Tuesday, October 29, 2013

[JTL 132] Letting go Self-definitions from childhood films, movies

Continuing on the 7 Years of Journey to Life

Movie mind, what I have thought originally from movies as a child:

That man has to fight for woman and woman go to money and power and man go to beauty.
That man has to behave in order to have woman.
That man has to make sacrifice to have woman.
That woman are for keeping the race up and running with pleasure.

I can do extraordinary things physically - if needed - not really - one slip and one steeps for a month.
Extraordinary not means stupid and reckless.
Extraordinary with common sense.
Step by step, accumulation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form ideas how a man should behave or woman should behave according to films, movies, series and thinking that is the role model for me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that even when not thinking that there is a role model for me on tv,movies - I experience it just as experiencing any living thing and then from my mind it is not difference that it is a memory from my own life or a memory watching it on screen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to behave, and do things what I have defined/thought as civilized in order to get women's attention, friendship, partership and only holding myself back within the belief that it is required to 'get' the woman just as in the movie, tv.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back in any way whatsoever in order to get something and not realizing that the compromise I make and become instead of just live opportunities directly without value, definition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, define and believe that women are for keeping mankind surviving and reproducing while man can have pleasure with woman or at least seeing and getting this idea from family, system, movies, films somehow.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that any definition, picture what I automatically do judge and react to is a reflection from my past trying to superimpose reality with opinion.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that each participants, such as women are equal part of the system and to use them as subject means I am not able to stand as equal as the system therefore I am inferior within the system in regards to it's whole.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that anything I react I can learn to do automatically within the believe that it is me meanwhile it is of thoughts, feelings, emotions energy of the mind which I've defined myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always turn my center focus to the woman being present as the most desireable, most valuable and attractive for me and behaving in relation to my thoughts about her and not realizing that by this I am not here as free but as of self-judgment, self-doubt, fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I can do extraordinary things physically without common sense and not realizing that the physical is the real and it's laws are here constantly and within the rush and energy of experience forgetting all the wounds, mistakes I've made and then became injured - or thinking about these injuries and that's why not doing something, not because of common sense but because of fear from injury - so both ways: disregarding physical while going to opinion, worry, expectation, fear or recklessness, stupidity, foolishness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that when I do need, I can do extraordinary and defining myself like that and by that and using it as an excuse for not doing the utmost I can in every moment by thinking 'when I need, I can do more, but this time I do not need' - and manipulating myself into energetic states instead of directly living here undefined.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the most common sensical, practical way to accumulate is to act within consistency and not with energy but directly as physical.


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