Saturday, January 19, 2008

From diary from november of 2007

No emotion, no feeling, no thought

No god, no buddha, no science, no love, no family, no government, no money, no happiness, no pain, no time, no space, nothing
just breath
for fear that think that who I am, what is happening, what to do and how things are, damn!
I am breath I am life, nothing seriousness, no compromise
From now I do not allow anything less that who I am.
I have accepted that the world is like this, because of me, me as Talamon myself has also accepted, participated in that the world is like this - what is, how can I say..the other part of me - everything is the other part of me, because everything is whole only with everything - and realising that what I have became from that perspective what is called Earth - it is only just a fail, so I apply those specific decidements that I do not accept any manifestation of mind: no feeling, no emotion, no thought - because these are actually disturbing me in that I be me always that who I am, not going into any little compromise to be me.
For me has became obvious that I only trust in my honesty, no other else, and yes, if I am honest, it came surface that damn, I am addicted to my own mind, and for those what I am doing in this mind - but if I would just breath silently than it is different...I could define that: easy, squarely, sure and me
  • If I do think, it is that like some strange acid would blowing in my head, and some electrodes are buzzing..
  • If I do emotion, strange warm, penetrating all of my trunk by apparently pleasant feeling fills me, I could say intensely
  • If I have feeling than for sure that I do something what I am not...now I have the feeling like this,
  • after I have feeling like that etc...

I see theese like rubberbones throwed to me by my mind and warns me to breathe. And this opened me for that why theese are existing...

Always this was concerned me:
Where thoughts came from: I was not honest to me, I had some attributes whose I wanted to hide - instead of say theese out, act theese out, unambigously stating out.

2 comments:

Joe said...

When I think, the more I follow a thought the tenser an area of my head gets until it manifests into a headache XD. When I have an emotions, it works as usual for one second then it slowly becomes superficial, and then I "gain" the ability to stop completely. So cool. Breathing, if I've stopped a thought would suddenly pop up saying "1234 hold 234" etc.

Talamon said...

cool...now i experience for example while clicking around the net, my breathe can be more less aware..surfaced..not quite deep, just like little ones, and thoughts come
...and i experience what? no thoughts, and breathe, and use 4count, but like that: i open myself more: and as I open myself as the breathe, one onion layer opens, and others comes to surface: as thought:)
yes emotion is obvious cooool