep in silence or I am at the surface - I am here, I am present, I disregard thoughts within the understanding how and why they come.

When and as I think of things - I realize I fear not being able to deal with it or fear from forgetting or fear from making a mistake or fear from consequence or fear from who I am and what I will manifest - I slow down - I stop - I breathe and I realize I am here - there here-ness I am and I trust myself here and if I mistake - I do not judge, I correct myself, I forgive myself, I learn, I change, I live unconditionally.

When and as I fear from making a mistake - I realize I am not the mistake and I do not require to define myself by mistakes - but take responsibility and consider consequences within common sense and trust myself and see what comes up in regards to doubt and specifically forgive, let go that and expand within self-trust breath by breath.

When and as I think about women - I realize it is fear and desire and I stop it and I realize - I act rather than react - there is nothing to be fear from and there is nothing to be desired - I am expression here.

When and as I experience devotion, desire I realize it is from energy of mind - it is not myself - I am letting go desire and use common sense and let go all definition-based judgments what cause me to feel lacking and not acting and not question the feelings within Self-honesty.

When and as I think about money - I slow down and I consider facts and I use common sense and I realize fear and worry does not assist and feeling good about having money is the same as worry not having - distraction from here within polarity according to fear or the equation to fear therefore I stop, I breathe, I let it go unconditionally.

I commit myself to stop all thoughts coming up in my mind and directly be here and trust myself to not need to have a reaction/inner dialogue/backchat to judge/define/tell me what is happening, who I am, who I must be.

I commit myself to not accept any thoughts by default and I commit myself to not trust thoughts as myself but realize that it is a consequence of previously accepted separation from what is here.

I commit myself to stop defining silence within based on polarity and realizing I am here within presence or not and there is no middle ground - and the compass is Self-honesty and physical breathing.

[JTL 111] Waking up as moment as me - Part 2

Continuing on

• [JTL 110] Waking up in the morning as moment as me

Investigating what thoughts come up and the position lying in the bed what brings up.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think when I wake up in the bed about the women who rejected me and think about women I've rejected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret that I have been rejected by others and I have rejected others within not being absolutely sure as my decision and thinking about possibilities as 'what if' within hope and not realizing hope is against action, against common sense and not practical, not real and within the energy reaction towards the images towards hope I am disregarding what is here and escape who I am in and as physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think when I wake up about the job parts at my workplace I have to do, solve and in fact those are areas what I am not experienced, comfortable and judged as complication and difficult and boring and by those relationship feeling heaviness and resistance.

I forgive myself that I have not realized when I go into thinking when I wake up in my bed and speeding up within my head already, by default without being aware of my human physical body here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I am disregarding my physical presence when I wake up in the morning and I think about things I am not absolutely sure about.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize/see/understand why exactly I allow a specific thought-pattern in the morning when I wake up and not act immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define as good when I wake up in the morning and I can stay in bed and think-about, and not realizing that I am not just 'wake up and be here' but actually I am imagining, reacting to what is already gone and based on that projecting images towards my perceived future and reacting to that according to who I've defined myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I wake up I am not moment as me as Life but as consciousness systems programmed to be stimulated by the circumstance of I am in the bed after waking up regarding to what happened with me before.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within thinking in the bed when I wake up - I am responsible for becoming tired because tiredness is already existing within and as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not having energy to wake up in the morning if I do not participate within the thoughts of mind, the feelings of mind, the emotions of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/define/believe that fear gives me energy to face things and overcome tiredness and dullness and using it as a motivation and not realizing that fear is of consciousness and not Life as fear, specifically fear in the bed to face something today is of and as the mind - not real, not here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use desires and positive energy reacting to the desire to use to fuel me, to energize me, to move me, to motivate me and not realizing that this energy is same as fear - that without it I can not be moved, motivated, energized, fueled within the belief of energy of mind who I've defined myself to be by the relationships between words and my reactions toward those words.

I forgive myself that I have not realized when I wake up that the reality of me is here breathing as the physical and disregarding this presence is disregarding who I really am as equal as one reflection that I do not trust myself here, I do not trust in what is here, what is here because I trust opinion, definition, relationship of mind consciousness, which is of energy.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the only energy I require is physical energy, to sleep, to rest, to eat, to drink and any other energy is of and for feelings as the mind consciousness system which is the layer through I am separating myself from being directly here in all moments with and as all what is here equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from face the fact that without energy I am nothing, nobody and I defined myself untrustworthy without energy therefore the fear from lack of energy kicks in and moves me towards reaction within the mind to have energy and the solution is to slow down and say NO, NO, NO to each inner movement, regardless of how small that movement is - I say, do and stand as STOP and I breathe and I direct myself within disregarding the strive for energy of reaction, I stop reaction, I remain here, I breathe.

When and as I wake up in the morning - I am becoming aware of my human physical body - I am here as breath, I am here as my hands, feet, toes, my head, I am calm, relaxed, I am able to remain empty, stable without thoughts, energy.

When and as I think about something in the bed in the morning - I stop it and I remain empty - I let it go - and I am breathing and within each breath I observe, notice, direct myself to see becoming empty, feeling the body, feeling this emptiness as myself undefined.

When and as I would feel to becoming excited from the awareness of being empty naturally and deepening this presence - I remain calm, relaxed and I let go excitement, I let go any definition and need to react how much I am present, empty, clear - I am simply here within consistency.

When and as I think about something in the bed in the morning - I stop it and I remain empty - I let it go - and I am breathing and within each breath I am more and more aware of my human physical body.

When and as I have a specific reaction within my mind based on a posture within and as my human physical body - I see it, I realize the starting point, the self-dishonesty and I breathe, I let it go and within understanding I correct myself physically to not react automatically based on the physical posture - stimulation - programming - automation.

I commit myself to allow myself to remain here, calm, relaxed and empty, silent without fear, without excitement and investigate and correct each thought pattern one by one until I am here within consistency.

I commit myself to develop a constant, stable physical presence and see, realize, understand and stop each automation arising within physical participation and stopping each and deleting all parts of mind personality and allow myself to trust myself in and as the moment without trusting something what is separate from me in terms of not being aware of.

I commit myself to share my process of physical self-realization through Self-forgiveness within Self-honesty how I am practically stopping all thoughts of mind of separation with common sense.

I commit myself to return to my breath, each breath, unconditionally, constantly, consistently and not stopping correcting my physical until I am fully here as breath as Life.

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[JTL 110] Waking up in the morning as moment as me

"I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to wake up in the morning as the breath as me as the moment as me."

That was a relevant moment in my life realizing the importance of

• Self-forgiveness on Sleeping shared by Jack.

That is quite a milestone for self-realization to acknowledge the importance to wake up as clear mind as possible - to start with clean, blank state - no thoughts, no worry, no fear - more practically: no internal echo, dialogue, monologue, words spiraling around within - especially through the process of waking.

For that to realize why it is required to write daily to let go the last day and solve everything possible IN THE HEAD.

The resting will be more effective, the sleep will be more healing, regenerating and of course the waking process for the next day: as to say: innocent birthing for tomorrow is not something too far fetched to disregard in terms of PREVENTING confusion, anxiety, worry and ineffectiveness; more obviously: more calm, relaxed, stable and PRESENT participation within what is relevant, -the reality shared with all others: physical.

The waking process itself I always find fascinating, as I come to alive as who I have accumulated to accept to be as myself the days before - so in a way as I wake up is the result of my past - that then make sense to release and let go inner conflicts to embrace the next day as directly as possible without the noise of the thoughts, feelings, emotions.

Also I've noticed how accumulates the Self-forgiveness within deepening the understanding of how I have accepted and allowed thoughts to drive, entertain, stimulate me and fuel my personality of mind which is a layer between direct reality and my beingness referred as perceived separation which can and should be investigated as it is not a simple thing, not something what can be just 'realized' in a moment but the physical body's behavior has been literally became the carrier of this layer's starting point's as personality, character, and by external stimulus it can be automatic and that can be changed - not circumstances, family, school, media create me - I stop that step by step and I create myself - I am already created, I am already creation - so walking backwards within understanding is required to exactly know the WHY and HOW and by that becoming able to DECIDE to STOP it as who I have became and it is very practical to investigate thoughts, the waking process and the experience when nothing is moving within but acting within Self-trust without any perceived separation from what is here as ourselves.

Therefore I walk some Self-forgiveness each day what comes up at waking process as thoughts - as the reflection of what I experience myself separated, perceiving as problems, issues within what I do not trust myself unconditionally, consistently, naturally that I can take, direct, solve without any fear - as what is thought but drop the constant physical presence and by that freezing the constant expression as acting, speaking, writing, inner silence - that's why comes up within the inner reflection, feedback system: that is not the real deal - that is my personal reflection - the result of my perceived separation's starting point - so I have to understand if first - not just react to that thought, worry, anxiety by default - as 'my perceived' default might not be what is really best for me, best for all - and awareness starts with being able to consider that, constantly.

What worried about this before the most, that when I will have my 'fun', 'entertainment' and 'joy' and the more I walk the 7 years of Journey to Life, I realize more and more that the previously perceived 'entertainment', 'joy, 'fun' was mostly a second level occupation for covering the facts, that I am accepting myself being separated from my true beingness, what is directly here, as body, as physical, as all, as substance.

One can re-define fun, joy, entertainment what still can be enjoyable, but what matters most is the starting point as who I am within this particular expression and how and why I am doing it and is it direct joy without any reason of dishonesty?

Parents and schools do not teach this to be aware of, therefore we are where we are here as human society and that's why it is never too late to 're-educate' ourselves with the starting point of LIFE, not as energy, love as these are merely bandaids for the already existing problems - and then love can become life, energy can be equally available for all and that can be supported physically, within this current system: politically - there is nothing what from we can separate ourselves in this existence what for we should not take responsibility for - as one starts stopping the thoughts within understanding and self-correction through applying Self-forgiveness - the limits will not stop, the whole existence is in fact Self.

That can be quite shocking when starts coming in - in terms of realizing responsibility and consequences of even one thought or deed  - disregarding one breath while acting based on reaction what was passed through the generations before ourselves - but to consider the generations to come, the children to come as who they really are as ourselves: it is more and more real and for that it is imperative to realize that not becoming the 'savior syndrome' and taking huge things onto our shoulder but to realize this: for me it took years, I know but the sooner one starts to grasp, the better:

to stand as all as one as equal as individual self within oneness and equality

and myself being responsible for my internal system, my direct external system while consider the whole system and with simple principles applying ensuring the greater, measurable good:

• do onto others what you would like to receive
• thy love your neighbor as thyself
• what is best for the one is what is best for all

So within applying the simple tools one can realize that first to stop the thought cycles of conscious mind is relevant, possible and already a responsibility for each.

So I write and say Self-forgiveness on waking up as moment as me, breath as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not wake up in the morning as moment as me, as breath as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when I am thinking is still the dream sequence and letting it 'flow through' and then not realizing that I am here already but focusing to the thoughts and then another thoughts and then another thoughts and not realizing that I am allowing the thoughts instead of simply stop and breathe and act and wake up physically.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within thinking I am disregarding my body, my breath, my direct self-trust here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry in the morning in the bed about things I did not do yesterday or the things I have to do today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from facing consequences today of what I have done yesterday or what I have not done yesterday.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from doing something today or fear from not doing something today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that the same will happen as yesterday or before and judging it as bad or avoidable or negative what I do not want to repeat or face again because it felt as bad, avoidable, negative and not realizing that my starting point was of separtion through opinion as knowledge of disregarding facts.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that even one thought is enough to start the mind system as who I have developed through the years as personality to tell me who I must be, what I must experience and what I can do and what I can not and believing myself to be that, only that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define morning tiredness, dullness, slowness as lack of energy and not realizing that the mind requires energy through thoughts, judgments, definitions, friction, polarity, conflict which through it can have energy to flow within and by that fueling more thoughts, feelings, memories, emotions, reactions and by that I am separated from what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted morning tiredness as myself as equal as one and never considering that it is the mind how it is experiencing without enough energy therefore wanting to think and react and feel negative or positive about something and by that having energy to become energetic, dynamic and by that waking up as feeling good and not realizing that it is already a result of participating within past-definition of separation from what is directly here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the mind separated from me therefore not having directive principle as equal as one as myself and not realizing that the solution is to stand within unification as the mind as myself and stop the physical patterns, stop the reaction to physical patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I've defined myself how I am present and directive based on energy of thoughts, judgments, reactions and never considering to disregard this energy and express myself simply here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that with each thought I participate within - I am not aware of my breath and by that I am dropping presence - even for a microsecond but the consistency is broken and by that judgment, a separation has been marked what has it's consequence as not being aware what is here and reacting based on what is of mind what is based on not fact but opinion what might be real, might not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about good things in the morning in the bed when I wake up automatically for to have a feeling for waking up because if I wake up I will come closer to the thing I feel good about to do and by that having the energy of positive feeling already 'being there' within the feel so then that is like a law of attraction that I am being attracted to actually manifest that feeling because it is just like a 'preview' feeling but to fullfill it - it might be better 'feeling' - what is absolutely not sure - but the feeling I still accept and participate within and allow and not realizing that is simply self-delusion based on past-judgments coming alive according to my current location as defining myself as 'today', 'close' for the thing I define as good for my interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself what I have not done yesterday as thinking that I have to do it today and then thinking that today I have to make more effort for doing so than yesterday when the chance was here - and today I have to push it and judging myself as 'fool' and thinking this is 'not best practice' and by that having a feeling of 'oh shit I have to do it before it escalates more' and by that actually deciding the thing to do what I should have done yesterday and only doing it because of the fear of next day's more intense self-judments and reactions and feeling 'shitty' about it and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about small things that those are irrelevant and I can postpone those without much consequence and not realizing that those accumulate and from small things becaome big things and then doing those only by the judgment of the 'size' of things I have to do and always prioritizing like this based on the feelings I have based on judgments of how important these are to do or how much accumulated specific small things to do instead of doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be aware when I think about something and meanwhile not realizing that I feel inferior to face acting directly about or in relation to that
and by that inferiority - accepting the thing I've judged and the thought about it as greater, superior, bigger and by that feeling I have to think about it in order to 'prepare' or 'see through' or 'understand' and believing that within and through thinking about it I actually am practical instead of realizing that I am simply using definitions of the past to define it based on schemas what might be not the same way applyable as I felt before especially within realizing: the specific jugments are points wherein I did not trust myself directly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept myself as tiredness and not see directly that when I wake up is that a physical tiredness and the need to sleep more - or it is a mind-tiredness because of lacking energy because feeling low based on not participating within thought/feeling patterns what with I can feel high, energetic, positive, cheerful with what I defined myself to be able to 'overcome' tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that the feeling of tiredness, dullness, dizzyness, sleepiness what I can experience in the mornings is the entire mind I've defined myself to be and moving through that without motivation or reason feels difficult - that difficulty is my suppressed anger transformed to depression about the things I have not done what I wanted and the reactions, judgments what I did not want forming a personality.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within waking up process it requires a time because all the thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, pictures, definitions, rules, relationship my mind is busy loading up and initializing in order to have this consciousness experience through I allowed myself to participate within world system as who I defined myself to be through the accumulation of judgments and definitions of who I am in relation to thoughts, feelings, emotions.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that each day I can commit myself to not wake up thinking and accumulate will, decision and seeing what is coming up and understanding it, writing about it, forgiving it, and specifying the practical stopping I can wake up in the morning as no thoughts, no feelings, no emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that if I do not sleep enough, I will be tired and my presence will be less direct.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define tiredness as participating more in thoughts, feelings, emotions and not realizing that when I am tired, I am giving into reactions in order to get energy and by that energy remaining apparently 'alive' and not realizing that in that I am not directly myself here but through reactions what is not really myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define energy of mind as myself, energy of thoughts as myself, energy of feelings as myself, energy of emotions as myself and never considering to stop that, investigate that, prevent that and be here and see when it comes and stopping myself and stopping into that, reacting to that, creating that by simply directly breath and act and trust myself within absolute presence.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that my human physical body is indicating where I am currently through breath, through how I am aware of the parts, the whole physical around and as myself.

When and as I wake up in the morning, I breath directly here, I am slow within, I am still, I am present, I am physical.

When and as I wake up any time I am breathing, slowly, I am calm, relaxed, I am not going into rushing, I am not going into running, I am not worrying.

When and as I see rush, run, worry, busyiness within waking up - I direct myself to slow down, I feel the breath, I experience the breath, I am breath.

When and as I wake up within realizing I am thinking - I let it go - I breathe, I experience my physical body, how it feels directly, how I am breathing, how I am present, what is here.

When and as I am here within waking up - I trust myself unconditionally to face the day without morning thinking, I direct myself to push and explore myself through the day without judgment, without thought, without reaction but direct expression breath by breath.

When and as I lose presence, direct, physical, breathing presence - I slow down, I focus to what is here, where is my location, Where is my breath? Here is my breath, Where am I? Here I am.

When and as worry that I have to face something what I did not face yesterday, before yesterday but should had - I realize - I trust myself within direct expression here - I am self-trust, I am self-presence, I am directly here and whatever comes up - I keep directing myself and when things get out of my presence - I slow down and I let everything go within and realize the only real is what is here - always.

When and as I fear from consequences of yesterday, before yesterday to face today in the morning, in the bed - I realize I can assist and support myself through writing to script myself up for constancy, stability and apply self-forgiveness for the points I fear from within realizing what is actually fear losing, with what I do not direct myself as equal as one and stop the participation within perceived separation and express self-trust breath by breath.

When and as I think about good or bad things in the morning when I wake up - I slow down and breathe and I realize/see/understand that all judgment is for feelings what are for bandaiding fear - so I stop the fear, I focus to body and presence and I trust myself here unconditionally.

When and as I feel uncomfortable waking up - I stop everyhing I participate within and let go - and breathe for a while until I am empty within the mind and see what is coming up and why is coming up and apply common sense within self-honesty unconditionally.

When and as I feel tired when I wake up in the morning I check how much I did sleep and I see within that is my body tired or I feel dizzy in the mind because of no energy - and when there is no energy - I move - directly move and I forgive myself for needing energy to direct me, move me and I move and breath.

When and as I worry that I will be tired afternoon when I did not sleep much - I breathe, I slow down and focus one breath at a time to what is here and going through the day moment by moment without accumulating worry in the beginning.

When and as I fear from getting sick when did not sleep enough - I realize I can use common sense and give my body full rest and when it does not rest within 5-6 hours I consider what is the burden what is blocking me to rest and investigate, write, forgive that unconditionally.

I commit myself to wake up in the morning as moment as me, breath as me.

I commit myself to disregard, stop, prevent thoughts in the morning when I wake up and be presence, constant here-ness.

I commit myself to accumulate self-direction within stopping the need for thoughts day by day and allow myself to trust myself within wake up as the moment as self as equal as one.

I commit myself to investigate and physically solve all issues what comes up within the mind as thoughts, as fear to remain empty, clear within.

I commit myself to clear my mind when I go to sleep and see what is coming up as worry, fear, feeling as positive or negative as emotion and deal with it so then I can sleep within inner peace with myself and allow myself to wake up in the morning as empty as possible.

I commit myself to investigate and deal with all thoughts coming up within as self-reflection internal feedback wherein within my life I am not standing within direct unification and what is the reason for trusting past, definitions, thoughts, energy to tell me what to do, how to feel and correcting myself by preventing to participate and allow thoughts within, one by one until I am here.

Breath support from EQAFE

[JTL 109] Self-forgiveness: tiredness, energy, breath

Continuing from the previous post:

• [JTL 108] Tiredness, energy and small things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define thinking as action and prevention from things I do not want and preparation for things I want and not realizing within it I actually repeat past and react with energy what is opinion and not fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define thinking as clever and smart and not realizing it is the opposite - limited, separated, conflicted from facts as it is definition of the mind and facts do not need to be defined.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that manifest conflict within me when experiencing physical suffering within me about what to do and not being sure how to handle uncomfortably within Self-honesty remaining undefined as presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compound needs and definitions of my needs according to who I defined myself to be and act according to that and if not then compounding needs for doing who I've defined myself to be by accumulating energy of friction within of what I want to do but not doing so and then allowing each point one by one manifesting personality what will step forth and take over and do what it's purpose: accumulate desire to do something what was suppressed.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that there are limits within and as my human physical body and at energy rush experiences disregarding those and causing friction and conflict within when facing consequences for the decisions what I've made unaware in regards to being convinced that I am pushing my limits when actually I am abusing my human physical body for instance when acting from fear from not doing enough instead of letting go fear and seeing what is possible, what is practical, what is the consideration of my physical here.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that breathing here I always defined as a quest, a to do, something to be done and wanting to control and direct not as myself as self here undefined but according to conditions, definitions of perceived separation which through manifesting conflict, friction and the very act of breathing not being here, stable, simple, undefined, consistent within physical awareness who I really am,.

I forgive myself that I have never consider/see/realize that the understanding and exposure that I am not breathing properly while being occupied between thoughts and energetic experiences is not enough, but I have to be specifically aware how and when I participate and WHY and within those moments PREVENTING to go after energy and remain here, directive, and within understanding the point I am facing is what about and be able to make decision and action undefined within natural, relaxing, life-aware breathing.

I forgive myself that I have not realized what means to be Life-aware, such as considering what is best for all life and beings in existence meanwhile considering myself as part of the whole as an individual expression and realizing the responsibility within already manifested creation of consequences of my actions breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have and accepted and allowed myself to define what is 'full breathing', what is 'normal breathing', what is 'healthy breathing' 'awareness breathing' and according to these words reacting automatically within not understanding what I am doing exactly as reaction, as energy, as consequence of friction of a self-definition what is in conflict with physical reality FACTS such as opinions, polarity-based feelings according to preferences, personality, desires, fears of the religion of self-interest of consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that with personal preferences I've manifested occupation within energy and meanwhile not realizing that being petrified, halted, suppressed, stopped within effective, physical breathing here within the physical sensation of awareness of my human physical body, breath by breath and never realizing that missing one breath means choosing opinion, based on definition, of fear of manifested consequence of disregarding what is here as facts as who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that within accepting conflict within I am accepting conflict with-out therefore being equally responsible for the frictions causing in human systems as equal as one causing energetic frictions in and as my mind with what I am being influenced, occupied, directed by self-defined conditions of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force myself for breathing, trying to 'pump' dishonesty out from myself within the belief that simply breathing is enough to let go and transcend and solve dishonesties and never realizing that breathing is not enough but actual understanding, awareness, realization, specific action is required to stop reacting in the first place with what being occupied to such extent that disregarding what is here as facts as breathing as my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I focus to my breath and do it with force, I can wash away all the conflicts and reactions within and becoming somebody who can remain silent within simply by constantly applying this intent of force of breathing and never realizing that this is conditional and as it started, will end and then all the already existing points will come back deliberately as equal as one as I accept myself to exist within as conflict based on polarity of the mind - with participating within opinions what are not physical FACTS but the feeling coming with these frictions defining as energy as who I am and never realizing that this energy is always dependent on physical here, causing real conflicts, real abuse, real separation.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that believing I need to practice breathing effectively to be able to remain inner silent and never considering to be self-honest and see what is PREVENTING breathing within natural, undefined presence as expressing myself as Life as breathing here within direct physical participation with no separation in perception consistently, yesterday, today, tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that with breathing it is like I am pushing a stone up to the mountain and always falling back and starting with it again when reactions I accept and allow as they come within as thoughts, feelings, emotions and then trying to push these down within and just wanting to get over with these with this force of pushing myself to breath within inner silence until I do not need to push but being able to remain silent as I've defined meditation works for me and never realizing that it is still of conditions and when I stand up and act - it will diminish as the energy compound will be gone and without that energy force I've manifested - I am the same as I started this breathing work: conflict within.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that each time I miss a breath - it is because I chosen reactions within and it is to investigate, to ask, to answer myself within self-honesty, what part of myself I am separated from directly being here as self-trust to express in all moments unwavering? And those to realize, understand, forgive, let go, remove within self-correction and self-commitment.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that self-commitment requires force within and wanting to push it until it does not need to be pushed within the belief that I will 'reach' a point where I do not have to be aware, and responsible, and here and expressing myself to ensure that I do not fall into the separation of mind of fear and desire and never considering that the very desire for this is trying to find a shortcut within responsibility for who I have become and what I require to let go as Life.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that self-commitment is myself and not required to have force to do it as it is a decision as myself therefore if I do it within conflict - I should stop the conflict first and stop the reason of conflict and make the decision what with I can stand unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a feeling for always missing something and allowing myself to be defined as always missing something or forgetting and never considering that what I want to do and I can do and yet I do not do it - it is of conflict, friction, conditions what I am separated from therefore to be sure what I am doing - I use scheduling, practical lists and meanwhile considering my limits and still to enjoy myself and that I do not have to disregard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my joy and by doing so defining myself as better as defining my enjoyment as bad, unnecessary and mind and never considering that within self-expression as who I am within self-honesty - I can experience joy without shame if I am here as all as one as equal as life and not taking things personally yet doing everything I can without abusing myself and practically remain consistent within my expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define forgetting and forgetfulness as a protection from realizing everything what is here by always defining something as less important or more important and not realizing that prioritizing is alright however within that - things are equal within my expression as doing something one breath at a time and within that moment I am who I am and that is always equal and that is all who I can be and who I actually am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when forgetting something and not realizing that instead of self-judgment I can ensure that for next time I prevent it to forget by writing, using devices, remaining here and motivating myself within self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when tiredness is of the mind when there is no energy to disregard facts by stimulating with opinions of thoughts, feelings, emotions - and in that moment I commit myself to see what is here, what are the facts I judge with what starting point and why and see what is my responsibility for not standing here within and as the physical, which is the source.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I define tiredness when I do not have ability to disregard what is here and who I've defined myself to be as different from facts - being in conflict, friction with what is actually here as myself and judging this as exhausting and overwhelming and wanting to have something to overcome, occupied from, separated from to not take responsibility in all moments equally.

CORRECTION

I commit myself to see what is not healthy for myself such as sleep deprivation and too much coffee and staying in environment what is directly unhealthy - and stop doing so - and seeing what is the most practical way to support myself to deal with what is here in that - why I push myself over the physical limits and stop it and see what is the starting point as fear from not doing enough, not moving effectively and deal with that directly.

I commit myself to not allow myself to remain in unhealthy environment just because I can take and then rest more and allowing 'extra' tiredness within the hope that later it will be better - and I act immediately and trust myself in the moment or if not, I write it down and come to common sense decision and act accordingly.

I commit myself to realize and act that if I have to wake up early morning and perform for all day, late night I do not drink coffee, even a little, because then my sleep cycles will be disturbed and I will be disoriented, distracted, tired, exhausted what within I have the tendency to manifest conflicts within, so I stop the temptation of staying up longer for 'do more' and I stop fearing from not doing enough by doing all what I can while considering my body, my physical here.

I commit myself to stop conflict within according to how much I do and stop judging myself of not doing enough and I commit myself to stop the mind to tell me who I must be, how I must be and I trust myself within direct presence and realize and accept my current physical location as manifested consequences of the past and work with that undefined.

I commit myself to stop defining breathing as has to be forced and not realizing that I can be breath and not requiring to define what is breath.

I commit myself to allow myself to rest when I am exhausted and use common sense to prevent next time to not be effective naturally and stop comparing myself with the mind within with what is here as fact as reality.

I commit myself to embrace facts as myself and work and trust myself with and as what is physically here without defining or judging that what I perceive currently is all what exists.

When and as I am tired and exhausted - I stop and rest if I can - if not then I use common sense and consider myself for long term and allow my human physical body to not overused and exhausted within the constant realization that I am my human physical body as equal as one.

When and as I think - I realize there is something I am not direct with as equal as one and within separation I use polarity of the mind of judgments to use energy to balance out this separation what will always be conditional and not fully myself within consistency as self-honesty as the starting point is fear and not life therefore I stop unconditionally, I understand/see/realize the point of perception of separation taken granted and I forgive, stop, let go, remove and prevent myself going into it until I am equal and one within expression with the point as myself.

When and as I fear from consequences of not knowing, not being able to handle or not doing enough, I stop, I see what I can do and what I actually do and I work with and focus to facts.

When and as I fear not breathing effectively, properly, naturally, I stop and realize it is the occupation what prevents me to be aware of my physical as breath - so I realize what I am busy within experiencing, reacting and I stop that within understanding.

When and as I fear from not doing enough or forgetting things - I prioritize and use tools to schedule and use common sense to remain effective and trust myself within action.

When and as I see the need of enjoying myself or things - I trust myself and I allow myself to be joyful and not defining it as not required, not myself but allowing myself to be game and enjoy game within self-honesty without fearing that I will do it more than required.

When and as I fear from wasting time with game and joy - I realize - the fear from not being able to be joy is that what blocks me enjoy myself in all moments and compounding the need, desire, energy to do towards joy by definition what is unnecessary, so I stop it, I breathe, and I actually enjoy myself undefined.

[JTL 108] Tiredness, energy and small things

This week I was extremely busy as I used to, I've put some more weight on my shoulder than I should and to keep consistency it is key to not just know my limits but consider those yet not accept as who I am. Seems sometimes tricky, especially when I got used to things what I regularly do recently.

The point I was experiencing falling was with my eyes - they were so sore, tired, exhausted and in pain that made me feel conflicted with almost anything.
Meantime realizing that when I move effectively, that is something obvious - because things starts to happen according to my direction - in a short time so much can be 'arranged', and 'organized' and 'manifested' - and for that I am motivated to work on consistency.

Even I did take a nap in the park between two of my commitments and a fifteen minutes sleep on the grass really made a difference but still was not enough.
However I made through the week but after all some energy I compounded in my mind according to the definition: I need to rest, have some switch off and that was yesterday. I did not really do anything, switched off the phone, played a game, watched a film - and today I am walking again.
This should not be particularly 'bad' - however I see some conflict, friction within me what I expose, walk through and stop, let go.
The realizations I have found out through this week and those what I am not yet aware of here but walking within self-forgiveness it becomes more obvious, clear, that then I do not for-get but for-give.

The most outstanding point is that when I force myself to breathe 'fully', 'properly', 'normally', 'healthy', 'awareness' - there is already something within me what PREVENTS effective breathing and I know that and I do 'against', and 'opposed to' to 'overcome', to 'balance out', to 'win through'.

But as I have realized before already: any force means polarity conflict and it is conditional - so then my proper breathing will be conditioned to the already existing energy within myself as mind - so then when that energy is equated out, the condition to apply 'proper breathing force' is also neutralized.

Seems strange to speak about myself like these terms but later on I walk through the associations of these words to see how I am in relationship with conditions what I am not fully aware of yet those influence me, when I think of those words, I hear or see images related to those within my mind or outside of me.

But as it is working for the realization - I am sure and beyond these systems I allowed myself to exist - it is life. Not yet fully manifested but it is clear.
I do not yet how I do know - but I feel, not with thoughts, feelings, emotions - it is when I am quiet, it is off the noise - I am just alright yet within movement, expression constantly as Life Awareness, not Self-awareness. But first things first - this self-awareness must be understood and stop participating within to be able to explore what Life means and it is imperative to not fool ourselves with mambo-jumbo spiritual holy-light bullshit - the way ahead within stopping the enslavement of absolute utmost separation from consciousness systems as humanity, existence as a whole is quite a walk, yet what is time but myself and who I dedicate myself to be as what I am, who I am and this is life so I walk this purification until it's done.

So that is just for considering long-term availability for consistency, and realizing that if I push myself too hard, then my body will not take it, yet it is showing equal as one what I am not within harmony within and as myself.

Things came up are like:
-computer gaming if I do not do for a while, like a month, it compounds and then I start gaming as I used to: starting a game and playing it until it's over, and after a while playing it, I realize I am disregarding anything else, so I should do it more to finish it off and then 'return' to 'normal' state, into 'reality' wherein things must be done, especially my daily writing, commitments.

See: this commitment seems to be quite forced to do things daily - but for developing consistency, stability, it is really a mirror: as these commitments are not 'huge' time - if I am practical and keeping scheduling, these do not take more than 1-2 hours daily and actually support and assist me so much that within remain stable, directive, clear and actually joyful within my expression - that it is out of question I want to do it.

But there is this 'feeling' I always miss something - if I pay all bills and do write as I planned, then I miss to finish a video I wanted or I forget to call back my family member or I just let my place in mess or do not buy toilet paper or forget to renew my website domain or just forget something what I wanted not to forget. And it can be tiny-winy or huge thing - the feeling is still like fighting with elements.

There are days already when this conflict I am not really bothered with, and my pace is slow but effective and then I still forget something and then I might judge myself - so I consider that it is a process - and I have lived in conflict more than 30 years, so it is some time until I get used to realize the fact that the more slow I am within, the more fast I walk with-out. Fast here meaning effective, practical. I just push myself into a apparently 'thin surface' of trust myself directly here - regardless of this 'direct here' - how not in fact the 'ultimate here' - it is a Location from the mind towards and as the physical.

The EQAFE interview series, Secret History of Universe assists me in this extensively: within realizing that no matter how we manifested ourselves to the utmost absolute separation, the relationship between Energy, Substance and Live is always the same, meaning the separation is not real - and it is why and how not enough to simply know this fact but what it means exactly and how the beings has formed from the start of existence into who we are today and for those who always wondered about how creation and awareness has formed into this existence - it is a very unique interview series because one stops wondering and searching, and put things together and can focus to what is relevant with the realizations of being aware how it happened and why without feeding the 'curiosity demon' of the mind what always wants more and more details and definitions meanwhile within practical unification it is already irrelevant. But to let go that strive for understand, I really suggest EQAFE interviews, people this is real, how the mind works, what is beyond the mind and death, animals and how sex, money, guilt, fear, jealousy etc works and how to work on these to stop and step beyond the veil of fear of mind in a very practical, simply understandable manner.
So with listening that I understand more and more after each puzzle of those interviews...

Also I am more and more clear that how in fact the small things are equally important than the so called 'big' things - as the polarity judgment of the 'size' of things I participate - from the perspective of I am here I breathe in I act I breathe out - it does not matter, I am always like this, that's all I can be, so I better put my shit together and realize that whatever I do I can be this perfection within self-expression or allowing compromise by fear, thoughts, feelings, energy, memory, consciousness.

The tiredness then is when I do not know when to stop and take a deep breath, when to stop and literally rest and let go - who I am will remain here, no fear is required from losing perspective - what I am here is who I am here and step by step working with it as myself and any separation is of fear, I write out, forgive and let go unconditionally.

Tiredness also comes from identification of self with energy, when the body is too tired, exhausted, I want to keep going and using energy to boost and that energy is of mind and with that energy the starting point is fear of not moving and then by that I do not move who I really am anyway so it is unnecessary, creates friction, reaction, separation from what is directly here as myself.

Check out DIP LITE, a free course for applying the tools for self-investigation, stabilization, writing and self-forgiveness for LIFE

[JTL 107] First and second level of experience

undefine the moment

I always defined energy as good, the more, the better.
The experience of energy, self, experience itself.

Simply believing that the only reason I am not shining in all ways is that I am lack of energy so then I must generate more and I will feel more powerful.
That obviously some crazy superhero shit, I know. That was never really on my tongue, however the truth is something like that what is in and as the mind consciousness of this one, I am telling here.

So then problems obviously came, especially when the mind consciousness system is overcharged, supercharged, melted down and liquified - everything seems to be unified however I am fully automatic yet not obvious; not only for others but myself because this first/second level of experience thing was never understood.

Today we are standing on the roof with my mate and I was able to explain to him how I do not believe and take granted experience.
I do not believe in experience, that would sound like not myself - or am I one with experience? Or equal as? See? That is the point.
The certain level of directness and lack of lack of wholeness.

• The second level of experience means that I am taking granted definitions, rules, limitations, memories, reactions, feelings, thoughts, emotions which through I am interacting not only with the world but actually myself as well - and therefore everything is of this superimposed experience.

Experience of experience through experience - isn't it obvious? Am I experience? No, that is not stable, not consistent, not real.
Even the experience of myself? Isn't that constant, same yesterday, today, tomorrow? Can I already trust Experience? Obviously should not, especially when within the Journey of Self-honesty I realize, this is only the second level of experience.
The first is what I am not aware of, the direct surface of here-ness, undefined, un-judged, unborn moment unfolding through each physical breath.
That intimacy with physical, real facts, constantly, always every here can not be defined as experience because then I am not anymore the expert of this mind of science fence ignorance remembrance of ideas and associations, even instincts are of the past!

Am I crazy about the past? Right damn, it is not relevant, especially if I have fallen into the second level of experience of the thoughts, feelings, emotions in any way whatsoever - but to KNOW that I have fallen is not enough here, because until I am not specifically am able to understand how and why I have fallen into this second level of intimacy filtering, manifesting physical consequence through the apparently protector, helper mind system of separation EXPERIENCE  reference - I am trapped into my own self-creation based on the very reason I've chosen to not dare to be this first level of experience as direct physical expression.

So then the question is that how practical I can be in terms of expanding this self-intimacy within understanding and fully exposing myself to the direct elements of physical substance without any help other than being honest with myself here?

• Writing is pushing one to the edge of this second level of experience of the mind as word by word serializing the many dimensions what are busy actively already being experiences within and as oneself and that experience can be disregarded but only within the understanding how exactly it is secondary, made-up to protect oneself to experience and be just: experience itself.

I write it down - today: exactly within staring those eyes what I have seen, what I have felt, what I have thought, what I decided and what I experienced and then I see it - and I am empty within, I write down all this second level of experience of thoughts, feelings, emotions and I am directing myself into and as undefined first level direct, physical, substance experience.

That would be the alchemy - all the chemicals of my words and meanings to work with substances as self as physical as life itself directly, no separation, no definition, no purpose, no reason, no feeling, no light, no dark, no blue, no white, no thing - simply Life as Self Here.

And I see what comes up and I see it is from the second level of experience - I forgive - I give myself back for my first level of experience without priority, with outwards expression as I am for giving a new meaning of experience: I am here.

Energy what I experience in and as the mind - how exactly I experience? Exactly where? Can I name it, word it where? Is it in the mind or is there any indication of energy AS the human physical body?

Certain level of slowing down is required within to be able to see that the human physical body is picking up these resonances, in fact they are already consists of and exists as specific resonances based on our first and second level of experiences and our relationship, interaction, reaction with it.

That is surely a gift to consider because this body is of and as physical substance, not separated from the dust of universe which is the greatest support for the practical realization of and as SELF Here.

Within this I realize - this energy what I accumulate - is coming from somewhere and obviously goes to somewhere as well.

Once upon a time I was able to realize that energy is not an issue - I was always hungry and greedy for ENERGY - until I thought I am lacking it, however at one point I am endless energy - I AM THE SOURCE - so then not needing to run after energy, not requiring to produce, to trap, to ATTRACT it - just understand it's dynamics with common sense and direct it as self with this direct, first level of experience.

And there is no wrong or good - nor that this second level of experience what I've named here would be bad - not at all - but it is the self-created and accepted limitation for protection of the precious idea, belief, religion of "SELF AS EXPERIENCE" - however it could never be realized, fulfilled, stabilized, unified with the universe because it is just an experience - and to take refugee within something what is not self here as fact - is simply untrustworthy.

Therefore it is unconditional to express that

• I FORGIVE myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to DEFINE myself as experience, to tell me who I am AS experience and by that manifesting and allowing myself to just be merely an EXPERIENCE.
• I forgive myself that I have never considered that experience does not last, it can not be trusted, specifically anything else but self here can not be trusted and never realizing what is self here what can be trusted.
• I forgive myself that I have never realized who I am what can be trusted unconditionally and always wanting, desiring and striving for something or someone to be able to trust unconditionally and never realizing that this is of a condition therefore as equal as one always creating, maintaining and experiencing self and trust and experience with conditions as oneness and equality.
• I forgive myself that I have not realized that who I've defined myself to be I've conditioned by experience and defined self according to and as experience.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define energy as experience and defining more energy as more experience and always wanting to experience to want to be as who I've defined myself to be and not realizing that it is a second level of experience through the polarity, mind system consciousness of thoughts, memories, pictures, desires, fears, feelings, emotions, what is of the friction created by the act of separation through experience not directly, here, undefined as physical, as substance.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can absorb and swallow and suppress energy, as much as I can, as much as I want, as much I need.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my state of strength, power, myself according to energy, amount of energy, definition of amount of energy, definition of quantity of energy based on experiences, definitions, memories specifically linked to the words joy, suffering, luck, fear, life, death, infinity, prison, heaven and hell.
• I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that at certain experiences I always return to the same words to define my experiences and then react with the same signature of energetic states.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the more energy I have and accumulate, the more I am strong, wise, realized and powerful and never considering my human physical body as a living organism as equilibrium.
• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never consider that each participation within and as the mind - seeps of physical life force energy from the human physical body tissues and fueling the mind consciousness system who I defined myself to be and identified myself with which I persuaded myself and others that this is life however it is exactly the opposite.
• I commit myself to stop defining myself as experience, I stop defining experience, I stop defining myself.
• I commit myself to stop needing experience, I commit myself to stop needing energy, defining myself as and through energy and realizing that I am already physical energy.
• I commit myself to stop defining energy as polarity as quantity as less and more, enough and not enough, too much and I stop reacting with the second level of experience of thoughts, feelings, emotions to direct myself to be the first level of experience without defining myself, the experience, the presence, anything - I remain undefined, clear, empty, embracing and directive as direct physical substance.
• I commit myself to stop fearing from always changing within taking refugee within and as experience and I stop changing by and as experience.
• I commit myself to realize that I can not trust any definition, feeling, thought, emotion which is not here, direct as physical substance experience.

When and as I use thoughts, feelings, emotions: I realize I do not trust directly myself as experience as reality here as physical substance because I allowed friction, conflict within and as me, so I stop, I investigate, I breathe, I forgive, I write, I correct and I change.

Within that I realize the spark of fear what my mate mentioned on the roof:

To disregard and 'come down' from the second level of experience of and as the mind consciousness system - there is this fear that without that one can not function, be, express properly, or at all and becoming zombie, an empty shell, a robot, a soulless vector within space-time of existence.

But in fact if we use common sense - it is obvious that what we fear is nothing but our limitation to expose that any of this 'second level of experience'(I just stick to this though this post for easy reference) of thoughts, feelings, emotions of mind - is already the very reason we are not in direct relationship with reality itself as ourselves as equal as one - because within thinking - one is reacting and using memory, using definitions, using energy, using experience to trust instead of self as moment directly here.

And that seems tempting especially when direct physical experience is not beautiful, peaceful, pleasant, good, cool, high, delightful, lovely, but actually the opposite: massive destruction, abuse, disregard of all what is here as life as animals, as children, as women, as war, rape, murder, starvation, chemical, nuclear, biological warfare on all fronts of every level of human systems through political, monetary, educational, economic, religious and psychological manifestations as we currently entail and exist as referred as: human civilization.

So I see, tough to come down from the energy field of the mind, but within that there will be no satisfaction anyways - just common sense again - directly here - because facts do not change by experience - experience change by facts.

Therefore we propose different pillars of solutions for the troubles of humanity which has been already tested, cross-referenced, stood out the years and will be more and more stable, practical and obvious that these are literally for what is best for all.

Certain amount of bravery, questioning of the authority experience is required to become aware of the Lack of Self-honesty we accept ourselves to exist within and then the Understanding is the requirement and inevitability of Process of Self-realization, assisted by the basic principles of
-do onto others what you would like to receive
-thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself
-equality and oneness as all as one as equal as life here

To realize what is Mind, what is not, what is Self and what is not, what is Support and what is practical Self-honesty:
DESTENI I PROCESS LITE (free)

For effectiveness and responsibility to be able to handle:

DESTENI I PROCESS PRO

For Establishing Life-values within Self- and Partnership Agreement:
DESTENI I PROCESS AGREEMENT COURSE

Self-perfection Audio Interviews Store(many many free support

EQAFE

And to understand why some of these are for money, investigate

Living Income Guaranteed
Equal Money System
Equal Life Foundation

As the money is for supporting the ones who are assisting to not fight surviving and to establish a practical trust within a group of equals who are walking the process of dedication for life to manifest which can be best for all in all levels, not just politically, financially, but psychologically.
And the money also goes for supporting the various researches are being done by the Equal Life Foundation.
I am pretty sure this money is not going for self-interest and abuse - but if one does not believe it:

IN VEST

      I 

GATE!

[JTL 106] Fake fashion, Make up: My story and Self-forgiveness part 2

Continuing on

• [JTL 104] Fake fashion, Make up: My story and Self-forgiveness part 1

to let go self-definitions on women and how they look and what they do to look as they look and I see how I am more and more clear by each writing session one by one and it accumulates.

PROBLEM

Not as I have problems with women at all!
The problem is within automatic reaction and self-definition and lack of seeing the big picture, the facts beyond the feelings.

And that FASHION is boosting! Fashion is obviously fake if we see why it actually exists: MONEY.
Valuing things more than should be, based on feelings and disregard facts: not cool.

See what is fash-i-on:

fash [fæʃ] Scot

n

worry; trouble; bother

vb

to trouble; bother; annoy

[from obsolete French fascher to annoy, ultimately from Latin fastīdium disgust, aversion]

See some facts as well:

• http://www.treehugger.com/sustainable-fashion/25-shocking-fashion-industry-statistics.html
• http://www.statisticbrain.com/fashion-industry-statistics/

So I free myself from any reaction to fashion - positive, negative - cool, uncool, no more polarities.

So that's why I started with make-up - in regards to fashion, make up part is the most bugging for me. Not as it pains me - just I do not agree with it, why it stands, what it stands for and how people are putting attention, focus, energy, occupation into this while it is simply a catalyzed, induced, stimulated, manipulated point by media, magazines, movies, advertisements based on the psychology of the mind, the energetic addiction towards feelings. This has become part of my personality and I say no more, and I walk through it simply and sharing it unconditionally. Why? Because it screws up practical relationships between humans - disregarding physical preferences, real values by definition.

I just do not need any conception, definition, limitation, automatic reaction about 'them' - see this is the point - no more 'them' and 'me' as polarity, separation.

Practical unification is when I am remaining absolutely undefined yet present, empty and still directive as myself - not as the words impacted me in the past and my pre-existing, pre-defined, pre-programmed relationship I re- and re-experience but actually I am capable of considering facts and preventing conflicts in my reality which are not best for all.

And in the past my starting point was surviving, self-interest, fear, limitation, reaction, knowledge - which is here in the way of stepping beyond the limits - and I am not accepting myself as limitations in the mind.

What is limit but my self-created separation from endless possibilities which are consisting of and entailing as the whole existence.

So enough of this philosophical bushcombing, jump into the topic directly!

Last time I wrote Self-forgiveness about make-up and I will continue it with specifying some and then self-correction and self-commitments.

SOLUTION

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about what if I kiss her and I feel the taste of her make up on her cheeks and the taste of her lipstick instead of directly her body, her life taste, instead of corporate scientific superficial profit-oriented product-manifestation of the human mind itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think at all when facing make-up, instead of embracing myself and directly express myself as common sense and principle based on my-self-honesty in and as the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to directly point out what I think/see/imagine about make-up towards the woman who I am with and only suppressing what I consist of because of not wanting to be rude and fear from hurting her and also from blocking the gain what I want from her, even being it that make her feel good, nice, comfortable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my mission and who I am is that always making women feel good, comfortable, nice because then that is who I am and by defining that good and then defining myself as good and never considering that it is not about them but myself which is based on a starting point of not being good enough for myself and projected out towards women because feeling separate from values I've defined them having what I perceived as I lack of.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to realize that make-up is not the issue when I am in mood with woman and that is an excuse to tell her that I am not feeling cool about it and actually never considering to make my stand that if I do not want to be with a woman who has make up, then I can state it out and then that is it and I must take the responsibility for that decision and live with the consequences.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to take my guts to always tell people what I would want to because fearing that they might not love me and never considering that how I perceive people loving me is not real it is of fear.

I enjoy expressing myself and considering others as myself as equal as one therefore as principle as Life and within that embracing the being, whatever is she/he/it - I am directive principle what is best for all and within expressing that by common sense - that is the real love and I am living that as writing, saying, acting so in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and define women who always play with makeup and being that her play-tool for expressing herself, automatically defining her as cheap, fallen, brainwashed, even when I see her and finding her as like-able, nice, beautiful, sexy, attractive - seeing her only as a picture what can be used for video/picture/film or simply react to that picture with energy, excitement, amusement, entertainment, distraction from real issues such as energy crisis in human's mind and economic systems within and as humanity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the temptation for finding some women as attractive by comparing her picture presentation with images what I've defined as exciting and arousing and amusing and entertaining and then feeling bad about it when finding out that it is the make-up what makes her that way as I feel and then feeling cheated, tricked, gullible and then experiencing friction within myself and never considering stopping reacting by definitions and enjoying being myself as self-honest and trust myself even when I make mistakes and allowing myself to not judge myself then and learn from direct physical expression as who I am.


I commit myself to stop reacting to make-up and women who wear make up and remain self-honest, empty, directive, embracing and inner silent yet using common sense and express myself within principle.

I commit myself to NOT define women who do not wear makeup as more natural, more real, more being for me.

I commit myself to stop being reactive towards makeup instead of simply remain directive within common sense.

I commit myself to stop thinking makeup is bad and any woman who uses makeup is brainwashed and lost and instead using common sense and seeing it as it is, seeing the woman as a being and seeing beyond the image what I react to.

I commit myself to stop fearing from supporting the beauty industry if I do not react to makeup as it is bad and I stop thinking that I am good if I think makeup is bad.

When and as I see woman wearing a makeup, an eye line or any kind of stuff put on her face - I am here breathing, I am empty, I am silent, I am stable, I am aware that I made the decision to not go into polarity, I remain completely here.

When and as I see a woman wearing a makeup and I am interacting with her - I do not require to feel or think or define or react to her makeup at all by definition, by automation - yet if I do - I do not suppress it, I trust myself and I am aware of my body and the principle of what is best for her and for me and I act within common sense.

When and as I touch a woman's face who has makeup or I kiss it or I lick it - I do not fear from chemicals going into my body and I remain here and I make my decision that if I do not want to the makeup go into my body then I do not touch, kiss, lick it and then if required, I communicate so, within calm, relaxed stabe and I realize I do not require to fear from anything at all.

When and as I react to makeup at all, especially to advertisements, women who have confidence with it - I stop and I realize I react to my own self-created self-definitions so I breathe and I let it go, I remove, I delete it as Self-direction and I stand here as expression directly without any feeling, emotion, thought needing.

When and as I fear that I am being directed, influenced or manipulated with makeup - I realize it is just a picture and if I react to it - then it is myself who is responsible and I check and see what is within me what has the starting point of fear to react as not trusting myself absolutely to remain direct, here without the thoughts, feelings, emotions, pictures, definitions, reactions, energies of the mind and I make my stand in one breath.

I am clear that the beauty industry which is of money is not about real beauty as the real beauty is when one is not directed with the mind at all and within this world I do not really see beauty as it is the same as with the word 'nice' as anything can be referred as beautiful and nice and it is of the mind, as feeling, energy, which is coming from disregarding physical here.

Opposite polarity:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define women who do not use makeup that they are more beautiful than any women who use makeup because they are not trying to cheat with the mind and not wanting to wear masks but they make their face available as it is and that is who they are and within thinking these feeling positive about them and never realizing it is only myself who I react to and what I experience as positive is based on my own value-system which is in fact in the way of direct experience of what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define woman face who has scars/pimples/red dots/tiny holes as less attractive and beautiful for me and thinking that she might have some psychological issue what her body is showing by the flaws I see on her face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define woman's face who has skin which looks like red dots and irritated that she is irritated from herself so much that her body is manifested equal as one and thinking by that I feel that I know what is going on and it is just knowledge and information I try to use to figure out the reason why she has not the skin that is healthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always think that woman has sexual issues when having pimples/red dots around her chin because my ex told that when she was learning this on her psychological study at the university and by that information always thinking/saying that about a woman who has pimples/red dots/scars around her chin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define woman who does not care about fashion and wears clothes as comfortable as normal being just like me and not as all other women who wear clothes what are sexual/whorish/teasing with revealing parts of her body or pronouncing what seem like other people especially men define as exciting/arousing/sexy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfortable to be natural as myself with woman who does wear clothes what is comfortable, not like fashion-based and revealing body parts and then simply being myself without any influence of external conditioning to play roles and character according to the program what I've defined since childhood as 'beautiful, attractive woman is here to please'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define women with bushy legs and pussy and armpit as strong because she does not go with the flow of the mainstream but she actually does not care and not defining herself according to the fashion of shaving and defining shaving as normal and not shaving as ugly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not define practical a woman being un-shaved when having sex with me because then many parts of her is hidden, and beyond bush so then it is not reachable and not pleasant the fur to eat and therefore defining good to have shaved and meanwhile understanding that when living in nature with less clothes, bush can protect there and then with these definitions automatically reacting to situations and creating frictions within me - instead of remain here, undefined, and use common sense and just trust myself within expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define women who do not use perfume as cool and natural and actually feeling more comfortable with them because then they do not play the role of beauty system so I do not have to do either and then I can be myself instead of just being myself unconditionally without any fear in all moments here.

I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to be honest with myself in terms of what conflicts I accept and allow within regarding to women and ever considering seeing those and solving them instead of remaining within conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear from not having partner if I am absolutely self-honest with myself and expressing that to women because all I've learned is that if I want to pick up woman, I have to act like I've seen in movies/media.

When and as I see women as not using makeup and wearing normal, practical clothes I do not react, I remain here, I slow down and I breathe and not go into reaction of positive and negative at all.

When and as I see women being natural even when not shaving - I remain here, empty, silent yet completely expressive in each moment and breath by breath stabilize myself to not react but act within self-honesty.

When and as I fear I am not good enough - I stop, I realize it is a fear from childhood which is not required, it is what I stop and let go within self-trust what is always here as the moment as my physical.

I commit myself to stop the polarity manifestation of beauty and ugliness and defining things and people - but use common sense and see within Principle as Life.

So that is all about beauty for today - it is something I do not really have issue with however I am absolutely sure what is NOT beauty just the same with LOVE.

For me LOVE would be if everybody could LIVE supported by others at least equally on the physical, basic level such as food, shelter, education, health care, shelter - what every BODY requires - so for me beauty LOVE is the physical equality which is existing on universal level or existing as of interest.

And people do say to me that speaking about universal principles is not practical, not relevant and not real as it is uncatch-able, unreachable, ungrasp-able, but I do not require too much sense for considering what I do not want for myself: I do not want to others either. That is simple to always consider within each decision we make - but requires actually doing it - what it means - within my current location of reality - what are all the participants, what I can have directive principle towards to and that I consider within common sense. Myself alone, my flat, my street, workmates, family, on the bus - considering what would be the best what I can do in that moment for all.

Obviously it is not about starting to accuse people on the bus about why they use makeup instead of pay for water supply in Uganda or Congo or today's topic: Syria. Hundreds of thousands of people are screwed up with no food, shelter, future.

But to stand up and see what are the directive powers in this society which are: politics, law what comes through voting. Not revolution, not wars, but people use democracy for what is best for each participants: that is the only way without self-destruction and creating another shit storm ending up with more genocide what we constantly have today simply because it is of this economy what drives the way of the human until we form groups and accumulate consistency within standing up for what is practical and useful for all participants. Because otherwise the problems will compound and more and more unsatisfied people will be everywhere, especially those who lack of basic requirements for stay alive.

And I am quite sure how frustrated, angry, fucked up, tired, weak, sick and twisted I can be if I do not eat, I do not rest, I am sick or I do not have water for a while - not even speaking about weeks, years but days, hours: that I am sure I do not really want for anybody. And also it is sure that those people who experience this: do not give a fuck about beauty and makeup today, because that is irrelevant when the basic requirements for life is compromised.

And good intention is not enough - as it is of the mind to compensate not feel bad but good for some moments - so I stand up here and I do say that

equal care for all where real beauty could be born - when it is about the physical love - otherwise it is just a feeling what one is squeezing with the thoughts, the images, the polarity of the mind - and that is not practical, not even real, so within Self-honesty it can be realized, transcended, removed for the betterment of all life.

Every day writing is not something what can come by itself and without that - one's stability is really dependent on things what are unpredictable - and by considering writing is almost free - just a pen and paper - or sand and a stick or a keyboard and a screen with some mega-gigahertz pulsating - anyone can slow themselves to see who they really are layer by layer, character by character, thought by thought, and to see what is self-made up - just like the images we strive towards as nice and beautiful.

As the people who are at the brink of surviving in those exploited countries: they do not have opportunity to work on their delusions - they are busy dieing within the lack of the basic requirements of life. Let us appreciate what we have here as the future is unpredictable and tomorrow comes and will be yesterday and better to face the already manifested shit and work on preventing to escalate more towards the children to come. Today with the point of beauty fuck up.

Fuck Beauty - There are More Important Things in The World

Just look at some comparison pictures to the celebrities how they look in their daily life and how they look on screen: it's all make-up, fashion, screwing with the mind - nothing of that really matters in the real, long-term stable relationships, everybody can realize that after flirting with some good looking disco-chick who can barely know how to make basic math and no offense but many has chosen to pursue beauty of the image and outfit and that is so obvious for the ones who are not falling into the media and brainwash.

But after all it is always based on who we accept ourselves to be and if we want images to fuck, pictures to praise - it is possible, I am not to judge but please consider the consequences for yourself, your body, your environment, your economy, your future generations and most importantly: your self-honesty.

As I do not really say it is the hugest fuck up when you try to look good and you go after it but when you forget that you made that character, and it is who you became and you react to it, you define yourself by it and you put value and trust on it, it is coming alive within your mind as an entity what you create with words, relationship with words, energy reactions to words and that with you deliberately separate yourself occasion by occasion from the direct, real, physical experience of everything what is here as life.

Also consider this: when you use mask to look better: you use your mind to physically 'photoshop' your face - and then people will react to the photoshopped image, not you: and their mind reacts to that, not their beingness, so it is not even personal, it's just mind business: Energy, just like eco-no-me, where ecology is not me anymore but a self-sustaining system.

What is the starting point for not feeling good enough? Why not loving self unconditionally? Easy to say when you feel like a giant pizza-whale-lizard-monkey you define to be seen in the mirror? Walk through it word by word and forgive all - and consider what is really important for long term.

Investigate, investigate, investigate.

Also when people react to the make up("make up"-ed?) faces - they react to their own definitions and pictures in their mind they made up - and then will associate and remember and make up the relationship with it and then is that real?
The addiction for feelings seems to be tough but as it has been taught, it can be walked through and finding more natural, enjoyable, real values in this life.

There is a fine line among enjoying self and expressing with clothes, style between supporting mind, energy, money of an industry what is creating more separation especially within those who are unprotected from the cons of consciousness: children, uneducated people who will simply become what they are exposed to without question.

And to promote that, to participate within this system: responsibility what creates consequences which are inevitable to face, that is this existence who we are: Equality and Oneness.

REWARD

I deal with the physical directly as Life in regards to women(and men too!) and their picture presentation and I do not react to my preferences and polarity of personality but I actually deal with facts and consider what is practical yet able to enjoy direct reality communicated, shared with women.
I disregard the pressure of fashion industry what is selling so much stuff what is not practical and only feeds the mind - and I do not need this 'culture' of 'fashion' of the 'mind' - I am here to experience and express directly.
Not based on media, fashion, education, desire, fear, what are of the mind and ever changing but the actual beingness and innocence as self-expression.

If I write daily - I slow down and I decode what I react, how I feel, what I see, why I want what I want - then I can decompose and see the energy, the reaction, the starting point - and I do say every human's beingness is tainted with surviving, fear - and unless one is not daring to go deep - will not even realize it as it is so down there beyond countless of layers of words of energy of consciousness - that's why consistent, dedicated investigation required.

So that's why there is

D E S T E N I  I  P R O C E S S  (And for starters: the FREE Desteni I Process LITE course) to support the ones who are ready to walk through the personality and find out what is beyond energy, consciousness, conditional beauty and see what Life really could be within Equality and Oneness.

Also some Self-support on beauty from EQAFE :